Mainstream Videographers Can’t Shoot Porn

I tend to curl up in the fetal position every time I overhear someone in LA talking about their “upcoming projects”. You can walk into any Starbucks at any hour of the day and I guarantee you there will be a guy with a goatee wearing shorts and dirty tennis shoes discussing “his project” for the entire fucking store to hear. Coming up on close to a year here of having the privilege to contribute to MikeSouth.com, I now find myself coming off like the Starbucks project guy.

About a year ago this time, I took a big sigh of relief and quit the whole reality television mainstream entertainment fuckery that I had been working in for a number of years. From feature film, television, home video, video games, and music industry, I had my hand in a little bit of everything including moonlighting on some porn sets as a consultant. My intention at the time was to leave mainstream all together and just focus on producing some high concept adult stuff under a pseudonym and live a much easier less complicated life.

I don’t want to make this sound anymore overly dramatic and gay than it already does, so let me just cut to the chase and say that I ended up doing five more reality television series after I said I was going to quit mainstream and basically put my adult projects on hold to make THE REAL dirty money that is reality television for work that I have grown to detest. Trust me, I’m not looking for any sympathy on account of being a whore. I’m just telling you that there are more honorable people making face sitting videos than there are producing this type of television for Viacom and Comcast (the owners of E!).

I’ve gotten back to working on porn related stuff these past couple of weeks. It’s never been my intention to actually start a production company myself. I’m just a hired gun idea guy. Plain and simple. That’s what I did in mainstream as a producer, and I think the concepts I’ve come up with for adult have the same potential to make people money in this industry.

An award winning mainstream television videographer friend of mine was up here in Northern California last week on assignment with his two member crew shooting for Spike TV. I know him well enough that he knows the adult stuff I’m working on, and he came up with the bright idea of wanting to shoot a scene for me last Saturday that I could use in pitching one of my web/video projects. This is a guy who’s won all kinds of snobby highbrow awards for videography, but could barely contain his excitement to shoot live fucking for free.

At the very last minute, I called up an ex-Suicide Girl I knew with the least amount of tattoos possible who worked at a pet store and asked her if she would fuck her boyfriend on camera for me for $500.00. Apparently, alt porn chicks aren’t used to making any money for sex because she practically cried tears of joy on the phone like I was Ed McMahon giving her a check on her front porch.

To sum up this motherfucking long story, after four hours of my meticulous high concept direction, this multi-award winning veteran videographer and his crew couldn’t shoot a sex scene worth a gold plated shit…………… It came out looking like a National Geographic documentary about lions mating across the Serengeti. This pile of horseshit will never see the light of day with my name connected to it. Needless to say, that is the last time I let some mainstream “professional” fuck up my pornography. From now on, I will only work with experienced Bipolar pornographers who I can trust.

The only positive that came out of the day was toward the end of the shoot when my girlfriend of seven weeks got a bit swept up in the moment and thought it would be hot to give me a blow job while the camera was rolling. Anyone who has read my bullshit on here in the past knows that I’ve had absolutely NO desire to appear on camera fucking. Not that I’m a prude. I just always considered myself to be the type of guy who wouldn’t be able to perform on command in front of other people. To my surprise, I was slinging cock like a true San Fernando Valley parolee with life rage. The Kurt Lockwood’s of the world would be proud. Now that fucking on camera is off my to do list, I will move on to sky diving.