Mike:
Hello, HAPPY THANKSGIVING, CONGRATS, YOU’VE WON!!!!!!!
Here’s a peek at my third annual awards, enjoy!!!!!!
And the Winner is…….
and bans you from the suitcase pimp club….
DEATH ON TWO LEGS??.
{www.crossroadsedge.com}
THE 2002 SHERMAN AWARDS?.
{And how was your year Sherman? Funny you should ask??.}
Sorry no pre-nom, just ANOTHER PLUG?.. These are in no particular order,
And so it goes, and so it goes, yes kids, another year, another tear, another
psycho for us to fear. Here it is, The good, the bad, the happy and the mad. My apologies to those I’ve forgotten, those who deserve to be, consider yourselves lucky?.Those who didn’t, the first round’s on me in January?}
BEST AMBASSADOR FOR PORN:
RON JEREMY,DAVE CUMMINGS,SEAN MICHAELS
COOLEST PEOPLE:
ANNA MALLE, HANK, MR. MARCUS AND EVERTYONE I’VE FORGOTTEN
CLASSIEST PEOPLE:
SEAN MICHAELS, GINGER LYNN, TERI WIEGEL, DAVE CUMMINGS, LEXINGTON STEELE
SMARTEST WORKING COUPLE IN PORN:
JESSICA DRAKE/ EVAN STONE {WATCH, LISTEN AND LEARN CHILDREN}
STRANGEST DUO:
PORSCHE LYNN/BRIDGETTE THE MIDGET ADULT EXPO 2002
FAVORITE NEW CUMMERS ;
{ IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER} TAWNY ROBERTS, JENNA HAZE, CARMEN LUVANNA, HANNAH HARPER, ARIA, SHAYLA STYLES
THOSE WHO MAKE IT HARD:
JESSICA DRAKE, STAR E KNIGHT,LACEY, INDIA,CASEY PINK, KRYSTAL SUMMERS, ALEXIS AMORE,DEVON,AURORA SNOW,INARI VACHS,SKYE, ANN MARIE,DEE,APRIL, BRIANNA BANKS, NIKITA DENISE,JODIE MOORE
BEST PHOTO OPP NEVER EXPECTED:
GINGER LYNN/AMBER LYNN: THE FOXE AWARDS
BEST CONTINUOUS TREND IN PORN:
FLAKING
BEST PLACE FOR A PERFORMER NOT TO SHOW UP WAS:
HER OWN HOUSE
BEST EXCUSE FOR NOT SHOWING UP:
HIS WAS GETTING STONED WITH HIS DOG, AND HIS DOG BIT HIS DICK
BEST EXPLANNATION FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO POP:
{IT’S A TIE!!} DOUBLE-BOOKED, OR TOO MUCH VIGRA
2ND BEST TREND IN PORN:
“PRIVATES” {WE’RE NOT HOOKERS, REALLY?.}
STRANGEST FINACIAL EQUATION IN PORN:
IF YOU TURN ON A CAMERA, IT’S CHEAPER TO FUCK A PORN STAR
BEST OCCUPATION FOR YESTERDAY’S NEVER WERE’S, OR TOMORROW’S WANNA BE’S:
{IT’S A TIE!!!!} PRIVATES AND WRESTLING
BEST HOME AWAY FROM HOME FOR ANY PORN STARS:
THE BUNNY RANCH
BEST TREND WE’D LIKE TO SEE:
PERFORMERS WHO SHOW UP
2ND TREND WE’D LIKE TO SEE:
ANY ADULT COMPANY MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO FIND A NEWCUMMER AND MAKE HER A STAR, INSTEAD OF JUST SIGNING THE NEVER WERE’S
SINGLE BIGGEST STATEMENT GUARENTEED TO STRIKE FEAR IN ANYONE INTERESTED IN EMPLOYING A PORN STAR:
{IT’S A TIE!!!} SPEAK TO MY HUSBAND-SPEAK TO MY MANAGER
SECOND BIGGEST STATEMENT: I ONLY WORK WITH THE PERFORMERS MY HUSBAND APPROVES, ARE YOU ON HIS LIST?
FUNNIEST STATEMENT OVERHEARD FROM A NON ESTABLISHED PERFORMER ATTEMPTING TO HIRE SOMEONE:
“YOU WANT ME TO WORK WITH WHOM? DO THEY HAVE A TEST? DO YOU PAY IN CASH? YOU WON’T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS WILL YOU?”
