A Special Report from my undercover Investigator:

ateline: Los Angeles

In the interests of creative journalism, last night I attempted to interview the Motel 6 security guard, Mr. Juan Rodriguez, regarding the blatant illegal commercial sex trade that takes place nightly in and around the parking lot.
The following is an exact transcript of that interview.

I had observed the security guard for several evenings prior to actually
approaching him. Early Saturday morning, June 29, I met him as he manned his
post near the Mountain Dew machine. The time was approximately 3:15 am.

MS.com: Excuse me, sir…may I ask your name?
Juan: Que? Por favor?
MS.com: (looking at name tag) Juan? Is that your name, Juan?
Juan: Si…Juan. Me nombre Juan.
MS.com: My name is Tim, and I work for Mike South.com. Are you familiar with
Mike South?
Juan: Que? Miguel? Sud?
MS.com: South. Mike South. Porn? You know…XXX? Suckie fuckie? The General?
Juan: Madre de dios. No no, senor. No suckie.
MS.com: Juan, what is the prostitution situation here at the Motel 6? Are you
aware that there are hookers all over the place? That illegal activities are
taking place nightly right under your nose?
Juan: Que?
MS.com: Prositution. Whores. Putas, Juan. Pussy. What do you have to say
about that?
Juan: Putas? No, no senor.
MS.com: Don’t ‘senor’ me, Juan. Why aren’t you doing something about all this
illegal sex? Are you perhaps getting a little slice of the pie? Of the HAIR
pie?
Juan: Hair? Pie? No, no senor.
MS.com: I think you’re pulling my leg, Juan. I think you know EXACTLY what is
going on here at the Motel 6. And I think you can speak English fluently, as
well. Tell me, what color is that car over there?
Juan: Que? Verde?
MS.com: What color is that hooker’s hair?
Juan: Que?
MS.com: Repeat after me…The Pearl is In the River.
Juan: Theeee pearl….
MS.com: …is in…
Juan: …es iiiiiiiiiiiiiiin…
MS.com: the River.
Juan: el Reeeeeeever.
MS.com: May I have a taco, please?
Juan: Que?
MS.com: Can I have more sour cream on my burrito?
Juan: Burrito? Donde esta?
MS.com: Goddess is hungry for my penis.
Juan: Que? Goddess?
MS.com: Speedy Gonzales is the Messiah.
Juan: No, no senor. Madre de dios.
MS.com: Uh huh…just as I thought, Juan Peron. You just better watch
yourself, senor beano — we have our eyes on you.

With this, I left the security guard standing by the Mountain Dew machine,
and headed back to my room. More as the situation develops.

TIM, I NEED PICTURES dude, hookers and Juan…Regan Senter cruising the Parking lot, TT Boy looking for the Sistas.

Ever wonder what its like being on a porn set: Here ya go, compliments of Tim Fax:

Day Four – Friday: The Waiting Game

It started out to be a relaxing day. Felicia was going to lay out in the sun until noon by the Motel 6 pool, and then get ready to go and shoot a scene for “Titty-Mania” over at Ron Vogel’s house. She had a 3pm call time for Ron’s in the valley.[The day before, when we were done at the Wicked set and were heading toward Chili’s for dinner, the phone rang. Some guy named “Chuck”, who got her number and had seen her pics over at World Modeling.”Hello, Felicia? This is Chuck. I’m helping to cast a series for Heatwave, and wanted to see if you were available Friday at 3 for a boy/girl.”Sure. Did Jim South tell you I’m condom-only and no anal?”

“Yes, he did. Are you flexible at all on the condom thing?”

“Not even a little.”

“Oh, okay. No problem. Well, be there at 3, and you should be in and out
in an hour. Are your breasts double Ds?”

“No, they’re natural 36Ds.”
“Oh. Well this is for the big boob market.”
“I can say they’re double D’s on camera, if you’d like.”
“Yeah, that’d be great. See you tomorrow.”]

