Employee Manual

I ripped it open. I still feel that way more tape than was necessary was used to seal this thing. It was childproof. Maybe it’s a rider on 2257 that I’m unaware of. When mailing porn make sure it can’t be opened by those with the strength of an average minor. Whatever. It’s probably as effective as swearing you’re 18 on porn sites.                           

Penthouse sent me an entire goodie basket. The most important thing would definitely have to be the key. All penthouse pets of the month get a key necklace to commemorate their status. I tried to take pictures but I’m no lighting genius so the white gold got blown out by the flash. I also got two penthouse pet shirts that apparently only can be worn by penthouse pets. They didn’t fit but I don’t care. It’s the title that counts. At the bottom of the box was a stack of the September issue with a chick in a red dress staring back at me. It looks nothing like me but that’s OK too. Emma Nixon is an artist.

While all of these things were and are wonderful, I think the item I would like to focus on is the Penthouse Pet Handbook. That’s right. There is a handbook. When I had first signed with Vivid I remember buying Jenna Jameson’s book because I thought it would tell me everything I would need to know. I learned nothing and went into my first scene oblivious. It seems like an aspiring porn star would need a manual. Or maybe the production companies who put girls under contract should print up employee handbooks. That’s essentially what my Penthouse Pet booklet is: an employee handbook. To be honest, I’m thrilled with this new development. There is a dress code. There is a code of conduct. There is a payment schedule and a contact sheet for all of the penthouse people one might need to get a hold of. It even tells you when you can drink and when you can eat. It tells you when you need to have a pedicure. There is a page-long list of suggested ways to sign autographs. This book is gold.

Now rather than blogging about it I should probably sit down and read it. I’m sure what applies to Penthouse generally applies to almost any company that allows me to represent them in the future. For example, I’m sure they would all agree that I should show up with clean hair. They would probably all agree that I should not do drugs while on a paid promotion. They are probably all against suitcase pimps. Not that I’ve had problems with any one of these things, but seeing it in black and white just takes the guesswork out of it.