The Economic Stimulus Plan

Sometime  this year, we taxpayers will again receive an Economic Stimulus payment. This is a very exciting program. I’ll explain it using the Q and A format:

Q.  What is an  Economic Stimulus payment?

A. It is money that the  federal  government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the  government  get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q.. So  the  government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a   smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A.   The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV   set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that   stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut   up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best  help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely
If  you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the  money will go to  China .

If you spend  it on gasoline, your  money will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase  a computer, it will  go to India .

If you  purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to  Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .

If you buy  a car, it will go to  Japan or Korea  .

If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to   Taiwan .

If you pay  your credit cards off, or buy stock, it  will go to management bonuses  and they will hide it  offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by

1.  spending it at yard sales,  or

2. going to ball games,  or

3. spending it on  prostitutes, or

4. domestic beer  or

5. tattoos.

(These  are the only American businesses still  operating in the US  ..)

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.

31460cookie-checkThe Economic Stimulus Plan

The Economic Stimulus Plan

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6 Responses

  1. I used my last stimulus check to buy an air conditioner from an American company (Sears) selling air conditioners from a German company (Lucky Goldstar — LG) that manufactures said air conditioners in South Korea. I wonder where my next one will go — more porn, maybe?

  2. speaking of prostitutes…I was livid when i saw a video (no audio) of busted strippers in New York. Apparently a porn star got arrested when she wanted to have a threesome…seeing all those girls literally held hostage with their heads trying to face away from the camera really really pissed me off! This simply does not need to be happening in this country.

  3. You forgot to mention the thriving U.S. marijuana industry, especially thriving in California!

  4. Great post, by the way i live in guatemala, so its ok if you spend some on fruits or vegetables.

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