We polled a group of women about what irks them most in the bedroom. Here are their biggest sexual grievances and how you can avoid committing such mistakes:
After he climaxes, it’s over.
Just because you’re satisfied doesn’t mean she is. Keep stimulating her until she’s also satisfied.
Mike Sez: What the hell are you people talking about? Everyone knows when he cums she is fucked.
Foreplay? What foreplay?
Think of a woman as a crockpot that needs to be warmed up. You may be ready to go from the beginning, but she’s not. If she moves your hands to a specific area of her body, take that as a clue that you should concentrate on that area. Chances are that when you think she’s ready, she’s not. Keep going at it.
Mike Sez: I maybe be off base here but isn’t calling a woman a crackpot a bit politically incorrect? OK here’s how ya warm up the crackpot, tell her to go play with her vibes and call you when she is ready, meanwhile you give a listen to Mojo Nixon’s “She’s vibrator dependent”
We only kiss before sex.
Women feel like the romance is gone when you only kiss her as a prelude to sex. When she least expects it — as you watch TV or do laundry — lay a big one on her. And don’t try to get anything else.
Mike Sez: EEEEW are we talkin porn chicks here? God only knows whats been in HER mouth! I ain’t kissin nothing junior.
He seems hesitant to perform oral sex on me.
If she gets the impression that you think oral sex is gross, she won’t loosen up and enjoy herself. She might also be hesitant to return the favor. Even if performing oral sex on a woman isn’t your favorite thing to do, do it. Remember, it can be made more pleasurable by using whipped cream or chocolate syrup.
Mike Sez: Honey, go drag a rag across that thing, we only like tuna on white with a pickle.
He can’t find my G Spot.
It’s not a myth. Take some time to explore her body. Ask her over and over if you’ve found it.
Mike Sez: BULLSHIT ALERT! Explore her body my ass if she thinks she has a G spot its knuckle deep insider her vagina.
We’re in the mood for sex at different times of the day.
She may like to have sex at night. You may like it in the morning. Sometimes you have to compromise and do it when you’re not 100% in the mood. We bet you’ll get into the mood pretty quickly.
Mike Sez: That’s why Las Vegas Nocelties make dildoes.
He sticks his tongue in my ear to turn me on.
What movie made you think this was appealing? Sure, a gentle tongue lap dance on the earlobe can be nice. But don’t slosh around in the ear canal. Women have q-tips for that, thank you.
Mike Sez: I thought you were bitching you didn’t get foreplay, jeez bitch make up your mind. And if watching movies makes us think women like this kinda stuff we’d think y’all all want big sloppy loads of cum on your faces….
All dirty talk, all the time.
Sure, women know you like to talk dirty. And we know how to do the job right. But that doesn’t mean that every time we hit the sheets, we want to talk dirty. Sometimes a woman needs quiet sex. Or sex that only involves groans.
Mike Sez: OK which dialogue would YOU rather hear during sex
1. Oh baby that’s so beautiful, tell me you love me, Oh I love you with all my heart and soul.
or
2. That’s it fuck me baby, fuck me like the little whore that I am, you know what I want you to do now? Fuck my tight little ass then pull it out and shoot it all over my pretty face!
nuff said
He orgasms too quickly.
She doesn’t care about your size nearly as much as you think. What she cares about is your ability to keep going. If you feel that you may orgasm, stop what you’re doing and concentrate on her.
Mike Sez: Uhhh I think concentrating on her is what’s causing this….try concentrating on that Mojo Nixon song, or maybe Hillary or some other hideous thing.
We always do it the same old way.
Women need variety. Have sex in new places. And most importantly, learn some new positions. Check out an illustrated guide to the Kama Sutra.
Mike Sez: Rent a Max Hardcore tape and emulate what you see, she will be thrilled to go back to doing it “the same old way”
OK that oughtta fire up a few of ya!