BEST COMEBACKS:
TOO MANY TO LIST
THOSE WHO RETIRED:
DALE DEBONE, TOM BYRON
THOSE WHO SHOULD:
MOST IF NOT ALL THAT CAME BACK
BEST DRESSED TO SELL JUST ABOUT ANYTHING:
BRITTANY ANDREWS, EAST COAST VIDEO SHOW
BEST ATTEMPT AT BEING JOHN BOWEN:
THE GANG BANG THAT WASN’T???..
FAVORITE COMPANIES:
VIDEO TEAM/LEGEND/SIN CITY/DIGITAL PLAYGROUND/NEW SENSATIONS/EXTREME ASSOCIATES
BEST DIRECTION IN A PORN MOVIE:
ALL DIRECTORS WHO EXPLAIN TO THE PERFORMERS THAT THEY ONLY NEED 30 SECONDS OF ANAL, {AFTER THEY’VE ALREADY SHOT 20 MINUTES WORTH OF COURSE}
SMARTEST DIRECTOR:
ONE WHO THROWS HIMSELF IN ALL THE SCENES
BEST ATTEMPT AT SMOKE AND MIRRORS:
TO THE ESTABLISHED DIRECTOR WHO WAS GIVEN A BUDGET FOR A FEATURE FILM, AND TRIED TO TURN IN A GONZO SHOT ON HIGH 8MM.
IT’S NOT IN THE BUDGET:
FOR THE CONTRACT STAR WHO ASKED FOR A CAN OF TUNA-FISH FOR LUNCH AND WAS TOLD IT WASN’T IN THE BUDGET, THEY WERE HAVING PIZZA INSTEAD.
ALRIGHT SO I DIDN’T FINISH GRADE SCHOOL:
TO ALL PORN STARS WHO DEMAND CONDOMS, THEN SWALLOW??.
SMARTEST PORN STARS:
THOSE WHO DEMAND TO SEE A TEST FROM ANYONE IN FRONT OF A CAMERA, AND FUCK ANYONE WITHOUT A TEST OFF
BEST PORN STAR LINE TO HIS/HER WEB MASTER:
YOU RIPPED ME OFF!!!!!
BEST PRESS CONFERENCE:
SIN CITY
BEST OPEN HOUSE PARTY:
VIDEO TEAM
HOTTEST GROUP OF LESBIANS {SORRY CONTRACT PERFORMERS}:
JILL KELLY PRODUCTIONS
BEST PUBLICIST’S:
ADELLA, DIGITAL PLAYGROUND/MIKE SOUTH/SKEETER KERKOVE/STEVE BANNAN- THE LIBERTY NETWORK/WWW.FLOATING WORLD.COM/MAX HARDCORE
BEST KEPT SECRET:
MICHAEL STEFFANO
BEST PARTY:
DIGITAL PLAYGROUND “RUSH PREMEIRE”
BEST BOWLING TEAM:
EVERYONE AT THE NIGHT MOVES SHOW IN TAMPA
BEST ALL IN THE FAMILY:
DILLION DAY AND FATHER
HOTTEST DANCE DUOS:
HAVEN/ASHTON MOORE
BEST LOCAL CLUBS:
CLASSY LADY OF OZ, BLUE ZEBRA, DEJA VUE AND SPEARMINT RHINO’S
BEST ALL GIRL ONSTAGE FUCKFEST:
GINGER LYNN, TAWNY ROBERTS, STAR E KNIGHT, KAYLYNN-BLUE ZEBRA {NORTH HOLLYWOOD, CA.} SHOWCASE
HOTTEST COMPANY CEO YOU’D MOST LIKE TO GET AN INDECENT PROPOSAL FROM:
SERENITY-LAS VEGAS NOVELTIES
DELIVERING THE GOODS AWARDS:
REDLIGHT DISTRICT VIDEOS
LITTLE TRAIN THAT DID:
LAS VEGAS NOVELTIES
BEST EXCUSE {OFF THE RECORD} FOR LETTING A CONTRACT STAR GOES:
{IT’S A TIE} FOR ALLEGEDLY PROMOTING HER “PRIVATE” WORK TOO BLANTANTLY-AND:
LOUSY PERFORMER, BAD ATTITUDE, and LACKS MOTIVATION
BEST TREND WE’D LIKE TO SEE FROM PORN COMPANY:
{IT’S A TIE} TALK OUT OF THE FRONT OF YOUR MOUTH—-PAY YOUR BILLS ON TIME PLEASE
BEST ADVICE GIVEN TO A STARLET WHEN ASKED HOW TO GET A CONTRACT:
“SLEEP WITH A CERTAIN DIRECTOR OR FORMER PUBLICIST”
BEST DUO WITH NO TIME {OR PRIVACY} TO GET NASTY:
VIOLET BLUE/ANNA MILLS- FOXE AWARDS
BEST DUO SPOTTED WE’D LIKE TO SQUEEZE BETWEEN:
TERA PATRICK/GINGER LYNN
BEST CROSS OVER FROM CHEESE TO PEPPERONI:
NIKITA KASH
BEST BOXING MATCHES THAT NEVER WERE:
TABITHA STEVENS VS JENNA JAMESON-TERA PATRICK VS JEWEL DE NYLE
BEST CONTORTIONIST:
ALEXIS ON FIRE
MOST PLASTIC SURGERY SOMEONE ELSE PAID FOR:
TABITHA STEVENS
LONGEST TONGUE’S WE LIKE WRAPPED AROUND??
