Amongst The Well Wishes I Got This…Which Cracks Me Up (From JGB):
Mike
Wow, that sucks. (hows that for stating the obvious)
Because I know that you appreciate a good laugh, and because *you* know that a sense of humor will get you through the most stressful times of your life, please accept the following as a token of the sincere respect I have for you as a friend.
TOP TEN THOUGHTS ON MIKE AND HIS TOOMAH
10. Can I buy that new GPS thingie from you? I’ll give you $350 for the truck and the GPS….. or $400 for just the GPS (what the hell am I going to do with a truck that reeks of lube, Steak n Shake takeout and fish guts?)
9. If you want to raise money for your chemo, consider giving tours of your trailer. The Velvet Elvis collection alone is worth the price of admission, although a close second would be the collection of abandoned panties and stripper heels.
8. The sympathy vote might finally get you that long overdue Hall of Fame induction. If you want to really seal it, bribe the surgeon to sever the wrong nerve.
7. Just think, if you’re confined to a wheelchair you can star in the porn version of the Christopher Reeves story. Might just give Pirates 2 a run for Best Picture….
6. Goddess would get to write your updates, which would double your fan base and probably pay for a really nice nursing home.
5. Or maybe you could move in with Tim and Fifi…. she’s going to have that whole maternal instinct thing in overdrive anyway, whats one more person to feed, diaper, burp and bath?
4. Wankpunter, after learning of this terrible tragedy, immediate pens its new tribute song “The Wankus Polka”.
3. When asked for a comment, Paul Fishbein’s response was, “Who?”
2. Ben Affleck will be cast as the lead in “The Mike South Story”… I mean really, after Gigli, its not like he’s getting alot of offers.
1. Even when you’re wearing your “Bukkake for Cancer” beenie, drooling on yourself and peeing into a bag, you’ll STILL get more pussy than I get in a year. Oh, and if Jesse comes to visit you, hook her up to your IV… she looks like she needs it more than you.
I love ya man… pretend that tumor is Rob Black and kick the shit out of it.
