“It seems everyone’s favorite groundhog, Punxatawnee Phil has gone missing. A nationwide manhunt is now in place to find the furry rodent. The prime suspect was seen around the San Fernando Valley area. Click here for his photo.
If you see THIS MAN please do not try and apprehend him yourself, even though he isn’t considered particularly dangerous this is a job better left to the authorities. Call Girls and Escorts are particularly advised to be on the lookout as are gym rats.
He may also be wearing any of THESE disguises.
If you see this man, immediately call toll free 1-888-GET PHIL. This is a public service announcement from your friends at PETA.”
