Hunter Writes…

Real Men … RESPECT 

I’d like to thank Mike for the opportunity to share a few thoughts, while at the same time apologize because I already know that my writing (as I told Julie a few weeks ago) tends to go from one extreme to the other. Either detailed and tedious “technical manual style”, or random, barely coherent ramblings. I’m guessing, and hoping this will fall into the latter category, since I feel that would be slightly more entertaining than the former.

So now that I have this chance, what the hell do I write about??? So many times, I’ve read an article here and thought, “damn, I should have written about that”. The problem is, we’ve already got great writers covering some very serious topics far better than I could. So I think about one of the things that’s gotten me riled up even more than politics or religion in the past few months. I also realize it’s basically an extension of the “Real Man series” that Mike started a while back. My first title was going to be “How Real Men Treat Women”. I scrapped that title because I realize that it applies not only to women, but to everyone. Plus the fact that I didn’t want to come across as a chauvinistic Neanderthal.

I watched the Tanner Mays interview, and found the “meltdown” video. I read Julie’s bio that includes her experience (for lack of a better word) with Bobby Vitale. I’ve seen situations, not only in the adult industry, but in so-called normal life where guys treat women as if they’re objects to be humiliated or used for nothing more than entertainment or profit. These guys seem to have no concern what the cost is to their victims. Their true intent has escaped me my entire adult life. I see examples of this type of treatment and I go through a range of emotions.

For instance, watching the Tanner Mays “melt-down video”. I start off in a state of utter shock. I mean, I’m even skeptical at first. I think, “Is this shit really happening? Surely it’s staged!” From there I slip into a deep sympathy when I realize it really IS happening. And yeah, that’s where the second wave of shock sets in. I’m thinking “Why are these assholes still filming this?” Then I guess I alternate equally between absolute disgust, mild anger, and that phase that psychologists refer to as “I’d like to snatch that fucker’s head off” syndrome (ya didn’t know I was gonna get all clinical, did ya?) Actually, I don’t condone physical violence except in response to immediate danger (had to add that part since my attorney may read this). But seriously, this is one time among many that I wish I didn’t live by that policy.

Now comes the big question. What real man can derive pleasure at someone else’s expense. Especially by humiliating or hurting someone who’s in a weaker position. The answer, of course, is obvious. Real men don’t need to hurt, humiliate or belittle anyone. It’s as simple as that. I’ve always heard that playground bullies are just trying to compensate for feelings of insecurity. Maybe the same holds true for adult bullies. My theory is that a real man is secure enough with himself that he doesn’t need to prove how manly he is by pushing people around. In fact, it really proves the opposite. If you notice, it seems like the person getting abused is always in a weaker position either physically, financially, or whatever. You don’t see guys like that picking on people who can fight back. I mean, DAMN, ya wanna prove to me how tough you are? Go find a couple of Marines or Navy SEALS and slap ‘em around a bit. You can throw in a few crude comments about their moms just for good measure. I think it’s noteworthy here that the reverse would most likely never happen. Those Marines and SEALS (real men) aren’t going to show up at your house or your porn set and start slapping people around. They don’t feel the need to.

Several years ago, I was sort of reunited with an older sister I had had very little contact with for about 20 years. The reason for no contact was her physically abusive husband. She was basically forced to sever all ties with her family. The time came that she was finally ready to leave him for good. For her safety, I accompanied her anytime she had to go to court or be around him in any way. It was a terrible mess. The one thing I noticed above anything else is the fact that he never once, EVER even hinted a threat in my direction, even though he’s about twice my size. When we came face to face for the first time, he first tried intimidation, then he tried to be buddies. Neither tactic worked out that well for him. I told him exactly how I felt about him, and let him know, in no uncertain terms, what would happen if he ever laid a hand on her again. Now, I’m not big, I’m not tough, and I’m not scary. It wasn’t that he was afraid I could beat him. It’s simply the fact that he knew he couldn‘t intimidate me.

Now, before anyone gets the wrong idea, I’m NOT saying that being tough makes you a real man. In fact, I firmly believe the opposite is true. Being a real man makes you tough. It has nothing to do with fighting, shooting, fishing (I know that’s sacrilegious, Mike), or anything else real men may do. I know some real men that would have trouble punching their way through a wall of soggy paper towels. It has more to do with choices you make, taking responsibility for your actions, and RESPECT.

I think the key is RESPECT. A real man has respect for himself, and therefore has the ability and desire to respect others (male and female). This, in turn, leads to real men earning the respect of others they encounter. Mike hit on a lot of good real man issues a while back. Most were meant to be humorous with a degree of truth built in. Almost all the “rules” had exceptions. For instance, who knew real men could drive Volvo station wagons? The first time I told Mike I was going to buy one, his immediate response was “Dude, that is so gay!” My response was similar the first time I saw him order lettuce wraps at P.F. Changs (although I have to admit I loved them). Hell, until a few years ago, I’d never met a real man that traveled around with a duffle bag full of stripper heels and fishnet stockings.

Bottom line… If a man has respect for himself and shows respect to others, he can get away with driving his Volvo, with the stripper heels and stockings in the back, while eating his lettuce wraps. But he never feels the need to step all over someone else just because he can… That’s a REAL MAN!