Is That a Tongue Up My Ass?

By: Lacey Blake

Catholic Schools don’t teach you about anal sex. Shit, they don’t even teach you about regular sex. This means that after 12 years of Catholic School I knew a fair amount about every STD on the planet and I was also required to watch 2 detailed videos of real-life late-term abortions in religion class. So, yeah, that works pretty well at scaring the shit out of the student population so they abstain from sex. Mission accomplished.

We were all well-versed in the concept of hell. That scary place where it’s really hot with all this fire and there’s a little red monster with horns running around with a pitch fork and poking people. I had made the decision pretty early on that I didn’t want to go to hell. I think it was somewhere around 2nd grade. Of course, this meant no sex before marriage. I also tried really hard not to not say “God damn it.” Subsequently, that also sent you straight into the depths of hell. This has always seemed rather harsh to me, but whatever.

The truth was that the abortion videos scared me way more than hell, any monster who ever lived in my closet or any demon creeping around under my bed, so the no sex before marriage decision wasn’t that difficult to obey. That is, until I turned around 15 yrs. old. They always seem to forget the fact that we’re still hormone ravaged teenagers biologically programmed to crave not only sex, but every other sexual act imaginable.

The common solution: Anal sex.
The problem: Assuming the anal canal functions exactly like a vagina.
The usual outcome: Trying to shove a hard penis into an extremely tight asshole with no preparation and no lube. Yes, no lube.

I began writing for just under a year ago. My first experience with anal sex happened many years ago while still in high school. My very first published article was recounting this initial anal experience, if you could even call it an “experience?”
The original article can be found here:
“Anal sex leads to heaven, doesn’t it?” by Lacey Blake.

It’s been well over 10 years since the first attempt at having things shoved up my butt. Between my first experience, videos of prolapsed rectums, the possibility of tearing and my cousin getting E-Coli in her vaginal canal from anal to vaginal intercourse, I’ve been in absolutely no hurry to try any sort of sexual butt play again.

This recently all changed one random night during sex. There wasn’t some kind of serious discussion or “plan” of how this was going to happen. To be honest, anal sex wasn’t even on my mind. I was perfectly ok with never having my ass played with again during sex. He seemed to have a different opinion.

It started out innocently enough when he began massaging my butt hole during sex one night. My initial reaction was to turn around and quietly ask “What in the fuck are you doing?” I couldn’t exactly grasp what my feelings were about all of this? It didn’t necessarily feel good or bad. It just felt… strange. He immediately asked if I liked it and whether or not it felt good. My initial mumbled answer sounded something like “uhhhhhh.” He quickly asked if I wanted him to stop which followed with me mumbling something along the line of “uhhh, ummm, I don’t think so?”

There really was no denying that it felt good, but my logical brain functioning mechanisms weren’t necessarily agreeing with the nerve endings located in my body. I was too busy thinking about E-Coli and feces and blood and tearing and prolapsed assholes and fucking E-COLI!!! I didn’t even know what E-Coli consisted of, but I knew it wasn’t good especially in or near my vagina. I knew it involved something with chicken & hamburgers & raw meat or something? Fuck if I know? I should have totally researched this shit already.

After analyzing the situation for all of 30 seconds, my overall conclusion was that if I was going to try anything sexual in and/or around my butt, this was the prime time. I had already had somewhere around 4-5 orgasms. My vagina was drooling all over everything at this point: the bed, his dick, his hand, my hand and my asshole!! Lube definitely wasn’t needed. I was practically a human lube machine. Plus, I was so relaxed at this point that standing up and walking would have been difficult. The anal experimental conditions were perfect.

Ok, I think I can do this. Here goes nothing…

Before we continued, the only thing I asked him to do was keep track of his fingers and use specific fingers for each hole. It was all very romantic. I just kept repeating “please, please, please remember which fingers are going into which hole.” He proceeded to hold up his hand to show me which fingers he delegated to which hole. I had this immediate urge to tie different colored ribbons around his fingers so he wouldn’t cross contaminate anything as if my body was now some kind of human kitchen surface. Like I said, it was extremely romantic. I’m sure there’s a romance novel out there somewhere with the same exact scenario.

Out of the myriad of things that could go wrong, the whole E-Coli thing mentally freaked me out. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Did I mention my cousin is a registered nurse? A registered nurse who ended up getting E-Coli in her vagina from doing vaginal to anal to vaginal. In my defense, I was rather nervous and my thought process was completely illogical.

At this point, I already had a vibrator resting comfortably against my clit with my ass high up in the air. All of a sudden I felt him lean down and start slowly licking my butt hole. I’m not going to lie, it felt really fucking strange at first. He then proceeded to spread my butt cheeks apart and stick his tongue directly into my butthole.

There were no words. My only reaction was an incredibly loud *gasp*. It’s the only thing that would come out at that particular moment. I had never felt anything like it. It was as if there were 1,000 nerve endings located directly in my asshole that were then directly connected to my vagina. I came almost instantaneously. I never really imagined it feeling so good that it genuinely shocked me. God damn, those gay boys are really onto something here.

At this point everything went rather quickly and was one intensely pleasurable blur. I held the vibrator on my clit. He rotated between fingering and licking my asshole. As I was about to orgasm, he had a finger in my ass and I mumbled something about putting fingers in my vagina or something? He then inserted two fingers into my vagina. I immediately asked for more. As I came, I had a vibrator on my clit, a finger and tongue in my ass and 3 fingers in my vagina all working simultaneously with each other.

It was one of those orgasms where you try to hold back just a little bit because you don’t want to sound like some kind of grunting & growling animal. There really was no way of holding this orgasm back. There was growling and grunting and biting and unknown sounds coming from my mouth involved. I was biting the bed, my arm, the comforter and anything else I could find in the vicinity at that moment. It was unequivocally one of the most intense orgasms of my life. My body was now shaking uncontrollably and orgasm after orgasm kept radiating throughout my entire body.

