Dear Grant,

Grant- this one’s for you. I would go into more depth but somehow it got really long already….

Why Porn?

I got into porn because I just can’t seem to grasp this elusive idea we’ve all been socialized to conform to about how women should behave. I can’t buy into this Madonna/Whore complex. I got into porn because I can’t seem to understand how it has become more virtuous for a woman to throw her entire life away on one man in exchange for security and social standing. We have one life to live and women are taught to give all that up on a marriage to the “right man”, a man who she is not supposed to test out sexually, who may change down the line, who will ultimately be the biggest factor in her happiness. Women are taught to hold out and not give up their prized virginity until they get their asking price, but the women who give and take freely of sex and truly enjoy themselves are pushed into the gutter and ultimately are the ones who are called whores. Rather than commit to a lifelong pact and an uncertain future, why aren’t women socialized to enjoy their bodies and secure their own resources and create their own social standing? Why aren’t women taught to take charge of their happiness? Shouldn’t a woman who does this be the one who is respected rather than the weak ones whose only accomplishment in life is the male they managed to tie down or be tied down by? I know times have changed and it is much less common for women to actually wait until marriage, but this is still the ideal. Mothers will still brag if their daughters conform to this and daughters still lie to their mothers.

I got into porn because I like money, and the idea that wealth or success is bad will never resonate with me. The people who call material wealth a character flaw are the same people who ask for hand downs and expect others to give away freely what they’ve earned (yet ironically don’t want sex given freely). The people who criticize material wealth are never the people who have material wealth. They are the ones who for whatever reason chose not to capitalize on their potential. I will not allow these people to make me feel like I am somehow less virtuous than them.

Material wealth is a measure of success. It is a gauge for how well you’ve applied your resources. Economically the best thing I can do right now is porn, and I’m not ashamed of that. The dollar amount I make in porn is very high compared to the dollar amount one would pull in from an average job with a good education. Being in porn has nothing to do with an inability to do anything else and everything to do with a very simple economic rule: profit maximization. I’m interested in a future that is financially stable and will remain so independent of anyone else. I got into porn because I know the value of money. I know that $10,000 invested starting at age 14 is worth close to 1.2 million at age 65 with an annual return of 10%. $16,000 invested starting at 19 with the same rate of return is only worth about one million by age 65. And $78,000 invested starting at age 27 is only worth about .8 million by then. I got into porn because I want the biggest return for the hours I put in. My time is important to me and I am not willing to trade it for less than I can get in porn.

I got into porn because I cannot stand monotony. I do not want to throw my energy into anything that doesn’t change day to day and doesn’t allow me to build something. I got into porn because even when I’m working I’m doing the things I want to be doing while I’m young. I’m traveling, I’m going to school, I’m learning about the real world, and I still have the time and money to enjoy that nagging horse habit I have. I got into porn because I feel like I’m giving up the least while gaining the most.

I got into porn because for some reason I just don’t understand what is “wrong” with porn outside of social constructs. I understand what the social constructs are, I just don’t understand why as a nation we still buy into them. When people try to explain it to me it feels like they are holding a sheer curtain in front of the argument and as hard as I try I can’t help but see straight through it. I can’t see how sex is bad. I can’t see how enjoying sex is bad. I can’t see how sex can only be enjoyed when under the influence of a certain emotional state. Sex has huge mental components, yes, but at the end of the day it is a physical act and the orgasm is a physical response. I can’t see how liking different kinds of sex is bad. I can’t see how fetishes are harmful. I can’t understand why women have to be abused as children in order to like a little exhibitionism or S&M. I think these boundaries are all specific to the individual and should stop where the comfort level stops for all involved.

I got into porn because it is some of the greatest real world education I will get. Where else, at age 22, will I learn how to network and manage myself the way I do here? There are so many subtleties in this industry. Most of them I didn’t even see for the first year. I’m guessing there are many more that I’m not even aware of yet. At age 22, what other industry is going to give me the green light on running my own business? Because that is what these websites are. They are small businesses and the girls who get them going and keep them running are small business owners. College does not provide this kind of instruction. College will provide theory only and I want both. I intend to run a much larger business someday.

