Ode to the Dumb Cooze

The poster child of fuck up is at it again. I keep overestimating her as she forges ahead on this fanatical campaign against the adult industry. I keep wanting to believe she’ll play fair but I’m beginning to realize that her behavior will always be in line with that of a spoiled and vindictive child who will do or say anything to get its way.

I’m sorry guys. This is going to be a long one. I was going to take excerpts from her “biography” but the whole thing deserves some attention. On another note, just because her stupidity makes me giddy, please pay attention to how she flip flops between the third and first person as she writes about herself.

“Shelley is a former porn actress fighting tirelessly against the pornography industry which affects most of the world in a destructive way. Unrelenting in the cause of human rights, Shelley is passionate to educate people all around the world about the abusive and illegally operating porn industry as well as inspire the world to stop viewing pornography and stop contributing to the destruction of men and women who are being abused daily in the pornography industry.”

I’m half annoyed with myself for not jumping on this one way sooner. Not only does she not want us shooting porn but she wants the world to stop viewing it. She had absolutely no free will in the matter when she shot porn (and cashed the checks from it) and none of the other performers do either. Right? Because how else would this be a human rights issue? But she takes it further. None of the viewers should have the free will to watch it either. She stumbled over the very first line (English 101? apparently not required in god school) of this masterpiece and will continue to do so throughout, but she knows better than the rest of the world and we should take her seriously. We should also watch out because the pornographers are operating illegally (if that were the case her fight would have been over by now).

“Because of the huge epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases, drugs and abuse towards adult industry workers and lack of help available, Shelley and her husband Garrett founded the Pink Cross Foundation, a legally formed non-profit organization created to reach out to porn performers and sex workers offering care packages with individualized recovery plans, financial assistance and resources to rebuild their lives.”

Ha ha funny story: Shelley and I were on the radio yesterday and she spent the whole time talking over me. I was quiet for her while she made her points and then she spoke over the top of me when it was my turn to speak. Picture a third grader with her finger in her ears saying “lalalalalala I can’t hear you lalalalala”. It was not far off from that. But I was able to get a few things in. Her reaction was incredible when I pointed out that her Pink Cross foundation was not, in fact, a non-profit. According to the Attorney General’s office, there is no Pink Cross Foundation on file as a charitable organization. The only records are a filing with the Secretary of State as a regular corporation. She started ranting “Yes it is Yes it is i care about these girls you don’t know what they go through…..!!!”. Picture a raving lunatic. It was not far off from that either. The distinction needs to be made: just because you aren’t making money off of it doesn’t mean it’s a non profit.

Drugs: sensitive issue. She spoke about that too. Now I’d like to expand on why I called her a vindictive child. She did the whole “drugs are rampant” speech and then did something I’ve never heard her do before: she listed individual performers who had battled drug problems. Ok fine Shelley, you win. Some performers have had drug issues. She listed two names that haven’t been in the industry for something like 8 or ten years, then she listed two names that I recognized and know personally. They are active in the industry. It was just really peculiar that she chose those two names to mention on a nationally syndicated radio program. Why? Two reasons. The first is that they are bad examples. One of the girls did battle a drug problem but has overcome it and has been completely clean for awhile now. The other only smokes pot. Even president Clinton smoked pot (but he didn’t inhale *wink*). So these are not girls who are giving the state a good reason to tax our industry (that’s what we were supposed to be debating on the radio). These girls are not burdens on the state. Here is the second reason it’s weird that she would mention them: they were the only two performers who commented negatively about her on my myspace blog. I know she’s been paying attention to my myspace page. She keeps sending me fucking friend requests and telling me she loves me and sees potential in me. How childish to mention these girls by name on a nationally syndicated program and accuse them of having drug problems because they weren’t nice to her on myspace.

Now here is a question: Shelley claims to have been doing god’s work for these girls since 2002. She proudly reports 5 success stories. 5 girls in the thousands that have come in and out of our industry have turned to Shelley for help. She omits the part where one of the five went right back in. Trivial, usually, but that’s 20% of her gross. The question is: why only five if she is offering to give them money? If the girls were only in it for a quick buck it seems like the quicker buck would be to take advantage of Shelley Lubben. Another trivial point I know but I feel its worth making.
“A former stripper, prostitute and pornographic actress in the 80’s and 90’s, Shelley suffered major negative effects of the pornography industry and was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depressive Disorder, Impulse Control Disorder and substance abuse due to years of trauma from the sex industry. In 1994, she was infected with the non-curable disease Genital Herpes while making a pornographic film and later developed early cervical cancer. Shelley had three unexpected pregnancies from prostitution acts, two ending in miscarriages and one Entopic pregnancy. Shelley understands very well how destructive the pornography industry is.”

