Okay, Mike. I’m giving you an ultimatum — you’re a good friend and I enjoy writing for your website, but if you don’t DOUBLE my pay immediately I’m going to start sending all my updates to Gene Ross. No, wait…that won’t work, will it? Maybe Meni would be interested…I’m in Long Island this week with two (count ’em) TWO peelers in my room.
God, I’m a lucky fucker. I’m residing at the sumptuous Howard Johnson’s in Commack, NY with the lovely Felicia Fox, Bubba the Wonder Dog, and Alice, a house dancer from Dayton who is a good friend of ours and is engaged to a wrestler that is about the size of Paul Bunyan. Alice is a cutie — she looks like a shorter version of Betty Page if Betty had a little more booty on her.
Remember all those dancer movies that came out a few years ago? “Showgirls”, “Striptease”, “Exotica”? Those movies are so far off the fucking truth it makes me sick…they never ever DISCUSSED the way a dancer’s feet smell…I’m thinking of making my own dancer film….(or maybe just a film about suitcase pimps)…just as soon as I get done working on this script I’m writing for a gay porn movie called “HAIRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONES”.
More for you tomorrow, when we reveal the opening scene of “TIMCASE: THE MOVIE”
Because we are like family and I heart you and Fifi effective immediately your pay is not just doubled but tripled, and not only that I did it Bill Clinton style, that’s right it’s retro-active, in this case to your birth. So enjoy the big nice fat bonus you are getting just in time for Christmas.
