How to talk without saying anything

Here’s what I’ve learned from celebrity gossip magazines- avoid holding a verifiable opinion at all costs. When you are backed into a corner, say things that only monsters would publicly disagree with:

“I am against poverty in Africa”

“I am against clubbing baby seals”

“I do not agree with rape”

Talk about things that people aren’t passionate about. Talk about clothes. Talk about your favorite designer or style but never mention what you don’t like. If you must step on one side of a dividing line go with the majority side that appeals to emotion over reason, because you can always flip flop and say you changed your mind in light of new information but you can’t change your mind in light of new feelings.

So go green.

Raise awareness for PETA.

These things can’t hang you on a cross.

Everyone is always wonderful and dedicated and talented. Coworkers. Directors. Caterers. The project was always a challenge that helped you grow as an artist and you’re so excited that you could be a part of it. Never dislike or criticize or find fault unless you’re speaking out against a sure thing: Domestic Violence, genocide, hunger. And when you speak out, don’t offer a viable solution, but throw in the words “we” and “should” and watch them swoon. We should care. We should do something. Wear it on a t-shirt or a hat with your peace sign earrings and blog about it on myspace. Make it general enough that a critic can’t find a thread to unravel it with. Think of it as a prelude to an idea.

Females can occasionally talk shit about each other but only if they’re fighting over a man. Always break up over “irreconcilable differences”. “Find New Love” or have “Pregnancy Bliss” at least once a year to keep prime cover spots. If you’re up against a deadline you can always get a make over or drop ten lbs. and then give advice on how to follow in your footsteps. Let your most torrid inner conflict be with chocolate.

This emptiness will keep you safely out of reach of critics with worthwhile points. You’ll put yourself in a ring with the fashion police and people who don’t like your hairstyle but any punches they throw will make you look like a victim anyway and we’ll all feel closer to you.

25340cookie-checkHow to talk without saying anything

How to talk without saying anything

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6 Responses

  1. If anything, all I want to hear about the personal sentiments of a beautiful, talented person whom I don’t know is, indeed, their thoughts on the finer, “frivilous” things in life.

    That is their purpose: to personify a certain luxurious example to the rest of the nation. To serve as an emotional fuel. If they insist upon doing it beyond the stage and screen, the least they could do is remain consistent with their theme.

    It would be wonderful, if it were true, to hear an actress’ sincere evaluation of her movie’s production staff, or her slightly out of balance affair with chocolate, or even her refined experiences with that most complex and exhalted of human emotions: romantic love.

    But today it is not true. In fact, their souls are much dirtier than that. The work which they produce suggests it loudly enough for most to sense it, but to articulate that distaste – let alone to oppose it – would require an intellectual understanding beyond the average person’s capacity. A capacity quickly filled in by the culture’s dominant intellectual trends; by way of their mouth pieces in the arts. Which is why celebrities naturally gravitate towards “serious issues”; to deflect attention from the obvious, but fleeting, fact that they are spiritual frauds. When left with nothing else, these types believe that having “serious concerns” will ensure a future legitimacy which they, like their public, vaguely sense they do not deserve.

    You have unwittingly touched upon a very serious issue here, porn star.

  2. Wow Kayden that sounds like high praise indeed.

    and honestly Goodwill…how lucky am I to have Ms Kross as a consistent contributor. Agree with her or not she is an extraordinarily even writer for someone of her tender young age.

  3. What? All I was doing by stating my age, was undermining your insinuation that I shouldn’t judge her because she is young and therefore innocent.

    Flattery and bribery won’t work on me. If merely offering it works on you, and so I have to state it explicitly instead of implicitly in order to keep us focused, I will.

    If you really do, as you say, have a considered opinion of me, you’ll know what that my reasons for reading and posting on your blog is not to get anything directly from you.

  4. I am well aware of why you post here, and I am honestly glad you do. Take it for what it is I’m not giving you anything but a little due credit.

    discussion is good

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