My stalker, desperate to not be replaced sent me this:

My Dearest Mike,

With every day that passes, my twisted devotion to you continues to grow wild, not unlike those weeds you see along the side of the road that you couldn’t kill if ya dropped a nuclear bomb on them…it grows rampant and unchecked, like a nasty case of ‘ho gonorrhea. Even a good strong dose of penicillin won’t kill my love. (Although the specialist says shock therapy will…)

The fragrance of my love for you is strong and memorable, clinging like the smell of those fish you keep killing, you heartless bastard. I remain yours, steadfast, true and sick to death of you losing interest in our IM conversations five seconds after they begin. Even though I am busy right now and trying to work on my novel, and even though you keep threatening to replace me every time the frickin wind blows, please rest assured that once I’m finished, I shall work overtime at making your life miserable. I’m just that caring.

Let me conclude by saying I still love you, I still love your so called acting “abilities”, and it’s right about here that I would threaten to kill myself if you don’t love me back, but who gives a shit? My talent is too good to waste, and I can’t afford the pills for the overdose. What I love most of all though is the way you keep dragging me away from my writing to spend countless minutes making up shit like this to soothe your ego.

Signed,

The Girl Whose Heart is Open to You, but WhoseLegs Are Forever Closed aka Goddess

About this novel…Is it a love story, I hate Love Stories….Am I in it? I better be if you want ME to read it.