Ok slow down Shelley. Bipolar disorder and depression both run in families, showing that there is at least some genetic influence. How much, they don’t know, but porn did not give birth to Shelley Lubben and so it can’t be the root of the problem. And if she really is bipolar, who appointed her as the bringer of light and all things sugary? For those of you who are unfamiliar with the disorder, Britney Spears is bipolar. That should give you a good idea of Shelley’s level of crazy. Yes, it can be controlled with medication and therapy, but I swear it just doesn’t seem like she’s taking advantage of it. Impulse Control Disorder would explain the drug abuse and even shed light on the choice to follow money into the adult industry, but the adult industry and the drugs would not explain the Impulse Control Disorder. Impulse Control Disorder would also explain frantically talking over me on the radio yesterday. Dumb cooze. And PTSD? From what, exactly. It is pointless to make the claim that you suffer from PTSD without further going into it. Was it a bad acid trip? Was she raped by someone in the industry? What event caused it? And how the fuck does she know she caught herpes on a set? She was hooking for godsakes she could have caught it anywhere! And not wearing condoms…. explaining the three pregnancies…. Another point: I think its really convenient that her body couldn’t stay pregnant during that time but, bam!, the minute she’s married she can pop out two healthy beautiful children…. I would say she either miscarried with some surgical help or embellished the number of pregnancies because it makes her story look more traumatic… Shelley knows how destructive the porn industry can be but does the porn industry know how destructive Shelley is? Why is she allowed to set up booths at our conventions? At LA Erotica she spent the whole time telling consumers how bad we were. She passed out fucking flyers and left cards in the bathrooms listing her “facts”. That’s hurting our industry and we should be doing something about it.
“After finding God through Christianity and enduring eight hard years of recovery at the Champion’s Center in Tacoma, Washington, Shelley was able to live a normal healthy Champion life.
Shelley is currently pursuing a Bachelor’s of Theology degree at Vision International University in California and is near completion. Shelley has attended Pierce College in Tacoma Washington for her general academics, Wisdom For Life Leadership School in Tacoma Washington and Harvestime International Bible College where she received a Christian Workers Certificate in Biblical Studies in 2003. Shelley majors in Theology and minors in Creative Writing. Shelley is also the president of the Pink Cross Foundation which is a non-profit organization that reaches out to porn stars and sex workers to help them rebuild their lives as well as helping those who struggle with porn addiction. Shelley enjoys raising her daughters, creative writing, volunteering at local rescue missions and prisons, reading about great Reformers, inspiring people to never give up and is extremely involved in missionary, social and activism work.”

Champion Center, no offense, but she’s making you sound like you’re about to hand out Kool-aid spiked with rat poison to your congregation. You should reign her in a little if she’s going to live a Champion life.

A bachelor’s in theology…. I’ve always thought that was a little misleading because she’s not going to come out knowing a goddamn thing about any religion other than Christianity. I probably know more than she does about theology. At least I’ve paid attention to all of the major religions and some of the minor ones. She and I should sit down and talk christian god one day. I’ve read at least as much of the bible as she has (all of it). I’ve been to bible camp. I went to a private christian school. I want a BA in theology too.

Ok so she majors in the study of a book that is backed by absolutely no science and has not been updated or amended for a millennium or two, and she minors in creative writing but she’s very bad at the technical side of it because her words are strung together in a very choppy fashion and there is no real transition and she keeps running off topic and making irrelevant points and she capitalizes the word “reformers”. She can be creative though. I’ll give her that. I’ve read some of her creative writing. There was one piece I found especially creative that she put out. It was entitled “Porn Industry Facts”. She’s also good at creative speaking. For example, yesterday on the radio the rate of herpes jumped from her previously claimed but unsubstantiated 66% to a whopping 100% (never mind that for all viruses, including AIDS, there will be some rate of immunity among the host population so 100% is impossible).
“Shelley speaks knowledgeably on such topics as the negative effects of prostitution and pornography, the truth behind the porn industry, how to overcome pornography addiction, the risks and effects of sex work, sexual abuse, recovery for sex workers, and other subjects to include Theology, web development and more. ”

