“Good morning Los Angeles, this is your KPAX Morning Madness Traffic Update. The 405 coming out of the mountains is a parking lot from Sunset to the 10 and won’t be moving for hours. An accident with no injuries on the Hollywood Freeway at Highland has the right lane closed, and traffic is backed up all the way to the Hollywood Bowl. A cross-dressing prostitute has been struck on the corner of Santa Monica and La Jolla near the S/M district, which is causing unexpected tie-ups. The 118 west of the 5 is being rerouted due to a brush fire. The 101 North toward Ventura is moving along normally — at a standstill, in other words, and the Santa Monica Freeway looks like the parking lot at Disneyland on Memorial Day. If you have someplace you need to be in a hurry, you are S.O.L.
And now to entertainment news…Charlie Watts has decided to go ahead with the planned Rolling Stones world tour which commences later this month, even after the tragic, untimely deaths last night of Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, and Ron Wood. When asked if he was touring in memory of his fallen comrades, Watts replied “Bugger those arseholes. I’m in this for the money, ay? You think they’dve stayed home if oy’d kicked the ol’ bucket?” The tour will begin as scheduled at the Staples Center on September 2nd, and will feature as opening acts “The Beatles featuring Paul McCartney & Three Unknown Sidemen”, “Pink Floyd without Roger Waters”, and “Bobby Weir as The Grateful Dead”.
Hmmm methinks LA is taking a toll on the normally laid back and good natured Tim Case, the old Fairborn High has a room ready for ya bruddah.