Mary Carey’s Concession Speech
First of all, I want to thank everyone who helped my historic campaign for governor of California. This includes the believers who donated money to my campaign. The thousands of college students around the state who worked so hard organizing rallies and distributing campaign materials. And I want to thank my boss Mark Kulkis, president of Kick Ass Pictures and the best campaign manager a candidate could ever have!
Tonight the people of California have spoken. Even with a last minute surge in voting from the San Fernando Valley, I don’t think I’ll have enough votes to win this election, so I am officially conceding. I want to congratulate Arnold Schwarzenegger on being elected as the next governor of California. I wish him good luck in running the state, and fixing the serious problems that inspired this recall election in the first place.
As you might know, my campaign has garnered unprecedented media attention. Everyone from the Fox News Channel to the New York Times are referencing what they call “The Mary Carey effect” on the election. It is my sincere hope that with all this attention, there has also been a “Mary Carey effect” on the Bush administration. Attorney General John Ashcroft has stated that he wants to outlaw the adult film industry. Well – hello, that’s me! I’m a porn star, that’s what I do. I love my job. And obviously, a lot of people love watching me do my job in movies like “Mary Carey Rules!”
Of course, the Bush administration will claim they don’t want to outlaw me. They’ll claim that they’re only interested in outlawing “extreme porn.” But who makes that judgment of what’s extreme? Who draws that line? John Ashcroft? Remember, John Ashcroft is the one who ordered a bare breast on a Justice Department statue covered up at a cost of $8000 to taxpayers. Don’t fool yourself – if the American people leave it to John Ashcroft, he will outlaw me and the entire adult entertainment industry.
I hope from all the positive media attention I’ve been getting, that the Bush administration will realize one important fact – that America loves its porn stars! The largest state in this nation – a state with 54 electoral votes – put a porn star on its ballot today. And this same porn star has been beamed into America’s living rooms almost every night for the past two months. If that’s not mainstream acceptance, then I don’t know what is. I would go so far as to say that if you took a poll of the American public today, more people would be happy to invite me into their homes than Rush Limbaugh!
Many reporters have asked me if I have plans to stay in politics. The answer is… YES! Definitely! I’ve had a great reception to my platform from California voters. Even if some of my ideas for reducing the deficit and bringing in new revenue were a little radical, they seemed to strike a chord with people. That’s because I’m at least trying to fix the economy. I’m coming up with new ideas, and new solutions to our economic problems. Because if people don’t have a job, and don’t have food to put on their table, then none of the other issues matter. By the way, that’s another lesson the Bush administration should take away from my candidacy: stop worrying about porn stars like me, and start worrying about the American economy!
I would like to close by wishing Arnold Schwarzenegger good luck. Arnold, if you ever need any advice in running the state of California, or you ever want to grope someone, you can reach me at the offices of Kick Ass Pictures!
Tomorrow I’m going to return to my day job, making the best porn movies in the world. Like Mary Carey Rules, which you should all go out and buy! But I’m going to stay politically active, especially with regard to issues that affect the adult industry. And who knows? Thirteen years from now, when I’m old enough to be eligible, you may see my name on a presidential ballot!
Thank you, and goodnight.
Just Damn.
AVN and XRCO:
There’s a tempest brewing in the teapot of porn over Jared Rutter, AVN and XRCO. With Jared Rutters move to AVN it seems some people think that he is now unfit to run XRCO as he has for years. They see this as some sort of power grab by AVN. Most notable are Bill Margold and Jim Holiday, who have had a lot of less than nice things to say about Jared. Oddly enough they claim that AVN has no soul, and who do they use to send out their message? Gene Ross, no less. Talk about a man with no soul.
I have known Jared Rutter for many years, he is one of very few people in porn that I completely trust, to cast doubt on this man’s motives or integrity speaks volumes about the people casting the dispersions.
For those of you who are wondering, XRCO stands for X Rated Critics Organization and every year they have an awards show. The show is much less formal than the AVN Awards. Some people seem to think that AVN wishes to “take over” the XRCOs and that Jared’s position at AVN compromises the integrity of these awards. Anyone who reviews adult movies can be a member of XRCO and the XRCO awards are voted on by all the members. I don’t see how Jared’s position at AVN compromises this process, and more importantly I don’t think Jared would allow this process to be compromised on his watch.
XRCO is to the AVN Awards what the Golden Globes are to the Oscars. The Academy soesn’t want to end the Golden Globes and I don’t think AVN has any agenda to end or own the XRCOs. It doesn’t make sense. When you look at the bottom line and “follow the money” it still makes no sense. AVN has nothing to gain by absorbing XRCO, indeed they probably would lose money by doing so.
I think what we have here is a couple of guys who like to hear themselves making noise.
Bi Sexual Britni Smart? Well Maybe Not:
She sent the following out to all the adult sites today:
Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread. (cotton/polyester blend) He also tends to curse and blaspheme alot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,
Britni
That’s a Funny and well researched bit but it’s been on the net for years. Originally written by J. Kent Ashcraft in May or 2000. When I emailed Britni back and simply said you did not write that, she admitted that she didn’t So why send it out as though she did?
Hispanic Vote Swings the Election:
In a surprise to the pollers in California the one group expected to be solidly behimd Bustamante, the Hispanics, were almost split down the middle, giving Arnold a decided victory in the Governors race. Because of this I owe Adella dinner next time I am in L.A. Im saving my money PFFFFT! Maybe I will take her for Turkey, course it will be me eating the Crow.
Ya Read it here first:
The AP and CNN have both named Arnold as the New Governor of California.
