The thought occurred to me the other day, as I was watching the news, that there are some stark differences between politicians on the Hill and girls that like to have sex on camera. I know that seems hard to believe but it’s true. First off I need to confess a wee-bit of “intellectual-laziness” at this point: I am reading a book by Dave Barry entitled “Parliament of Whores”. It is not a new book, other than to me, in fact it’s nearly twenty years-old. For those of you that don’t know, Barry is an incredibly thoughtful, witty and funny writer for the “Miami Herald” and is also nationally syndicated, often appearing in “Parade” magazine that comes in your Sunday paper. Anyway, the book outlines how farsical it really is “inside the Beltway” and that $1200.00 toilet seats are only the least of our problems. The myriad of political intrigue, behind-the-scenes in-fighting, corporate courtship and contributions and sexual deviance you hear about on the evening news PALES in comparison to the thievery and out-right incompetence that Barry outlines.
So I started thinking…you notice how on the news there is always a negative light cast upon the adult entertainment industry, particularly hard-core porn? There is still this looming image of needle-filled sets with no-necked guys standing around watching, just gleefully waiting to “bust a bitche’s head” when she has the audacity to say “no” to the 6 man-double anal scene with a baseball bat that the producer is proposing. You all remember Linda Lovelace..right? We are whores and sluts, much akin to the $20 street hooker who stands out on Main Street USA every day peddling her wares. The only difference with us is that we have cool websites and pretty pictures and mask our harlotry with a thin veil of propriety. On the flip side, however, the news treats politicians as if they are omniscent AND omnipotent, only admitting the very EXISTENCE of their inherent human frailty when one is dumb enough to smoke crack, with a hooker, in a hotel room on video tape. What’s up with that? I mean, you all know that personally, I don’t mind being called a slut or a whore…in the proper context…lol. But seriously, why the pass for the “esteemed Congressman” from somewhere or another, with the wife, the girlfriend in a condo in Georgetown, three kids in college, a mother in a nursing home, a PAC funnelling him endless money through BS organizations, a gambling addiction, an alcohol addiction, a pussy addiction, etc? When I tell you that I’m gonna screw you…feel secure that I am going to screw you…in the Biblical-sense…and trust me baby you will enjoy it immensely and remember it for the rest of your life! When someone on Capital Hill says they are going to help you, their constituency, more than likely they will screw you. At least us sex girls like to be open and upfront about it. I mean if you really want a fist up your ass I’ll give it to you, but a politician will say, when caught with HIS hand up your ass because it got stuck as he was trying to steal your wallet, “I was trying to give you better access to healthcare.”
And I hear people say that girls in porn are just really prostitutes on film. Well, eveytime I am channel surfing and run across C-Span I feel like I am on a pay-per-view porn channel. The House and Senate have it all…interracial, MILFs, GILFs, young male and female pages (for the young set), every ethnicity and color, and lots of ass-fucking going on. But the real cool thing about C-Cpan is they have managed to capture the true, interactive, POV style experience that guys in particular have been waiting for decades to arrive. Think about it…to pop in a DVD that has some georgous porn star walk up to you and drop to her knees, unbuckle your pants, pull out your snake and go to town. And you will actually FEEL every warm and wet sensation….every nibble and carress, as you watch in a true “point of view” world. Interactive porn is the ULTIMATE fantasy of EVERY guy. Well guess what…C-Span has all that and more. If you watch a debate going on over a bill or a conference committe at work or any of the other parliamentary shenanigans going on you will, invariably, hear a thunderous “whoosh” of wind as the money from your wallet is being SUCKED at such high-pressure that it is pulled through your asshole, up your intestinal tract and comes out of your mouth so fast you never knew it happened. Your only clue is the dry mouth and paper cuts on your tongue. Sounds pretty interactive to me…how about you? Remember…I would at least tell you WHEN I was going to stick my fist up your ass. And when I say a scene costs x amount of dollars …there will never be any cost over-runs, over-charges, mis-calculations, or need for “further study”. GUARRANTEED !
The advantage goes to the politicos because they can continue to screw us well into their eighties if they so choose. No term limits. Now I sincerely HOPE to still have an active sex life when I am eighty-years old, but I am highly suspect that many people would pay to see me do it. I believe my shelf-life would have expired. But Ted Kennedy is like a Timex watch or the “Energizer Bunny”…he just keep fucking us..and drinking..and fucking us…and drinking…and fu…well you get the picture. So who are the real “whores” ….Hmmmm.
5 Responses
Let me be the first to nominate Lindsey in 2012.
(you realize I’ll be expecting a cushie appointment, right?)
Lindsey, you appear to have a much higher IQ than many members of Congress. If you run and win, I hope like hell I’m watching C-Span the day you introduce the bill to regulate better dildo quality. I want to see the tables get turned and watch their freakin’ jaws drop in utter disbelief…which is what usually happens to me when I hear some of the shit those idiots say sometimes. I’m always amazed with just how uneducated many of them seem to be, especially when trying to use logic to contruct an argument.
Other than the video of the guy pokin’ the chicken, where the chicken is just shaking with shock when they set it down for a minute before resuming (I guess I’m just assuming the chicken’s reaction is for some other reason than the redneck’s sexual prowess), I think C-Span has documented some of the most disturbing and shocking displays of human existence I’ve ever seen. The most disturbing thing…a majority of us, in our respective regions, actually elected these fucking people by choice.
“The most disturbing thing…a majority of us, in our respective regions, actually elected these fucking people by choice.”
Not only do we elect them, we RE-elect them. Makes ya wonder who the real idiots are. At least they get PAID to be stupid (and guess who the fuck pays em).
Yep, exactly my point. In an odd sort of way though, they are actually fulfilling their job descriptions accurately. They are supposed to represent and speak for the masses, for the purpose of efficiency. If the majority of society chooses to remain ignorant of facts involved with a specific issue and not use their noggins for anything more than holding up their designer sunglasses and wireless earpieces, then Congress is representing us accurately by also making decisions from a position of ignorance. I don’t think our political system was designed with the intent of allowing the masses to be apathetic and uninformed…which is what it has become.
I certainly have to give credit to people like Lindsey Lovehands and Julie Meadows (as compared to people in any industry, not just porn) because they seem to take the time to think through topics, weigh the facts and then construct their own beliefs, which they can then defend by providing valid supporting facts…instead of being apathetic and believing everything we are told to believe. Until people start to think for themselves, I don’t guess I could propose a better system than we presently have, but I certainly think a few “Lindsey Lovehands” in Congress couldn’t be anything but a positive change.
It all reminds me of something a freind said once in repsonse to my telling him that I had answered some questions honestly on a test for a job I wanted. I answered honestly, and honestly thought I would be rewarded. He said, “No. They just want to know that you are smart enough to not answer the questions honestly. One was, “If someone insulted your mother in the street, would you react?” My answer was, “Yes”, of course. I have been highly reactive in my life.
I am reminded of this because the only difference I see is that the people covered from toe to neck with so many clothes and rules and morals are “smart” enough to lie, because, as Cocaine and Hunter pointed out, no one wants to know the truth. Most people want to be lied to. They hardly want to know their own baser impusles, let alone those of their wife, their father, their daughters, their neighbor or their Congress people. I could be wrong, but that is the way I see it. Honesty only seems to be rewarded in entertainment, especially in writing.
This leads me to my compliment – thank you, Lindsey. Quite honest, quite lovely, quite entertaining. I’ll vote for you.