I got into porn because I really do like the sex. There is a rush that still hasn’t gone away when I have sex on a set. There is a rush in talking about it. There is something very carnal that takes over when I see men like the ones I work with. I’m always asked what my biggest fantasy is in interviews and I have a hard time articulating it. For me, there is nothing like fucking a man for the sheer purpose of fucking him. There is nothing like seeing a person that I consider to be completely male and just experiencing him in that way. I will get off on the way his muscles move when he grabs me. I will get off on his jaw line. I will get off on him getting off on me. That is what I fantasize about.

I did not get into porn because of a strict background, or because of abuse. Even if I had been a victim as a child I would not let myself simply be bounced around today. I refuse to let choices be made for me. I also refuse to let anti-porn comments hurt me personally, because I believe that the final result should not be focused on so much as the reasoning behind it. When I do hear anti-porn comments, I look for the reasoning behind them and the reasoning usually crumbles. I think it is ironic that sex is in the gutter but our arguments have more merit. I think it is ironic that sex workers are in the gutter but we are more honest with ourselves than those passing judgment. Generally I think it is ironic that American culture is more backwards about sex than most of the western world as we try to hold our footing as self appointed leaders on the world stage. Mostly, I think it is strange that with the substantial amount of money porn stars make they are still asked why they do it.

21840cookie-checkDear Grant,

Dear Grant,

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9 Responses

  1. I want to make a note here:

    Why is it that when this industry has girls like Kayden, we continue to push the real fuckups into the public eye. Why aren’t girls like Kayden the spokespersons for this industry instead of idiots who will remain unmentioned here?

    Why doesn’t someone package a few girls like Kayden to go cross country and present themselves as spokespersons for our industry? Why do we even allow the junkies and the obvious basket cases in to begin with? They do us way more harm than good. What if someone had said to Shelly Lubben or countless others…I’m sorry I’m not going to shoot you, you have mental problems/drug problems that this biz is just going to make worse and then you are going to turn around and say it’s all because of porn, even though you were self destructing way before you got to this biz.

    Are we that hard up to make a buck off of a junkie?

    I guess it just doesn’t make good copy.

  2. Who are the fuckups in the public eye that are the spokespeople for porn? There aren’t that many except a handful that are the “spokespeople”. The ones that are in the public eye that I have seen numerous times defend the industry on television and the mainstream press are Nina Hartley, Mary Carey, Tera Patrick, Savanna Samson, Stormy Daniels, Jenna Jameson, and Ron Jeremy. The only fuckups from that list are Ron Jeremy and Jenna Jameson. For years I’ve heard what Ron did to Ginger Lynn two decades ago and not that many in the industry cared and turned a blind eye to Ginger and many other women that said Ron did the same thing to them too. But not too many in the public know this though. So to them, Ron isn’t a fuckup. And Jenna Jameson is clearly back on drugs and alcohol abuse. She gave the anti-porn brigade what they wanted with her fuck you to the industry speech at the AVN awards.

  3. Forgot Sharon Mitchell as a spokesperson.

    The reason why Kayden isn’t a visible spokesperson for the industry is because she’s not that famous outside of porn yet. I go to more celebrity sites than porn sites because they have the most porn star pictures. And Kayden to my knowledge has never been mentioned. Hire whoever represents Mary, Tera, and Jenna. Or date a celebrity. Hang out at The Ivy and wear something revealing. Got to all the top clubs in Los Angeles and Vegas. How can you be a spokesperson for the industry if no one outside of porn & porn fans knows who you are?

    And if you ever end up on O’Reilly, please get your facts straight or don’t even say anything at all about numbers or else they will eat you alive. When a small group of people as in the porn industry which equals a few tens of thousands of people gets so many STDs and so many drugs addicts and suicides every year and overdoses, that surpasses any number you come up with on a nation wide level percentage wise.

