Hard Time In Oklahoma

Don’t dance all night with me
’til the stars fade from above
They’ll see it’s alright with me
People will say we’re in love!  — Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Oklahoma

“If boners last more than four hours, call more ladies.” — Sam in Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

What we have here is a fella (in an Oklahoma jail, no less) who managed to get himself a boner that lasted not four hours, but just shy of four days (91 hours)!

According to the Tulsa World, a civil rights lawsuit seeking $5 million in damages alleges that a 32-year-old former inmate developed a painful erection (a priapism), did not receive timely medical care despite pleading with the prison staff, and as a result has permanent injury to his member (it is not clear what permanent injury Lance claims he suffered). At least we can be comforted that no injury was done to his least vital organ: his brain.

According to reports, this bizarre scenario began for Dustin Lance on December 15, 2016, when, while interned the Pittsburg County jail in McAlester, Oklahoma, luckless Lance hd the bright idea to ingest an unidentified pill that he had procured from a fellow inmate. The complaint alleges that, the following day, that aptly-named Lance informed the prison staff that he was suffering “unbearable pain” because of a resulting continuous erection but, as Forbes magazine puts it, “received mockery rather than any medical treatment until December 19, when he was finally transported to McAlester Regional Hospital.”