KAYLYNN/KERI WINDSOR
THE NINE LIVES AWARD:
SUNSET THOMAS
STUPIDEST THINGS WE’D SEEN THIS YEAR:
A MODEL CLAIMING SHE DOESN’T DO PORN, SELLING A TAPE WITH HER DOING PORN?
STRANGEST NAME CHANGE:
VERONICA KNIGHT TO AUSTIN RAIN
STRANGEST INTERPRETATION OF ONLY DOING GIRL/GIRL:
TIANNA TAYLOR WORKING WITH SEAN MICHAELS
THE HOTTEST DUO WE MISSED AT ADULT EXPO 2002:
KOBE TAI AND HEATHER HUNTER, WERE IN LAS VEGAS, PLANNED ON GOING TO THE SHOW, NOT TO SIGN, BUT SAY HELLO AND SKIPPED IT..
BIGGEST “BIG DEAL” APPEARANCES:
ANDY DICK AT THE RUSH PARTY, GENE SIMMONS AND SNOOP DOGGY DOG AT THE ADULT EXPO.
STRANGEST RULE ON THE FLOOR OF A CONVENTION:
YOU CANNOT SMOKE, BUT YOU CAN USE SMOKE MACHINES AT THE ADULT EXPO ACCORDING TO THE SANDS EXPO HALL?.
STRANGEST NEW PROMOTIONAL ITEM:
ACTION FIGURES OF ADULT PERFORMERS,
WHO SAYS BRITTANY SPEARS IS THE ONLY ONE TRYING TO SELL PORN TO KIDS?
COOLEST JOURNALIST’S:
DIRTY BOB,CINDI FROM XCITEMENT,TODD AT AVN, STEVE AT AINEWS.COM, STEVE BANNAN, GENE ROSS
MOST OBVIOUS QUESTION NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW,OR CARES ABOUT WHAT THE ANSWER IS:
WHO IS REALLY RUNNING WWW.LUKEFORD.COM?
HARDEST WORKING, YET LEAST RESPECTED GROUP:
EDITORIAL STAFF ADULT VIDEO NEWS
LUCKIEST NET JOURNALIST:
KEVIN MOORE {WWW.STUNNINGCURVES.COM}-2002 INNER-NEXT SHOW, 4 GIRL LAP DANCE
ON-CAMERA JOURNALIST WE’D MOST LIKE TO SLAM:
NIKKI STEELE {ADULT STARS MAGAZINE}
BEST CAREER CHANGES:
STEVE SIDEMAN GOES TO BUNNY RANCH, HARRY WIESS LEAVES METRO
BIGGEST AMOUNT OF MAINSTREAM PRESS THAT AMOUNTED TO NOTHING:
JENNA JAMESON
BEST OFFER ANY STARLET MADE FOR “PUBLICITY”:
ALL OF THEM
FUNNIEST QUESTION TO A STARLET WHEN ASKED ABOUT HER ACADEMICS WHEN SHE INQUIRED ABOUT WRITING A COLUMN:
CAN YOU SPELL YOUR OWN NAME?
FAVORITE PORN STAR AST TEST QUESTION:
SPELL “BOB” BACKWARDS
BIGGEST WHINING PHOTOGRAPHER:
DR.X
MOST STOCK IN KRISPI CRÈME DONUTS:
JEWEL DE NYLE
THOSE MOST DISPISED, YET MOST REQUESTED:
BILL MARGOLD, MAX HARDCORE, GENE ROSS, LUKE FORD, DR.X, STEVE BANNAN
JOURNALIST MOST LIKELY TO SUE YOU FOR JUST ABOUT ANYTHING:
MARC MEDOFF
BEST WAY TO START A PISSING MATCH:
ASK A PORN STAR TO MOVE 2 INCHES EITHER DIRECTION
GONE BUT MOST DEFINITELY NOT FORGOTTEN:
BOBBY HOLLANDER, MIKE RICK
BIGGEST LOSER WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS:
SHERMAN {OF COURSE}
