The Man

I will keep this as short as possible. If I told the whole story it would take a week to read it.

In 1991 my brother was diagnosed with a Cardio-Myopothy, and severe Congestive Heart Failure. He was the tenth of eleven children, a very close knit family. I am number 8. He was declared disabled, was on SSDI, and moved in with me. Previously he had worked with me at the lab. He continued to assist me, and later, often voluteered at AIM, again to assist me.

On Jan. 28, 2011 he was in severely bad shape. His kidneys and liver were beginning to worsen, and this was the day I callled an ambulance. They took him to Pacifica Sur Hospital in the valley where they put him into an induced coma. While on the gurney being loaded into the ambulance he reminded me of things we said in the past, do what you can to save me, and let them do what they want if they cant.

After three days in an induced coma, somehow the doctors at Pac Sur got him admitted to Ronald Regan UCLA Medical Center, one of the absolute best cadiac hospitals in the nation, if not the county. Here is where I am going to skip alot of the story.

Twelve days later, still in a coma, it as decided to do a radical procedure, not a new procedure, but one that had never been done on someone is such bad shape. For five days now were had been told to expect that he not make it through the night. They did a final cat scan and thats when the doctor said, “I have never seen such a damaged heart continue beating,” and he suggested we do the procedure, warning us that he probably would not survive the surgery. We all knew what our brother would have said, and we signed the mountain of documents.

Enter Rocky, a nurse about 55 years old, maybe five feet tall, one hundred pounds soaking wet. A nurse who had been at UCLA for over 20 years, the best their is. Her task, to get as much fluid out of his system as possible by 9:00am tomorrow morning. At 3:25 that morning, with Rocky, her team, three of my sisters, one brother in law, and his best friend since pre-school in the room his heart stopped. That constan beep, straight line on the monitor. Instantly his bed is surrounded by medical personell, literally trapping my family in the room. His attending physician, not his surgeon, comes running in, “No, No, No,No Rock, whats happening.” Rocky is pounding his chest, and they get the paddles, they hit him who knows how many times, and then he lets out this grunt, the straight line starts reacting. They begin just yanking out IV tubes, and other things he is attached to. Rocky climbs on top of the gurney, when they pull a certain tube his heart stops again. Rocky starts pounding, literally pounding on his chest and they run the bed down the hallway, leaving the family behind. They told us there was a possibilyt that he won’teven make it to the OR, let alone survive. Dr Abas Ardehali comes in the room, he is the doctor in the video I posted,,”Do you still want to do it” Yes, my sister said, and if he doesnt make it donate any organs, he signed the card years ago.”No here is where I really skip alot.

Two months later my brotheris at home, attached to what is called a BiVAD, a Ventricular Assis Device. They are norally used on people who are already on the transplant list, but just need some assistance before a donor is found. Most only have one, on the right ventricle, My brother hand one on the left and the right, with half inch tubes connected to the ventricles, the aorta, and the superiour vena cava, the artery out of the lungs. His survival was nothing short of a miracle, he was written up in medical journals, he did interviews, he voluteered for every single experimental treatment they offered, he volunteered to speak with other VAD patients, incuding a ten year old girl, and a seventeen year old kid, Louis. The VAD patients at UCLA are lke a family. I was at his side 24/7,,sterlizing his ‘openings’ every day, hooking up his morning and nightbiotic antibiotic IV’s ., and walking, walking,walking. This is how he finally got in shape, and the call came, you are offically on the heart transplant list. You are 1A, top of the list, problem is,he’s a big guy with Oneg blood, and those hearts are far and few between.

On August 3, the call comes, “We have a heart, get down here” We are literally two steps from the door at UCLA and his phone rings again, the speciment was rejected. We had been counseled that this could happen. On that very long, quiet drive home was the very first, and only time I heard my brother actuall cry.

Two weeks later, no heart yet, we went for a routine exam. A small peice of plastic in the device had a tiny crack and needed to be replaced, “Simple as screwing on a bottle cap’ the doctors exact words. They twisted it too tight, they didnt know it, but it kinked the tube attached to the superiour vena cava, it flooded his lungs, the pressure built up, and it popped he device off. Two half inch tubes were fully exposed, a huge amount of blood squirt out , and then a huge amoout of air was sucked in. He never regained consciencenous, and 23 days later we turned off the machines. He died exactly one minute later, Sept, 25,2011, at exactly 6:31pm, surrounded by his family, with his hand on a crucifix that belonged to our mother, and one that belonged to a nephew.

