The chairman of Hooters of America Inc. is expected to make a bid for bankrupt Vanguard Airlines Inc. early next week, the airline’s lawyer said Wednesday in a court hearing.
A couple of months back (its in the archives) I did an editorial on just such a scenario.
Its reprinted here for your convenience.
OK I have been reading where the airlines are hurting for passengers, they are saying that even the business travellers who are responsible for most of the revenue, simply aren’t flying as much. The hassles at the airport aren’t worth it in the day and age of electronic media and the internet.
This got me to thinking about my own experiences with the airlines. Here in Atlanta we only have one major carrier, I believe it is called Fuck You Airlines, see they are hubbed here and they have kept airlines like Southwest out, this allows Fuck You Airlines to gouge Atlantans on ticket prices.
Then I started thinking about all the security hassles we have nowadays, not to mention that once ya do get on the plane it is a miserable ordeal, the flight attendants are surly with big feet and mustaches, and these are the female ones. Hell you can’t even have a cigarette to calm down anymore.
Then I started thinking that what we need here is a good, smart enterpreneur to step in and set things right. A dose of good old American capitalism! It started with the smoking thing, I thought lets start an ALL smoking airline, I mean even people who don’t smoke could use a smoke on an airplane, specially these days. We could call it Black Lung Airlines!
Then I thought some more…hmmm why not throw in free beer into the ticket price, no gimmicky pricing, no 100 day advance purchase BS just straight up fair prices.
So now Im thinking hell all smoking means we gotta exclude the kids anyhow so lets just make it topless! HELL ya! Strippers for flight attendants… then I think whoa…this is federal jusrisdiction and there are no federal laws against prostitution, so the flight attendants that want to can take “tips”. Whoa! now there’s an idea! We actually run it like a strip club, we don’t pay the flight attendants THEY PAY US! and just think when a female DOES choose to fly Black Lung Airlines, she is gonna be a fun one, kinda like the chicks that go to titty bars! Now this would get them businessmen travelling again! I can see it now:
Ticket Agent: So Mister Bob, or do you prefer Dirty?
Dirty Bob: Dirty Bob is fine
TA: OK then Mister Dirty Bob that will be one ticket from Dayton to Tampa, will this be a one way or round trip ticket.
DB: Amber…I mean round trip
TA: Excellent Mister Dirty Bob I have you booked for a round trip ticket in our lapdancing section.
DB: how much is an upgrade to the Hand Job section?
TA: That would be up to the individual flight attendant we only book the seats.
DB: I understand, is there a movie on this flight?
TA: Oh Yes sir Mister Dirty Bob you have your choice of an unedited action movie starring Arnold Schwartzenegger or “Sluts Who Suck Cock and Eat Cum #64”
DB: Put me down for the sluts flick I have already seen all the arnold flicks.
TA: Fine then, Can we here at Black Lung Airlines do anything else for you today?
DB: Ya show me your tits!
TA: Certainly Mister Dirty Bob but if touch them there will be a small “handling charge”
TA: Thank You Mister Dirty Bob and have a nice flight!