Ok this also should have come up way way earlier. I failed by overlooking it. She does not speak knowledgeably on the topic of porn. She shot porn for two years fifteen years ago. We tried looking her up. She has four movies out that we could find and one magazine cover. The industry today is not the industry of fifteen years ago. It is more corporate and more accepted. Social attitudes towards it and sex in general are different. The environments are bound to be different. That shouldn’t matter though. She will be the first to admit that she was on meth the whole time. How accurate can her memories be? Then she had the audacity to ask me yesterday on the radio what right I had to speak on the topic. Well, I’ve had over 20 layouts published in men’s magazines, including all of the major ones such as Hustler, Penthouse, and Club. I’ve been signed with two of the major adult video companies and in negotiations with two others. I have a total of four regular blogs that I contribute to on major adult websites, I’ve had eight feature movies that have been released (I have multiple scenes in all of them) and three more that haven’t been. Then there is the website work. I’ve shot boy/girl scenes for sites such as Suze.net and Earlmiller.com. I’ve been featured on Twisty’s, Danni’s harddrive, Cyberage, Hotbody, Digital Desire, and the list goes on. I feature dance. I’ve attended almost every convention this year, but the major one, AVN, I’ve attended as talent 3 years in a row. I’ve done mainstream shows as a porn star including Gene Simmons Family Jewels. So to sum it up, yes I’m new and I haven’t shot huge numbers of movies in comparison to other performers, but I’m more involved in this industry and see more aspects of it than Shelley ever has or ever will. To really beat the expert, I only need to have shot more boy/girl scenes than she has anyway. And I’ve done that.

“Shelley wants to warn America what porn’s mission is:
To completely destroy you and your family through its ability to lure you and deceive you to buy into the lie.”

Oh god I must have missed that board meeting. Or maybe its just the big guys up top and they forgot to put out the press release. As if we as an industry have ever been that organized. Do I really need to go into this one? We should be flattered that we’ve now been assigned an agenda though. We are officially as big a threat to the fabric of America as the gays. Porn’s mission is the mission of every other industry: to make a profit.
“Some of pornography’s lies:
Porn doesn’t hurt anyone. But the statistics are clear. According to comScore Media Metrix, 71.9 million people visited adult sites in August 2005, reaching 42.7 percent of the Internet audience. At $12 billion a year, the revenues of the porn industry in the U.S. are bigger than the NFL, NBA and Major League Baseball combined. Worldwide porn sales are reported to be $57 billion.
To put this in perspective, Microsoft sells the operating system used on most of the computers in the world (in addition to other software) and reported sales of $36.8 billion in 2004.”

Jesus Christ if that’s true I want a raise. If we’re making so much money then people must like porn. Why would you take that happiness from them Shelley? Of course this is yet another point that she’s made that should have absolutely no bearing on her argument. How much money we make or don’t make should not be a moral justification for trying to cut our freedom off at the knees, or for spreading lies, or for saving 5 minus 1 pornstars. How much money we make has absolutely nothing to do with whether porn hurts anyone.
“Pornography is not only highly addictive material but also promotes lies about women. “Porn,” Shelley says, “exploits and devalues women. Porn converts women into objects rather then people with feelings and opinions of their own. Even soft-core pornography portrays women as sex objects who exist only to give sexual satisfaction to men. They are “pets†or “playmates†valued only from the neck down. Many porn addicts now admit they find it hard not to view women as chunks of meat because of viewing pornography.””