536150cookie-checkFrom Netscapes Love and Relationships page:no
From Netscapes Love and Relationships page:
We polled a group of women about what irks them most in the bedroom. Here are their biggest sexual grievances and how you can avoid committing such mistakes:
After he climaxes, it’s over.
Just because you’re satisfied doesn’t mean she is. Keep stimulating her until she’s also satisfied.
Mike Sez: What the hell are you people talking about? Everyone knows when he cums she is fucked.
Foreplay? What foreplay?
Think of a woman as a crockpot that needs to be warmed up. You may be ready to go from the beginning, but she’s not. If she moves your hands to a specific area of her body, take that as a clue that you should concentrate on that area. Chances are that when you think she’s ready, she’s not. Keep going at it.
Mike Sez: I maybe be off base here but isn’t calling a woman a crackpot a bit politically incorrect? OK here’s how ya warm up the crackpot, tell her to go play with her vibes and call you when she is ready, meanwhile you give a listen to Mojo Nixon’s “She’s vibrator dependent”
We only kiss before sex.
Women feel like the romance is gone when you only kiss her as a prelude to sex. When she least expects it — as you watch TV or do laundry — lay a big one on her. And don’t try to get anything else.
Mike Sez: EEEEW are we talkin porn chicks here? God only knows whats been in HER mouth! I ain’t kissin nothing junior.
He seems hesitant to perform oral sex on me.
If she gets the impression that you think oral sex is gross, she won’t loosen up and enjoy herself. She might also be hesitant to return the favor. Even if performing oral sex on a woman isn’t your favorite thing to do, do it. Remember, it can be made more pleasurable by using whipped cream or chocolate syrup.
Mike Sez: Honey, go drag a rag across that thing, we only like tuna on white with a pickle.
He can’t find my G Spot.
It’s not a myth. Take some time to explore her body. Ask her over and over if you’ve found it.
Mike Sez: BULLSHIT ALERT! Explore her body my ass if she thinks she has a G spot its knuckle deep insider her vagina.
We’re in the mood for sex at different times of the day.
She may like to have sex at night. You may like it in the morning. Sometimes you have to compromise and do it when you’re not 100% in the mood. We bet you’ll get into the mood pretty quickly.
Mike Sez: That’s why Las Vegas Nocelties make dildoes.
He sticks his tongue in my ear to turn me on.
What movie made you think this was appealing? Sure, a gentle tongue lap dance on the earlobe can be nice. But don’t slosh around in the ear canal. Women have q-tips for that, thank you.
Mike Sez: I thought you were bitching you didn’t get foreplay, jeez bitch make up your mind. And if watching movies makes us think women like this kinda stuff we’d think y’all all want big sloppy loads of cum on your faces….
All dirty talk, all the time.
Sure, women know you like to talk dirty. And we know how to do the job right. But that doesn’t mean that every time we hit the sheets, we want to talk dirty. Sometimes a woman needs quiet sex. Or sex that only involves groans.
Mike Sez: OK which dialogue would YOU rather hear during sex
1. Oh baby that’s so beautiful, tell me you love me, Oh I love you with all my heart and soul.
or
2. That’s it fuck me baby, fuck me like the little whore that I am, you know what I want you to do now? Fuck my tight little ass then pull it out and shoot it all over my pretty face!
nuff said
He orgasms too quickly.
She doesn’t care about your size nearly as much as you think. What she cares about is your ability to keep going. If you feel that you may orgasm, stop what you’re doing and concentrate on her.
Mike Sez: Uhhh I think concentrating on her is what’s causing this….try concentrating on that Mojo Nixon song, or maybe Hillary or some other hideous thing.
We always do it the same old way.
Women need variety. Have sex in new places. And most importantly, learn some new positions. Check out an illustrated guide to the Kama Sutra.
Mike Sez: Rent a Max Hardcore tape and emulate what you see, she will be thrilled to go back to doing it “the same old way”
OK that oughtta fire up a few of ya!
Mike
From Netscapes Love and Relationships page:
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