Sign a donor card, one more donor card, anywhere in the nation in a two week period with someone who had Oneg blood, using the heart in a box could have saved him, one single card, next time it might be your brother who needs that ONE signed card, just ONE.

Two of my sisters who were in that room the day his heart stopped recieved that email.

This is the man whose legacy certain individuals in porn industry chose to attempt to distrace in order to shut me up. My brother lived, and died with more dignity than you could ever dream of having.

111440cookie-checkThe Man

The Man

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6 Responses

  1. Tim, may your brother rest in peace. I don’t know exactly what the people you have mentioned in porn have said about your brother but I have always thought that when you have a disagreement with a person that you don’t attempt to drag down their family in retaliation. Preferably as I am doing here you attempt to separate the person’s family and the person’s opinion you disagree with. For example I think Michael Weinstein is a world class pompous ass with a vendetta and a guy that uses his charity more to help himself than to help others (which is too bad, the AHF does really do a lot of good for poor HIV patients, if it weren’t headed by a lunatic spending money on a personal vendetta and stuck to treating HIV patients I would write a substantial check to them right now) but I haven’t even attempted to go after his family. I feel similarly about Izzy Hall and Rob Black except they don’t have a charity to pimp out. Michael Whiteacre hasn’t been acting any better lately (he hasn’t been directly accused but along with a couple others responding to Mike South’s post yesterday about how low the biz has sunk I wouldn’t put it past either Whiteacre or Rob to have been the one to start the slinging of bullshit you discuss being either said or alluded to about your late brother). It does take a lot for me to even not be able to separate the person from from the opinion/matter, if a person is basically a good person I can disagree with him with every fiber of my being about something and still treat that person civilly — this is why I can be civil with and even respect people like you and Lurking even with my disagreement regarding the direction the adult industry should take with VD matters.

    I do have one suggestion, Tim — check with a slander/libel attorney regarding what has been said about your brother. He was not a public figure and he did not interject himself into adult industry affairs so you and your siblings may have a case and be able to make whoever is libeling your brother suffer a court judgment and garnishment of his wages for the rest of his life (judgments can be renewed before the statute of limitations on them run out to make them stay in force for the person’s lifetime in most states, your brother was based in CA with you so likely CA law applies). Good luck and may the bullshit slinging about your brother cease as soon as possible.

  2. thank you Harris,,,may I ask you a favor,,,,,may I edit your post to just the first few lines,,,and we can take up the other matters you mentioned in another place,,,,I see what you are saying, and I whole completely agree, but I would like to keep this seperate from the industry stuff,,,plentof opporntuntiy to voice those concerns on othe thread,,,,,,i will then delente this post entirely,,,,just asking a favor.

  3. Thank you for sharing about your brother. Many of us know someone in a similar situation and this makes us think of them.

  4. I was attempting to explain why I feel the way I do about involving innocent family but if you feel it is appropriate you may edit out what you need to. I understand this is a very sensitive matter that in a perfect world would not have happened. You may start editing in line three where the sentence ends with “with” and the next sentence starts with “For”. You may also delete this post along with your post above. May the bullshit from Dr. Flip Flop cease and your brother rest in peace.

    If you are unable to edit these posts you may request Mike to do so without further requesting it to me.

  5. Tim Ty for sharing your brothers journey!

    Like Tim I spent time at UCLA Reagan with a sibling. Can’t vouch for their heart Dept but can’t shout loud enough from roof tops about the Liver and Kidney specialists and their staff we encountered through the fall of 2008.

    Please don’t wait till it’s someone you’re going to miss till your dying day to fill out a donor card. Gift those who will miss you till their dying day by removing any doubts, freeing them of any second thoughts a decision one way or the other may leave them with.

    In 2013 it became possible for folks with HIV to become donors to HIV recipients. If you have questions talk to your doctor who can answer them or direct you to most appropriate source.

  6. @jilted: I can definitely relate to parts of your story. It sounds like your brother was a really good guy. I’m sorry his memory had to be viciously attacked by these vile cowards. I’m positive they will eventually get theirs. My heart goes out to you and your family.

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