The Gene Simmons Sex Tape

The story broke today that there is a Gene Simmons sex tape in existence and that you can now see your favorite KISS bassist throwing down with some Aussie chick named Elsa, whom he apparently met doing a stint as a spokesperson for Franks Ebergy Drink.

Now having some familiarity with Gene Simmon’s self aggrandizing I would like to point out that I wouldn’t be even a little bit surprised to find out that Gene really owns the site selling this tape and that he made it two weeks ago with some pornchick he took a fancy to. Gene Simmons is no stranger to porn, he can be seen at all our industry functions and even alluded to making money in porn in his book Sex, Money, KISS.

I wrote the following a review of Sex, Money Kiss back when it came out:

Sex, Money, KISS

I have met Gene Simmons on a couple of occasions, both during porn conventions. It is no secret that he likes our biz and the people in it, particularly the chicks. He has always struck me as a bit difficult to approach, he is a tall guy, kind of imposing and he is big too add to that the sunglasses, even indoors and he becomes intimidating, not from a physical standpoint but more just the fact that you know who he is and you figure he wouldn’t give a rats ass about who you are. Or maybe he is just shy.

“If the day ever comes and you are lucky enough to make money from your hobby; do it full-time, you will be blessed to be working at something you love.”

“you will not be arrested by the government and otherwise incarcerated for saying or doing almost anything. That includes making porno films. Yes, you can even do that and make a fortune.”

Or so says Gene Simmons in his new book “Sex Money Kiss”. I admit I was hoping he would tell me how, exactly to get rich in porn, something that is still eluding me, but he is correct in that I am having fun in this biz.

While Gene isn’t exactly the wordsmith that say, George Will is, his book is quite to the point. He doesn’t mince words on ideas such as being cheap (”The word cheap is a wonderful word! Learn to love it. Be cheap, just like me”) drugs (”I chose a certain lifestyle; hard work, no drugs or booze and no marriage. It has served me well.”)

WHAT?

No drugs? I have never been what you would call a fan of KISS but I just figured just by looking at him that he just HAD to at least smoke some weed. But no, he doesn’t and he is pretty adamant about it. Why, you might ask? Because it gets in the way of him making money.

If there is one thing that is abundantly clear in “Sex Money Kiss” it is that Gene Simmons is all about the money, he is an avowed capitalist and no question a Libertarian.

“Sex Money Kiss” tends to be half self help book and half Gene stroking himself book. The self help part you have probably heard before, stuff like find something you like to do and do it for profit. Or Don’t waste your time doing things that don’t make you money. Let us not forget the one all important mantra of the self help crowd; Don’t be afraid to fail, keep trying.

I don’t see this book as being aimed at the usual self help crowd however, lets face it someone who reads those books isn’t likely to pick up “Sex Money Kiss” and I am betting that most Gene Simmons fans aren’t really the type that read self help books, so he may have found an accidental audience.

None the less the book is interesting in that it chronicles a lot of Gene’s history in both his successful ventures and his failures, it also has a very strong survivalist message and anti drug message. It’s clear that while Simmons may not be the most articulate and engaging author he does believe what he is writing and what he is writing is actually good advice up and down the line.

“A prostitute will at least have the honesty and integrity of full disclosure. Before any kind of physical activity happens, she will tell you how much money she wants for the act!” “Dumb men will always get married, so will smart women.”

I would guess that if Gene Simmons has one pet peeve it is the social institution of marriage. He is quite vocal about why it’s a very bad idea financially for men and a very good one for women. In public you will probably say that his ideas are Neanderthal while in private you do see the validity of them.

The book is not a hard read, nor is it a particularly long one. It is entertaining without a doubt and may even give you an idea or two to improve your own fiscal or even physical situation. If you are curious, give it a read.

Hey every one I found was an “Autographed Limited Edition” supposedly signed by Gene Himself, that probably makes the book worth it’s $25.95 cover price.