She’s worried about how women are portrayed in porn but she’s putting all of her energy into a BA in the christian bible. Have you read the old testament? Women are either whores or property. And back to the human rights she mentioned above: the bible actually has rules on how to treat your slaves. The second Shelley comes out with some consistency or reason I’m going to throw her a party.
“Another lie the porn industry wants you to believe is that we porn actresses love sex. They want you to think we enjoy being degraded by all kinds of repulsive acts. Read the excerpt from my book below “The Truth Behind the Fantasy of Porn”:
Many believe the widespread fairytale that women enjoy making porn movies but in reality there are no happy endings for the women of porn. Women do NOT enjoy making porn movies and a closer behind-the-scenes look will show you several reasons why.
In the world of hardcore sex, an average day on the set for a porn actress is a long and tedious process. Women are told to come in around 8 am for makeup but it’s only to make sure porn actresses arrive on time to work. Porn stars have a habit of arriving late because they’re often hung over from drugs or alcohol from the night before.
After make up, porn actresses usually wait around long hours until it’s their turn to do their scene. Some scenes take an hour and some take several hours to film. It really depends if the male actor in the first scene could “perform” or not. It also depends if female actresses have to stop the clock because they can’t handle the pain of a hardcore sex scene.
While waiting around, jaded porn performers usually end up in the rest rooms with bottles of alcohol and lines of speed or outside in their cars for a heroin fix or gathered in the back yard with other actors to smoke marijuana.
To add to the mind-numbing process, women are never able to experience sexual pleasure because of the continuous cutting during sex scenes. In the background the director constantly yells, “cut” and the flow of action is interrupted in order to get a better shot, adjust lighting or to wipe up bodily fluids. Repeatedly pornographers stop the scenes and ask actors to “freeze” in position during very hardcore sex acts, which causes great physical and emotional pain for porn actresses.
I speak from personal experience when I say to be in the middle of a hardcore sex act with several actors at the same time and told to “freeze” in position for several minutes while lighting or cameras are adjusted is extremely painful and degrading. It’s also very humiliating when scenes are stopped in order to wipe up bodily fluids such as semen, feces and blood.
Despite the fact that women do not enjoy making porn movies, they continue to lie to their fans and proudly insist they enjoy making porn movies. Of course they do. They get paid hundreds and thousands of dollars to lie because this is their occupation. Porn stars are paid professional liars who know how to “act” and they do it well. In fact, because porn stars spend a great deal of time in front of the camera and never step out of character, they usually have greater acting abilities than mainstream Hollywood actors.
I used to brag endlessly to fans and pornographers about my extreme “Italian” sex drive and how I loved making porn movies. I would go on and on about how I needed more and more to fulfill my insatiable appetite. I lied 100% of the time to 100% of the people. Lying is the native language of porn stars because they can’t afford to tell you the truth. Not only would it ruin the fantasy for their fans but more importantly, it would ruin the amount of their paychecks. Don’t believe porn actresses when they proudly proclaim they enjoy making porn movies. They’re ACTING.”

I love sex. I do. And I’m not just telling myself that. If we didn’t love sex we wouldn’t have it when we weren’t getting paid. But we continue to date even while in the industry and (presumably) have sex. And I can get off in the scenes. She must have been doing it wrong. Or maybe the meth got in the way. I know I can’t get off if I’ve been drinking. And really, who the fuck other than Shelley has ever called pornstars good actors? Our acting is painful!

What really confuses me is why she was humiliated when blood, semen, or feces had to be wiped off the floor. Quick stab: its called splooge and shit, Shelley. Bible school has not made you that sophisticated. If it had you would have stopped wearing porn make up years ago (I wear it because I’m in still in porn, and only when I’m working). But really, splooge happens on porn sets. In fact, if splooge doesn’t happen, the splooger doesn’t get paid. That’s the whole fucking point. Now, as for the blood and shit, were you putting anything in vaginas or assholes by chance? Because every 28 days that pussy is biologically programmed to bleed for a little while. And shit comes from assholes. So yes, these things will probably show up on set once in awhile. Don’t be embarrassed. We’re all used to it.

“Porn is virtually everywhere on earth. It affects everyone. No matter where you go, it’ll be in your path. It will reach you through its TV networks, pay-per-view movies on cable and satellite, Internet Web sites, in-room hotel movies, phone sex, peep shows, and magazines.”

She has a good point. We’ve definitely made some progress since she was in the industry. We’re more in demand than ever. Go Capitalism!
“But Shelley Lubben will be there too, right in the porn industry’s face exposing its ugly naked truth and offering a message of hope to those who want out of the trap of porn.”

And I’ll be right there behind her, telling everyone she’s lying, asking her to tone down her make up, critiquing her creative writing and speaking, attacking her moral reasoning (or lack thereof), and posting blogs every time she pisses me off.