Now that Tim’s officially on the roster, I suggested that he hold out for the following perks:
1. Remove all brown M&M’s from candy bowl (VAN HALEN)
2. Ear, nose and throat doctor available 24/7 (Ozzy)
3. Donuts, danishes and low-fat margarine within reach at all times (MARIAH)
4. 100% white dressing room to promote relaxation (JENNIFER LOPEZ)
5. Personal food inspector to check all food for hair before it is served (P. Diddy)
6. Ample supply of Cool Ranch Doritos, Cap’n Crunch and flavored instant coffee (BRITNEY SPEARS)
7. Plenty of generic brand white bread, peanut butter and jelly (BACKSTREET BOYS)
8. Fully stocked bar, a shrimp platter and cherry life savers (FRANK SINATRA)
9. Ban fluorescent light sticks (KID ROCK)
10. Porta-potty nearby at all times (ROLLING STONES)
11. Health food and Flintstones chewable vitamins (CHRISTINA AGUILERA)
Tim’s only demand is a chair so that the love of his life, the lovely and talented Felicia Fox, can sit and watch while he defiles Debbie Leigh. Paybacks dontcha know.