  4. First point. Couldn’t agree more. Have personal experience watching this occur. I especially like your last sentence of your first paragraph. It’s an advocation of a complete paradigm shift and it’s indicative of a stronger self-esteem, courage, and higher-vision than the woman who enters any section of the sex trade because she’s come to believe that, for whatever reason, she doesn’t deserve the commonly held ideal. Not even after finding herself and the right man. While not pretty enough to be in porn, I’ve dated these type of women. It didn’t work out. I just have one question: If you’re going to do all of these things for yourself, why video tape it? That’s not rhetoric; I’m honestly asking that question. You live way out in California, so I certainly wouldn’t have known about you in order to ask you if you hadn’t. Perhaps that’s why.

    Second point: A financially independent future. Are you actually getting it? Investing, of course, presupposes wealth creation. Companies only accept investment capital because they expect to use it to create more capital in the future. Since you’re thinking in terms of a modest, conservative, blue chip ROI, that means long into the future. How much wealth do you think that a generation of young men, raised on easy indulgences – with sex, drugs, and rock and roll literally at their finger tips – will be creating 25 – 30 years from now? Unless they’re filming porn, not much more than today. If that. Especially if the Chinese peasantry ever wises up. Have you noticed what kind of pillarlike companies have been going bankrupt lately? I ask that question honestly as well. And I offer my own perspective, which I think is an invaluable one, as food for thought.

    I’m 26. I have no money. Because of having abruptly quit all of my previous positions in protest to, and in disgust of, clearly unethical behavior, I have no good references. Worse, I’m dangerously close to not having any ambition any more. “Security” motivated me for awhile after quitting – I lived in a small town in Wyoming, and then Alaska – but I’m not an animal; I need more. I need a grandiose vision of the future. A blonde, busty vision of the future. I want to run a large business someday too, but that is not a rational goal. I don’t say that just because big business, qua big, is a pariah in our society currently, but primarily because size doesn’t matter. Not in tits, not in cocks, not in companies. Not in any truly independent sense of the term. It’s a relative term. So long as you fit with what you’re dealing with, who cares? I want to run a successful business which makes me truly happy. To think otherwise is social metaphysics disguised as D’Anconian, Taggartian virtue. I’m guilty of it too. I admit, I’ve worried that someone might discover – years from now – that you and I had this correspondence. But that’s not rational; so I force myself to comment.

    I appreciate and admire your love of money, but I remind that you it’s just a tool. A means to an end. What good is it if you’re surrounded by morons who’s minds have been destroyed and made blind to real values? Even if they have nice jaw lines. I’m asking that question honestly, also.

    Last point: Your post is dripping with philosophy, just as I like it. You shouldn’t have to work this hard to please me. I loved a few of your lines in your video “Be Here Now”, but still, you shouldn’t have to work this hard. It’s obvious that you and I agree with a number of concepts, so I won’t depersonalize this exchange by discussing them abstractly. Instead I’ll tell you why I got into porn (viewing).

    Do I want you sexually? Yes, of course I do. Would I act upon the opportunity if it presented itself? Probably not. It took me a long time to say that. In the past, even though I held the desire, I would have dismissed the question as invalid. I would have said something like “I’m not masculine enough” or “I’m too skinny.” There were even times when I would have even said something like “porn is immoral” or “She wouldn’t do it even if she wanted to, because she’s really a weak, scared person.” But I realized, recently, that those excuses are simply variations on a common theme. A common theme which is the actual reason why I wouldn’t do it. They are the result of why I wouldn’t do it. The reason why I am lacking the 10 or 15 pounds worth of muscle which could get me laid every night, the reason why I’m unable to laugh at something like a Youtube video of kids shooting joggers with a paintball gun just like “one of the guys”, the reason why I seriously investigated the (unproven) psychological hypotheses that sexually open women are weak are all because I actually crave something more. Something which I’m still not sure is possible. It’s the something which leads me to fixate on you – out of all the naked women on the internet – despite the fact that, increasingly, you’re showing yourself not be the “Objectivist fantasy woman” I mentioned.

    The fact is that while I could have been working out like a maniac, while I could have been conditioning myself to laugh at whatever intellectual default was on the table, while I could have enjoyed all of the pussy which resulted, I didn’t. Instead, I sat around by myself and, in between jerking off or having sex with a couple of marginally attractive, periodically inspiring women, I studied philosophy. I searched for fundamental truth and to a great extent I have found it; and at times – in jail cells – it has brought me great joy. Despite the very dire social, professional, financial, and legal circumstances I have found myself in throughout the last three years.

