I got a call from a chick Saturday morning

one I haven’t heard from in quite some time. She says she has been thinking about me. Naturally I perk up, she says she would LOVE to see me. I’m thinkin HELL YA! This chick was way fucking hot last time I saw her but she had some issues with my porn career, I’m hoping she outgrew them. I casually mention that my porn career is moving along well, she replies that’s great. Then she drops the question I was anticipating.

“You busy today?”

I am thinking ya, I’m gonna be busy tearing up your fucking panties. Course I didn’t say that. I was casual. I responded, nothing I can’t rearrange for you.

“That’s awesome, I can’t wait! By the way you still have your truck?”

Uh oh, I just got trapped, fell for the oldest trick in the book and now I know there’s no way out. I think of telling her no I traded it for a MOPED but I know that ain’t gonna work, I am still going to have to spend a day at hard labor. So I say ya I still got it.

” That’s GREAT, I’m moving into my new fiftieth floor downtown high rise apartment today, I will buy the beer and you and Trent and Garret can help me move! They drive two seaters so we can use your truck and I won’t even have to rent a U-Haul. This will be SO much fun!”

Ya, I am thinking, almost as much fun as watching a 24 hour Rosie O’Donnell marathon….I’d sooner have my teeth drilled without Novocain. Besides Trent and Garret both abhor me because they are the yuppie scum type that everyone hates, I don’t even think their mommas OR their dogs like them. Add to that they are insanely jealous that I essentially earn money selling something half the population owns .. and I don’t even own one. Then it hits me.

Sure I can help but no heavy lifting for me, I cracked a rib in an Ice Hockey Game last week, but I will be happy to drive my truck and tell Trent and Garret how to load it. It will be good to see ya!

She expresses concern about rib, but we both know its the truck she really wants so she is content with my offer.

I make a quick trip to the drug store, where I buy a couple of big ass ace bandages, wrap em tightly, put on my hockey jersey and viola, I’m ready for a fun day telling Trent and Garret things like these:

“Careful with that grand piano, don’t scrape the walls of this beautiful, new apartment or anything”

“You need to turn that on it’s side to get it through the door guys”

“You guys want me to have Shari bring ya a beer? don’t drink too much though on account of we can’t have ya getting sloppy and ruining all this nice hardwood furniture her sugar daddy’s have purchased for her over the three years she has been a dancer.”

Well it all ended up perfectly, on the last load I got Garret and Trent pissed at each other. I told Garret, I said hey man you know she told me she woke up the other morning and Trent suggested that she call you to help with the move, so he thought of you AFTER they had wild monkey sex all night.

Then I told Trent the same thing but shifted by a couple of days, They were steaming and got into a fight, breaking an antique rocking chair.

Shari told them both to “just get the fuck out” calling them “Too drunk to do it right anymore” Stating “Mike is the only one of you three with any sense, he has spent all day making sure you don’t scratch my new walls or damage my furniture, all while he is hurt. Then she kisses me and says “Thanks”

I smiled and locked the door behind Trent and Garret.

1310cookie-checkI got a call from a chick Saturday morning

I got a call from a chick Saturday morning

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