Left handed blow jobs

But let me explain. I only went to the horse today because my friend needed to buy a barbeque. See, the ranch is a block away and we didn’t have any rope to tie the thing down in the truck once he bought it and rather than taking time to buy that too I got the genius idea that they could just take my lounge line. So we walked down to the ranch to get it.

But to get to my horse trailer you have to pass my horse’s stall. And if you don’t stop and say hi he’ll make incredible noises until you do. So I do. But I can’t come empty handed because then he’ll make incredible noises when I leave too. He has me trained.

And that’s the story of how I ended up feeding my horse apple wafers. When he was all done with those I stood in the stall staring lovingly at him and playing with his muzzle and letting him lick my hand, not realizing that my hand tasted like apple wafers. So he ate my ring finger. I’ve been bit before, numerous times actually, but never quite like this. The regular nips suck but they’re over quickly because he knows he’s done something bad and he runs away the second he does it. This was an honest mistake and he thought I was trying to take his treat away when I pulled back so he clamped down harder and backed up with my hand. I don’t think he realized the egregious mistake until he tasted blood. Then he spit out the bad treat.

I didn’t scream outwardly but fire alarms were going off in my head. The pain was shocking. I went white and felt like a linebacker had just body slammed my chest. I shoved my hand into his water trough and did a weird little dance between pulling it back out to try to shake the pain away. We all decided it was probably best to walk back to my house at that point. I had to put a surprising amount of effort into not swaying, puking, or fainting. Then my entire hand went numb below the wrist and I used that break time to clean up the blood. It was sliced on both sides and crushed in between. Hydrogen peroxide. I use it for minor things all the time and I’ve never felt it. I dunked my hand in and shrieked. Deep breaths. More concentration on not puking or passing out. Another hydrogen peroxide dunk. More deep breaths.

I smothered the thing in Neosporin and wrapped it in gauze but had to remove it five minutes later because the throbbing and swelling made the tip turn purple. My finger had a life of it’s own. I thought it was going to rip through the bandage and beat it’s chest and stare at me in defiance.

Fuck I can never do just one paragraph. I’ll sum it up. My entire finger is still numb and swollen to twice the size of it’s counterpart twelve hours later. My call time is 8am and I don’t know how to give a left handed blow job.