ACLU comes out in favor of “Pumpkin Pie”

Soon, thanks to the ACLU, it may be safe to run around nude in public….well at least in Boulder, Colorado that is.  That’s right, the group that has defended the First ammendment for nearly a century against the assaults of censors, over-bearing law-enforcement and overly-intrusive government, among others, has come to the aid of a group of Boulder residents who decided to run naked through the streets with pumpkins on their heads.  Personally, I don’t find pumpkins particularly erotic, but as South always says…”there’s an ass for every seat.”  The larger question in play here is should these people be charged with indecent exposure?  In my humble opinion, their only mistake was their choice of fruits and vegetables.  If I wanted to run through the streets naked..and believe me when I tell you I have been known to do that in the past (I know you can’t believe that can you?) I would have NOT put anything on my head, but MIGHT have used something else…oh…I don’t know…maybe a cucumber or a zucchini…and placed it somewhere else. 

But in all seriousness, I have not always agreed with the ACLU on some things.  I did not think that they ahould have defended any of the terrorists involved in 9/11.  I also did not like their stance on pedophiles.  This time, however, the ACLU is spot on.  Per the Colorado statute, for someone to be guilty of indecent exposure there must be “…. somebody that says they would have been alarmed or affronted,” said Andy Schmidt, a lawyer of one of the pumpkin runners, speaking about indecent exposure. “In this situation, that was not going to happen.”  Now, leaving aside the fact that there are many people who engage in such behavior despite the fact that the general consensus would be they need to leave their clothes ON, as an adult entertainer I applaud the ACLU’s position.  The American Puritanical attitude towards nudity and all things sexual is counter-productive, in my opinion, to the mental health and well-being of us all.  I obviously do not need to enumerate the years of wrong-thinking legislation enacted throughout this nation to readers of MikeSouth.com.  In Boulder, city and law enforcement officials believe these nude pranksters should be required to register as sex offenders….SEX OFFENDERS.  That’s like saying the so-called “chef ” who made a really, really bad osso-bucco is a murderer of Italian heritage and cuisine.  Well…actually that is true….just forget the analogies, suffice to say they are as guilty of being sex offenders as I am of being a nun.

In todays world of big-government, terror threats, nuclear proliferation, Wall Street bailouts, political correctness run amok and a general fear for the future, don’t the cops in Boulder have something better to do with their time?  I DO NOT support the right of a 60 year old man to sit outside an elementary school with his pants around his ankles singing “God Bless America” while masturbating because that IS the textbook definition of a pedophile/sex offender.  But as long as there are NO children around and there are NO people complaining why doesn’t “Big Brother” stay out of our sex lives?

I think we should organize a MikeSouth.com “Naked Run for Freedom” and I will lead the way, carrying the torch, neatly tucked away someplace nice.  This story has left me craving squash caserole.