If I can’t have you

Yes, South is still canoodling chicks in Florida while I update his site.

Dr. Phil (on explaining oral sex to teens on a recent Oprah): “Remember, a friend is not someone who asks you to put his penis in your mouth.” I have been so mislead….

Yesterday I received this email from Brad: “Goddess, Mike South is certainly no Brad Pitt. Yet you stalk him. What gives?” Well, Brad, after extensive, expensive, expansive psycho-therapy, my therapist, myself and my many personalities have decided that I stalk Mike for one of two reasons. It is either: a. I am attracted to big, dark haired men cuz that’s what my daddy looked like or b. I am attracted to Mike due to being dropped on my head repeatedly as a baby. Since my daddy was blonde, I can only guess brain damage is the reason.

The drug charges against Dionne Warwick were dropped in exchange for a $250 donation to a program that benefits children born with HIV, a drug education program {hopefully this is where they’ll teach Dionne how to better conceal her drugs when going through airport security}, and she’s making anti-drug statements. Hey, maybe her and her niece Whitless Houston can team up and make anti drug ads together. I know I’d “just say no” if they told me to. No word on whether or not the judge made Dionne promise to never sing in public again. My favorite quote from Dionne concerning this incident is this: “To this day, I am puzzled about exactly what happened at the Miami International Airport,” {“puzzled about exactly what happened”? You got caught, ya twit! And they say marijuana doesn’t affect the brain...} Warwick said in a statement. “But through the grace of God, I can now put this unpleasant chapter behind me.” With what little short term memory she seems to have left, she’s probably forgotten all about it by now.

I saw a teddy bear today that spouts Bible phrases when you press it’s paws, ears, belly, etc. I’m thinking the clergy of America is missing a golden opportunity here. This is a chance for them to bring men back to the fold, men who have been led astray by the evils of porn. They could sell blow up “love dolls” that repeatedly scream “repent sinners!” when guys try to fuck’em. Speaking of “love dolls“….