Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive an Economic Stimulus payment. This is a very exciting program. I’ll explain it using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q.. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely
If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .
If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by
1. spending it at yard sales, or
2. going to ball games, or
3. spending it on prostitutes, or
4. domestic beer or
5. tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US ..)
Recommendation:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.
6 Responses
I used my last stimulus check to buy an air conditioner from an American company (Sears) selling air conditioners from a German company (Lucky Goldstar — LG) that manufactures said air conditioners in South Korea. I wonder where my next one will go — more porn, maybe?
speaking of prostitutes…I was livid when i saw a video (no audio) of busted strippers in New York. Apparently a porn star got arrested when she wanted to have a threesome…seeing all those girls literally held hostage with their heads trying to face away from the camera really really pissed me off! This simply does not need to be happening in this country.
Support your local usa adult porn site 🙂
That was awesome!
You forgot to mention the thriving U.S. marijuana industry, especially thriving in California!
Great post, by the way i live in guatemala, so its ok if you spend some on fruits or vegetables.