I’ve been very busy this morning, making a list of all the places where I want to jill off in South’s condo before I have to leave on Wednesday. Yesterday I did it on his bathroom counter top, all over his cowboy boots and on his computer keyboard. Don’t tell him, but now I’m having a bit of a problem with some of the keys sticking. Apparently pussy goo is a powerful thang. Next up I’m going to jill off all over his Cori Love pictures. SHE’S MY ARCH ENEMY!!
Before he left, I told Mike that I was worried I might not have enough to talk about in my updates. (Fat chance.) Anywho, he said, “Wing it, <insert the insulting nickname he uses to address me here>. Fly by the seat of your extra wide jeans!” Extra wide…why that little…just for that I’m giving out free passwords to his site to all my friends.
Since AVN treated us to one of those “what we want to see more of” lists, I’ve decided to pen my own. These area few things I’d like to see more of in adult vids… from a woman’s perspective:
1. More unattractive hetero guys who look like they haven’t exercised since Christ was a cowboy. And what’s not to love about that bald on top/ponytail in the back look? More of those guys, too.
2. More hairless wonders. But let’s not stop at hairless chests, legs and arms. I want to see hairless assholes, balls and cocks as well. Hell, let’s just go the whole nine yards. Shave off their eyebrows and tweeze their nose hairs, too.
3. Here’s two for the Elegant Angel people: Please, please pick guys who are even more feminine looking for your gangbangs and
4. Give us more “moaning in unison” from guys during those gangbangs.
5. More of those “point of view” videos where we never get to see the guy’s face. Yeah, yeah I know you guys don’t want to see another guy’s face, but guess what? We feel the same way about having to look at another woman’s face.
6. Lavish costumes that TRY to disguise the fact that the video blows. And more
thick black eyeliner!! You can NEVER have too much thick black eyeliner!!
7. More old guys who should have retired long ago, but think that just because
they can fuck on camera they should fuck on camera. And how ’bout more of those guys who can only get it up and off with Viagra? More, more, more.
8. Women in pigtails and cheerleader outfits! Sis boom bah.
Okay, okay, this is what I really want to see: musical porn! If Broadway can do “Cats,” just think what the adult industry could with with “Cunts”!
I just glanced up over the top of Mike’s computer and there’s a big sign there that reads, “BRB…phone.” Anybody who’s ever had an IM conversation with Mike knows what that’s all about. Oy. The boy needs cue cards.
Okay, that’s it for now, kids. I need to get started on my Monday jilling off. By the time South gets home, there won’t be a square inch of this place that hasn’t been soaked in my cooter juice.
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April 14, 2024
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