My buddy, who has made a career out of trying to turn me into a real man, was giving me more guidance via IM last night while I was lying on the living room floor with my laptop watching “High Plains Drifter”. I try, Mike — really I do. When your examples of real men include Charles Bronson, Hunter S. Thompson, Clint Eastwood, and Charles Bukowski…well, I can understand why he claims I still have a long way to go. Still, I thought I’d share with you some of the thoughts we were tossing around. Feel free to add your own.
Mike South’s Top Ten Real Man Rules
10. Real Men don’t Twitter.
9. Real Men don’t listen to Joe Jackson.
8. Real Men don’t mind when their wives shoot bukkakes.
7. Real Men don’t change poopy diapers.
6. Real Men, as a matter of fact, don’t even use the word “poopy”.
5. Real Men appreciate the finer things in life, like trucks, automatic weapons, and sushi.
4. Yes, real men eat raw fish. They especially enjoy catching it, killing it, and eating it on the boat with soy sauce and lots of wasabi. They also like prime rib, very rare.
3. Real Men prefer the original films to the modern remakes. The new “Walking Tall” and the new “The Longest Yard” are wastes of celluloid.
2. Real Men don’t bother with spelling, syntax, or proper grammar when updating their porn gossip blogs.
1. Real Men are a dying breed.