    So no, I wouldn’t have sex with you if you actually offered. Even though it’s raining as I write this, I’m sure there are hundreds of attractive women converging upon dozens of bars just a few miles from me. I’m sure that despite my own fleeting insecurities about my appearance or my habituated honesty, I could down a few beers and use the same charm I’ve used here to at least have a conversation with one of them. I’m sure I could because I have; plenty of times.

    I thank you for the learning experience this has given me, and which I think I’ve been seeking out for a long time from a woman in your industry, and as much as I don’t want to let your attention go by insulting you, I have. I have reduced your livlihood to it’s essentials, which your counterparts invoke when they must, on my own and in doing so I have pulled the rug out from under you. I know it is a delusion. I know it is a fantasy. I know it will never happen, not because of my weakness, but because of my strength. Because of my undying ambition – despite my miserable poverty. Now what do you have to offer me?

    I’m sorry for my hostility. You’re a sweetheart. I just don’t hide anything.

    – Grant

    P.S.: I have a question. Why, in this sentence, did you put the word “wrong” in quotes? “I got into porn because for some reason I just don’t understand what is “wrong” with porn outside of social constructs.” Your meaning – that right and wrong are not socially defined – was just as clear without them.

  5. Correction: As per my last post: I especially liked the 2nd to last sentence (Shouldn’t a woman…) of her 1st paragraph.

    It’s hard to pin down the emotional effect of certain things sometimes 🙂

    Sorry, should have been more keen on the editing.

  6. Kaden, I think you have alot of guts to put yourself in the public forum regarding issues in the adult biz. Most performers wont do it because usually it is career suicide.

    But when you state that..”learning about the real world…” is one of your motivations for being in the biz, I dont understand. I guess you could take the lessons learned about how this industry is run and apply it to your own future endevors, as long as you realize that you want to apply exactly the opposite buissness models you see in porn.

    And their are hundreds if not thousands of OTHER industies that offer opportunities to educated 22 year olds. Thats another of the industry “big repeated lies”…..(where else can a young person make so much money) Believe me, your porn resume is not going to help you one single bit outside of the porn industry, in fact, it may be much more detrimental to your career than you know. Considering there are only about 600 to 900 girls a month making a living in porn, what do you think the multi millions of other young 22 year olds are doing?

    Get a five year old coply of AVN. How many of the girls featured in that issue are still making a living in porn? Not many.

    Your personal health is the most important issue. Never lose sight of that. Healthy is sexy. And you indeed are sexy.

  7. I’m confused as hell on Grants post. I lost track of what he or she was trying to say.

    Holy’s worried about your health and I’m just on here enjoying your blog posts! Isn’t the internet wonderful?

    Back to Dr. Drew’s interview in this month’s Playboy, I hope you purchase a copy Kayden and make a blog post about his interview. He really tackles a lot of stuff about porn, celebs and other sex related issues.

    I think you’re brave too and really you shouldn’t have to work very hard to outline why you got into porn. It’s your life. I hope I didn’t post anything that made it seem you’re somehow below average as a person. Unless a person knows another person, how can they make such a judgment. Dr. Drew did bring up an excellent point, he said how will all these young women who have these porn websites feel years down the line if they have families or as they age and their lives change, will this stuff being out there (it stays out there forever) affect them?

  8. This comment is mostly towards MikeSouths’s comment. I think for the most part the industry doesn’t know what to do with a women like Kayden. In the past, you had the industry build women like JennaJ up, but in the long run, the return on investment just wasn’t there. With the internet, the industry just isn’t that lucrative anymore. The goal now seems be to make as many f-flicks as quickly, as cheaply as possible.

    In my personal opinion, the best goal, and only goal, a woman should every have to enter porn, is as an ends to a meana. Society will never fully accept it, and I’m not so sure that’s a bad thing. But whom, am I to say I know anything. I’m just a guy who really needs to get back to work…

  9. Kayden, I think you could have summed up this post with one sentence: Because I want to. Thanks for the extra.

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