More from the pornstar perspective

As of yet my wish has not been granted. About every 30 minutes or so I’m bending over in front of the mirror checking my ass crack for bruises. So far so good. I’m also rubbing baby oil into my right knee and practicing kneeling on tile to toughen it up. It sucks because this time yesterday I was ready. My skin was flawless. I had no bruises. I’m starting to get a little bit of muscle tone from all the kickboxing. I was fully prepared to do some naked gymnastics for the world to see. Today I’m geriatric.

It’s that fucking horse. I flew my friend Natalie down from Sacramento two days ago. We grew up together. We used to ride horses together. Yesterday that’s exactly what we did. The problem is that I’m lazy and I rarely put saddles on. We went out around 8 o’clock at night and decided to do a short trail ride. I put her on the mare and I jumped on Conte. They were doing great until about halfway in. Then Conte, being Conte, reached out and clamped his teeth down on the mare’s shoulder for absolutely no reason. His ears weren’t pinned, he wasn’t worked up, he had just seen the opportunity and gone for it. So the mare got pissed off and squealed and planted a nice hard kick in his side. Instead she got my knee. That sucked. The kick made me lean forward and all of the movement spooked Conte so he spun around and threw me off. I wasn’t about to lose this horse on the trail in the dark. At this point in time I didn’t hate him and I still wanted to bring him home with me. So I held on to the reins. Apparently I’m light enough that I didn’t really get in the way so he kept going. Finally he stopped. I was on my back with my arm above my head still holding onto the reins screaming at my horse “are you serious!” while Natalie laughed in the background and said “I think he is.” There was dirt collected in my teeth, my belly button, my thong and my shoes outside of the full body dusting I had received. I just kinda lied there while Natalie asked if I was OK. “I’m fine,” I said. I didn’t move. “Are you sure?” she didn’t seem convinced. I looked down and wiggled my toes. “I’m just gonna hang out here for a minute.”

So for a step by step replay that first fall consisted of a hind kick to the knee, followed by the ground kicking me in the tailbone (mostly to the right side), then my head smacking it back (lazy-no helmet). The trench I had dug with my body was about 20 feet long. Natalie called it the Kayden trail. I finally got up and shook some trail off of my clothes then pulled Conte over to an embankment to mount again. In the past I’ve always used a mounting block when I took him out bareback but obviously there was not one magically growing out of the hillside. Because he wasn’t used to me throwing my weight on him, he spooked again the second I jumped on. I didn’t have a grip on the reins and he spun around and ran off with me clinging more to his side than his back. When I didn’t immediately fall off he decided to speed up the process and body slammed me into a fence. I came off rather nicely right about then. Nothing like being smeared across chain link. Imagine an egg being thrown against a window pane and just slowly sliding down. I was that egg. This time the hit went more to the left side of my hips and my shoulder took a small beating as well. So the second time I got on I took some time to find something that would let me get back on him the right way and we finished our ride.

Now here is what I’m worried about:

The knee for obvious reasons: I need to be able to support my weight for blowjobs and doggy positions.

The bruising on my tailbone: if it comes through before I shoot my scene my butt is going to look dirty. No amount of make up will fix that. Especially there. It will get sweaty and run and then I’ll look diseased.

The bruising on my hip(s): it will just be ugly.

The pain in my entire lower body: so far spooning on my right hip is off limits. Missionary because of my tailbone is off limits. Pile driver obviously is out of the question. I can probably do regular cowgirl if I can work the knee thing out but I don’t know how I’ll be able to support myself for reverse. Any pounding that comes from behind in any position is going to suck. I’m laying in bed with the laptop writing this blog because I can’t sit properly. Spooning on the left hip is entirely feasible. It was the only position I could sleep in last night.

Long term I’m also worried about the nerve damage on my ass. There is a large spot to the right of my tailbone that has no sensation whatsoever. I’ll give it a few days before I start taking it seriously.

This shoot is an 11 day shoot. Only two of those days for me are scenes. That means nine days of action and dialogue. At the moment I’m walking with a limp. Not sexy. I know there are parts of the story that require me to crawl. I’ve already asked the director to work the giant cut on my knee into the story. Maybe he’ll be super cool and work in a part where I fall off a cliff. Then I would just look like a really good actress.