Afterwards, with my ass still up in the air, I basically just fell forward and buried my face into the bed. I couldn’t breathe.. or speak.. or think.. or even move. I was so sweaty it looked like I had just got out of the shower. It was fucking amazing in every sense of the word.

I suddenly felt him next to me wiping the now soaking wet hair out of my face while kissing me and making sure I was ok. I opened my mouth to speak yet there were no words coming out. I couldn’t even describe it. The first thing that came out was: “Oh my god, you’re just so.. so.. talented.” Who says that? I sounded like such a complete fucking idiot.

We both laid there looking at each other for a minute and then starting laughing… and we laughed… and then kept on laughing. The same exact way we laughed when we unsuccessfully attempted anal sex all those years ago. I swear, I love that man to death. He was so caring, slow, careful and FUN!!! It was like when you ride a roller coaster for the first time. It’s terrifying, exciting and fun all at the same time. Afterwards, you have this uncontrollable need to giggle and laugh at yourself. To laugh at how ridiculous you probably looked. To laugh at how scared you were. To laugh at all the noises and screams you made. And, finally, to laugh at how much fun it was!

And, then you immediately get back in line to ride it all over again.

Who knows? Maybe sometime within the next 10 years I’ll gather up enough courage to stick an entire penis up there? I’m totally down with that possibility. For now, though, I’m perfectly ok with just a finger or two up there and don’t forget the tongue!!!!




22 Replies to “Is That a Tongue Up My Ass?”

  1. BT

    Lacey: Congratulations on the new website. And …. congratulations on this piece. You have come so far from the first article you posted on Mike’s site. The voice is still you, but the writing is so much for focused. Really great job.

  2. Danny Davis

    Very good article and good looking blog Lacey. Mike better watch out, she might go after ya’ traffic.

  3. BT

    Mike – you got an eye for talent. You saw something in Lacey’s first column or two when she was feeling her way. Glad you gave her the chance. And I love 50 Shades Of Lame.

  4. MikeSouth

    as an avid reader I like to think i know good writing when i read it I have been fortunate in that many of the people I asked to write here do have talent and many accepted. Lacey is no exception. I think everyone has a story or two in them…speaking of email me about that project we talked about is anything happening?

  5. Jamie Profit

    Pretty gawd damn Good Lacey.
    Mike South this is just coming across the
    wire. Michael Whiteacre is trying to become a
    “porno star” with his whore wife King Kora?
    she is claiming he only has a ” 4 inch dick and
    can’t get it hard to look any bigger than that.
    HIS ASS….more to follow by you, we all know…

    Shalom from Israel

  6. Cindi Spiegler

    Worthless sawed off scumbag Ari Bass takes a plastic cock deep in his ass from his mentally ill wife after she does bong hits laced with meth. She also enjoys ramming her pallid tongue deep in his ass to get the taste of yesterday’s gefilte fish.

  7. LurkingReader

    Gumby Award of the day to Lacey!

    Not only can she write but she hit all the highlights of why after thirty+ years sex with my husband is still great. Communication, experimentation, and of course multiple orgasms till you’re a Gumby.

    Hoping you have a Balls Deep article coming as I kept looking for a balls deep reference 🙂

    Congrats on site can’t wait to see what you’ve done with it.

  8. Hop Sing

    That was super hot! Thx for sharing Lacey. I may missed it but was the guy your bf or just a one night stand?

  9. mharris127

    Interesting, Lacey. Hope you found something that turns you on here but be very careful, anuses tear a lot easier than vaginas. No, I don’t know that from experience but have heard/read the horror stories about porn chickies asses tearing on set one too many times.

  10. Hop Sing

    Matt I don’t think anyone here values sexual advice from you – a proven bullshitter and fountain of misinformation – very highly. Thx tho! 😉

  11. Lacey Blake

    Thanks Danny!!! But, any articles I write surrounding porn, the adult industry and/or sexual matters will generally be posted on Mike’s site first before my own blog.

    My blog was created more for personal reasons as a place for me to just write about whatever the fuck I feel like writing. Whether people read it or not doesn’t necessarily matter in the grand scheme of things.

    I have no ‘plan’ for it other than just writing about life, opinions or whatever doesn’t apply to the adult industry world.

    Mike has been nothing but kind & supportive to me. I’m a loyalist. I’ll still be here. 🙂

  12. Lacey Blake

    When I first began writing this and, actually, all the way until it was finished I never expected it to be so “detailed.”

    I just wrote it and didn’t realize how “erotic” it sounded until I finished and re-read it.

    With that said, I will not be mentioning “my inner goddess” or whatever that shit was called from 50 shades of Grey. Hahahahaha.

  13. Lacey Blake

    I’ve already learned my lesson, mharris127. I now understand the importance of relaxing muscles before doing anything involving the butt. Also, the importance of gallons of lube.

    I’m learning… hahahaha.
    Thanks for the advice though 🙂

  14. Lacey Blake

    Thanks Lurk!!
    I didn’t really discuss the act of “sex” which is probably why the “balls deep” reference from my weekly postings on Twitter weren’t included…

    I’m sure I’ll write something about fucking balls deep at some point. Love it. 😉

  15. Lacey Blake

    Thanks Hop Sing!! The guy was my husband who was, subsequently, also my boyfriend during the original article. I’m sure you can figure it out. 😉

  16. mharris127

    Speaking of tongues up asses, shouldn’t yours be up Rob Black’s, Hop? We may disagree but very little of what I say could legitimately be called misinformation and the only bullshitter here is you.

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