By Kayden Kross (via email for the dumb fuck who thinks that because I post these I write them…Kayden writes much better than I do)
So I’m sitting in a hotel room. I’m sore and I’m antsy for two separate reasons mostly related to planes and uprooted sleep schedules. I’ve had four cosmos, at least, but probably more, and the AC cannot battle the humidity any better than the windowpanes can battle the sound of the crickets outside who bark, not chirp.
I spent some time poking around the internet. I got a blog posted that was not well written but got the story across and that was all the energy and/or coherence I could muster. I don’t want to open my book because it’s a good one and not meant to be wasted on times like these, where I will absorb nothing but remember just enough to not want to reread it. It’s a book based on free, on a free economy and how to monetize free. It says free is not going away and I believe it based on countless tube sites who have transformed our industry by giving away stolen content for—you guessed it—free. If it were a Tom Clancy novel though I’d tear through it right now without remorse. I hate him and everything his crap stands for and I like the idea of reading and forgetting it like a cheap whore. Danielle Steel too. If I had a dictatorship there would be book burnings, and anything sold in grocery stores would be at risk. I’d call it “Quality Control”. It has the ring of propaganda to it.
It’s funny what you end up thinking about when you have no deadlines or things to pass dead time. I caught up on Mike’s blog, where Julie Meadows posted a response to a question asked long ago about why us girls end up with those losers. The pimp and ho phenomenon. The bad boyfriends. We’ve all had them.
I can’t say I’ve never had one. I have and he trumps most of the stories I’ve heard. How did I end up with him? Simple. I didn’t know I was dating him. He lied. About his past, his future, his age, his job, his finances. The person I thought I was dating was completely different. And after I figured it out—on his birthday (“I’m sorry baby, I forgot what year I was born” (I’m offended that he thought that one would get by me)), it was absolute hell getting rid of him. Suddenly he had a history of domestic violence, and a history of bumming off of people, and an unstable relationship with alcohol and a whole host of other bigger issues that magically appeared overnight. I still deal with the aftermath of having dated him. You don’t realize how serious a serious relationship is until you meet the person who would use it against you.
But everyone since him has been wonderful. I can’t say I have a history of dating losers. I think these things get blown out of proportion. Nine girls can date great guys and sustain drama free relationships and then you get the one who can’t and you’ve got a story and it propels the stereotype. It seems like we go through life always hearing about but never actually meeting this enormous fleet of psycho exes who are out there running around, lurking in the shadows waiting to key your car or check your phone and run crying to your mother. My theory is that we all get a little psycho in a bad relationship, we all do the things we would never think to do to a close friend or family member. But we’d do it to the person we love most passionately. It’s backwards and horrible but it happens again and again.
Bad relationships and crazy relationships and parasitic relationships are not unique to our little industry. We are just especially keen on airing our dirty laundry and we’ve been catapulted into an especially uneven earning bracket with all other things held equal. We’re a bunch of girls dating the guys were dating before we started making money. The higher earner always seems to give a little support to the lower earner in relationships and men have traditionally held that role. Why would you expect any different in porn, where for once the chicks aren’t banging their palms against a glass ceiling and making 70 cents to a man’s dollar? As for crazy, we date the people we have chemistry with, or at least we try to. What is chemistry other than a magical connection you feel with another person who can fill in the missing parts just right. Don’t you remember high school science with the atoms floating around looking for that other half, the extra electrons to scoop up or the buddy atom who was also missing a few electrons and they would team up because together they were stable. They form a bond. That’s chemistry and when you find it you don’t want to let it go. It can make you crazy and people went crazy and cheated and freeloaded in relationships long before porn and strip clubs came along. Maybe next week we’ll talk about one of the other thousands of things that people sometimes deal with in life that is also not the fault of porn.