She’d been out in the sun for maybe 20 minutes Friday morning when the phone rang.”Tim, this is Jim South at World Modeling. Is Felicia still coming over at 1:30 to meet with the Playboy people?”
Ack. “Not sure, Jim — she has a 3 o’clock call time today.”
“Well, I know she’s already done alot of work for Playboy. But this “7 Lives Exposed” sounds like a good project. And Nick from Adam & Eve is also going to be here casting, and Felicia mentioned that she would really like to work with them.”
“Okay — we’ll be there.”
God-dammit. I go interrupt Miss Fox’s rare moment of relaxation by the pool, feeling like a complete heel the whole time, and hustle her upstairs and into the shower. Pack the bag for the Heatwave shoot — check the email — then we’re out the door and headed for Van Nuys Blvd. Again. A quick phone call from Devinn Lane, thanking Felicia for her great performance the day before and giving her some good advice, really makes my lady’s day. I’m proud as can be.
We show up at the cattle call…sexy (and some not-so-sexy) women all over the room, all waiting to talk to the Playboy people. Lounging around in their street clothes, the ones who know each other laughing and talking, egos galore…I spot a familiar couple over in the corner. “Red Heaven” and her old man, the wanna-be porn stud from the other day — still waiting for work, kids? Imagine that. Pandemonium as the phones ring off the hook, girls laugh and joke, producers drag the newbies off for Polaroids. Someone from the “North Pole” series calls…”Jim, we need a new girl for a girl/girl/girl scene immediately. Do you have anyone?” T.T. Boy stops in and immediately gloms onto some fresh-faced asian girl who, by her manner, seems to be just off the bus. I have visions of her in a few weeks doing a bukakke, and shudder.
Felicia gets in and does her quick on-camera interview, then we’re out the door and heading toward Ron’s for her scene. It’s 2:30…the guy from Adam & Eve never made it in. She just shakes her head. Bad omen.3pm at the set and she’s into makeup. Lots of girls around, in various states of undress. Bald pussies everywhere — jesus christ, does EVERYONE shave these days? A guy walks into the room after finishing up his scene, some black guy with a dick about the size of Florida. Felicia’s eyes widen in admiration. Chantz Fortune is there, and she and Felicia say hello again. Hugs all around. Felicia does her paperwork and changes, settles down to wait for her scene.
4pm passes. No calls for her from the set, no Chuck. The promised hour has come and gone.
4:45pm. Cigarettes almost out. Chantz, who has been here longer than us, still hasn’t been called for her scene. Johnny Thrust, who is performing with Chantz as well as helping with the production end, tells Felicia that she can pick up her check at the end of next week, unless of course she would be interested in doing a quick scene for either “Gag Factor” or “Pink Eye” series, in which case both her checks would be available on Monday. For “Gag Factor”, a throat fucking series, the female talent has to swallow. “Pink Eye” is a BJ series where the male talent ejaculates directly into the eyes of the female. Each pays $250 for a scene.
Felicia politely declines.
5pm. Felicia begins to steam… still no Chuck who, as it turns out, is also the male talent she’s scheduled to work with. Imagine that. This is the same guy who told her to be there at 3 ready to work, an hour or so and you’re done. Retrieving his number on her cell phone, Felicia calls him.
“Chuck, this is Felicia. Where are you? I’ve been here waiting since 3.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll be there in an hour.”
She puts down the phone and glares at me. An hour. Homicide lives in her eyes.
5:45pm. No Chuck. No Cigarettes. No food, either — evidently the production isn’t much on craft service, and Felicia hasn’t eaten since waking up. Things are getting touchy, to say the least.
6:30pm. Chantz and Johnny Thrust finally get called for their sex scene
— Felicia gets called for “pretty girl” still shots, pictures taken of all the female talent for the boxcover, promo materials, etc. Usually starting with the actress in her costume and then progress down to nude. Felicia, relieved to be doing something, relaxes a little.
7:15pm. The pretty girl shots long over with, Felicia has had enough. Walking out onto the outdoor set, she waits for a break in the action and politely asks Jim Lane if she may reschedule her scene for next week with another actor. I stand off to one side, admiring her ability to quell the raging volcano that has been brewing inside her for four hours.Jim and his entire production staff fall over themselves apologizing profusely and treat her with the utmost respect. The fact that she looks stunning and is mostly naked may have something to do with this. Every male present proclaims the missing Chuck to be an asshole for passing up the opportunity to pork such a magnificent creature. I’m impressed by the level of professionalism displayed — earlier impressions of bonehead-ism are temporarily set aside.
Felicia reschedules for Tuesday, and requests a different actor. Take that, Chuckie. Next week is shaping up to be a busy week. She dresses, and we go grab a couple of steaks.
Then out to Players, a strip club in Sun Valley on Penrose, to see our friend the sexy Kylie Kurves, who is featuring there. Felicia herself will be the headliner there next week, and our visit is a chance to check the place out as well as say hello to Kylie, our buddy, who hates being in LA.Sit for her fabulous show, head for the hotel after a quick swing through Blockbuster, make a few phone calls and settle in for the night. Tomorrow is going to be a relaxing day, with no shoots scheduled. She needs the break, I think.

Once,again, Tim Thanks for the insight into what it’s like to actually BE in this biz.