Tiger Woods ©2009 vs. Michael Vick ©2009

First I just want to say “THANK YOU” to Mike, Hunter and Lady H, Julie Meadows (for sending me the “guilt message” on my Youtube channel about WHEN I was going to write another article…lol…thanks Julie for “ringing my bell”) and all the other really sweet and caring people who have written me such thoughtful emails during the crazy time of moving and FINALLY getting settled.  I am officially a Floridian who lives in Florida now, I have a house in downtown St. Pete and it is AWESOME…I am really looking forward to living here.

I felt compelled to compose this after being subjected to a media-inflicted “Tiger Woods over-dose” in the last two or three weeks.  I am sure you too have been equally forced to endure the intimate details, the seemy text messages, the provocative voice mails, the wrecked Cadillac SUV, and of course, lest we not forget, the bent (around Tiger’s head) Ping driver.  This media-driven inquisition into the private life of America’s, no, in fact, the WORLD’S, most beloved athlete is getting a little long-in-the-tooth as far as I am concerned.  I really do not care if he had one or thirty mistresses, if he had salacious rendezvous’ with women who are NOT his wife, at the world’s top resorts, nor, as a non-golfer, do I really place much import on whether or not said affairs affected his golf game.  But as I listened to the latest dose of drivel to “leak” out of the impeccable journalistic machines of TMZ, Entertainment Tonight and the like, I realized that this was a screwed-up situation all around.  While it is true, it must suck to be Mrs. Tiger Woods right about now, what with Nike, Gatorade, GM, and about a million other sponsors jumping like lemmings off the Tiger bandwagon, I am sure she can figure out how to console her broken ego and crushed feelings with some, or all, of that $500 million Tiger is worth.  No, as I pondered this “tragic” event I came to realize that there were, there HAD to be, more sinister forces at play here.

While I do not know either Tiger or his wife, as a woman I feel uniquely qualified to weigh in on this topic.  I want to make this perfectly clear from the outset:  as a rule-of-thumb I DO NOT condone a man OR a woman cheating on their spouse.  But I have been around long enough to realize that as the bumper-sticker so eloquently put it: “shit happens”.  That is a neutral take on this issue, again I don’t know either of the Woods, nor do I know any of the women he supposedly banged.  But as I was sitting in the checkout of Publix the other day and was “forced” to read the tabloid headlines exposing the supposed relationship between Tiger and Jessica Simpson I realized that this was a snow-ball to end all snow-balls.  Let’s take a step back shall we, to about three years ago when another famous athlete from the Atlanta Falcons (my FORMER home town) Michael Vick was discovered to have been running an illegal dog-fighting ring that was operating throughout the country, and was being directly financed by Vick and his ridiculously over-paid NFL contract.  When that went down, and the details of how Vick, his brother, and other associates were abusing those poor animals, no one besides the lunatic fringe at PETA really had much to say on the issue.  Sure there was the odd celebrity here and there, a few other NFL players, but in the grand scheme of things not many people said “boo” about it.  Contrast that with the Tiger Woods story.  Again, while it is true that if he has been a serial philanderer on his wife that is a clear-cut violation of his marital vows, not to mention a definate foundation for a very-public dismanteling of his marital assets (Florida is a community-property state I believe) which will undoubtedly take place before our very eyes.  I can see it now: “TMZ and Court TV, in conjunction with Gatorade present the Wood’s Divorce trial…brought to you in part by Zycam…doctors who know trust Zycam”.  The funny thing about all this is that none of us REALLY know what went on in that house a few weeks ago, nor do we know what type of life they had behind their guilded walls.  All we see is the wealth and possessions, the commercials and tabloid pics, but there are two sides to every story, especially when it comes to divorce and infidelity.  As far as I can tell however, there is absolutely NOTHING that any of the defenseless animals that Michael Vick owned, and subsequently abused and killed, could have EVER done to him that could possibly justify his behavior.  And yet as soon as the Vick story leaked there were already people saying “well….he’s sorry and he is going to pay a fine and do jail time, I think he should be allowed to play again and make a living…”…blah, blah,  blah ad nauseum. 

Yet I feel a very different wind blowing in this Woods story.  It is almost as if there are people somewhere, maybe in the PGA, maybe an executive at Nike whose wife Tiger solicited at a sponsor party, maybe some other jilted lover somewhere, who has “spilled the beans” on Tiger and is relishing in his undoing and commercial demise.  I have to believe that if this cheating has been going on as long as some claim, with as prolific a number of women that are now crawling out of the woodwork, that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE has been keeping this under their hat for a very long time.  My question now is:  why divulge this now?  What precipitated this chain of events?  I say, as is usually the case in life, follow the money.  I mean, hell, Tiger’s wife is a Scandanavian piece of lusciousness, a blond HOTTIE bombshell that I would most-certainly do, many times over I might add, (God I miss Karina Sinclair) but what do we really know about HER?  I mean, we all know Tiger’s sexual proclivities now in intimate detail, but how do we know what kind of wife she was?  Just because they had two kids doesn’t mean she gave Tiger enough poonani, I mean he is a young and virile man, at the top of his profession, making kingly sums to play a game.  Maybe the wifey needed to do a better job of keeping his eye on the ball, as it where.  Regardless, again, those Vick dogs did nothing to him, and yet he slaughtered them, often times I am sure, with his own hand, or at his direct behest.  That is inexcusable in my book.  But now Nike is back on Vick’s side, as are other sponsors, and he is again a starting QB in the NFL.  And I thought the NFL marketing machine was riding the wave to becoming America’s “family game” on the backs of the “squeaky-clean” Manning brothers (whose degenerate-gambler father is another story for another day) and yet they allowed Vick back…but what about Tiger?  Is his never-ending quest for sexual satisfaction going to prove to be his undoing?  Is this very public, very unexpected expose’ into his private life going to decimate his game….and consequently his commercial viability?  Will the plethora of mistresses prove to be his “Tatum O’Neal – John McEnroe moment?”  After Big Mac married that drug-addicted Hollywood miscreant his tennis game was never-again the same, and he subsequently forfeited his #1 in the world ranking.  I saw polls the other day claiming that as compared to a year ago, Tiger’s public approval rating (whatever that is supposed to mean) plummeted from a high of 80% to somewhere in the neighborhood of 30%.  Is that fair? 

I agree, everyone, with rare exceptions, deserves a second chance.  But is America so Puritanical, so sex-obssessed, that we would rather see someone slaughter an innocent lesser species, come back to regain their crown, while at the same time acting like a much more understandable “slip-up”, as is the case with Tiger, is tantamount to murder?  I mean, if Tiger is in fact regularly banging that blond-haired, blue-eyed tasty treat, and he still needs MORE…I say..come over to my house.  We don’t live that far apart actually.  Maybe we could swing a Viagra sponsorship deal too.  Tiger, if you are reading this my address is 537 ….