Tim is a good writer, many of you know that but I don’t think you know HOW good. He has written here many times, some of them are linked below.
Tim currently writes for extra money (peanuts) for The Dayton City Paper, a small weekly paper in his hometown of Dayton OH.
He recently entered the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition, where he competed with writers all over the world, he wrote in her style and was limited to 400 words. his entry didn’t win but he scored a 9 with the judges and got one of only two honorable mentions. His entry is here (with his blessing of course). As someone who loves to read I thought this was genius, for the record his wife Beth is former A list star Felicia Foxx.
Erma Bombeck Writing Competition: Essay
“Hook ’em with the lead. Hold ’em with laughter. Exit with a quip they won’t forget.” Erma Bombeck
2016 Honorable Mention – Humor – Local
Timothy Walker – Dayton, OH, United States
“Dog Days”
“I’m starting a rescue,” my wife announces one day at dinner. “A dog rescue.” The children and I look up from our spaghetti, and a series of images passes through my brain. Rescue: flashing lights, ambulances, EMT’s with stretchers. Dogs, however, remain conspicuously absent from my mental picture.
I swallow my mouthful of garlic bread one tries to be polite with children present – and ask, “A dog rescue?”
“Yes,” she says. “I’ll save unwanted dogs from the county shelter, then rehabilitate them and adopt them out to local families.”
That was two years ago 14 in rescue years. Of the 51 dogs she’s re-homed, 32 have urinated on the couch, 19 have chewed on my shoes, and one ate an entire pound of thawing chorizo. The garage, which once housed our cars, is filled with dog food. I de-fur the furnace filter once a month, strangers stop by at odd hours to donate blankets and chew toys, and I haven’t seen the postman since last spring. There’s a one-eyed dalmatian who lives in my closet, a shih tzu in the bathtub, two pugs with allergies behind the TV, and a papillon with irritable bowel syndrome who makes her home beneath my desk.
Once, a typical evening of ours might be spent watching a movie with the kids. Now, Friday nights might go something like this:
Her phone rings. I pray it’s her mother.
“Hello?” she says. “Yes, this is Paws-4-Ever.”
Her eyes light up. Her breath quickens. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she had a boyfriend.
“He’s hairless? Oh, no. And he has no teeth? Oh, the poor thing! Yes, yes… of course I’ll take him. We’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
“No, Beth,” I said as she hangs up the phone. “Look, I have to draw the line. No toothless dogs. Please.”
“But he’s a chi-weenie!” she squeals, pulling on her coat and grabbing her purse. I stand up, dislodging Taco, the chihuahua who’s been with us for 9 months. “Beth?”
Brushing hair from my jeans, I reach for my jacket, laying on the armchair under Kojak, the poodle with PTSD.
“He’s a stray,” she said. “The poor thing. And they found him downtown, wandering alone. And he’s HAIRLESS, Tim. Completely bald. How would YOU like to be bald with no teeth?”
She pauses as I pick up my car keys and smile at the mirror, examining my gums and hairline, both of which, I notice, are receding rapidly.
“Okay, Honey,” I say. “We can bring in one more. But do you know of any rescues for balding, toothless, worn-out old husbands?”
Author’s Bio:
Timothy Walker is 50 years old and a resident of Dayton, Ohio. He is a husband and father, a writer, a DJ, an ordained minister, and a chili cook. He also performs with a local band, portraying Ozzy Osbourne in a Black Sabbath tribute band called Damaged Soul. Born in Huntington, West Virginia, Timothy graduated from Fairborn High School in 1983.
More from Tim ( there are MANY more just search the site for “Tim Case” and to Tim…Thank you brother for all of your support over the years, I love you man.
If anyone would like to hire Tim to write for a National Publication, contact me I will put you in touch, he truly deserves more than the 4 cents a word he gets now.
7 Responses
Easy to see why that did so well in an Erma Bombeck competition.
Severe case of puppy lust …lol
Thank you, Mike. I really appreciate the kind comments, and your reprinting the essay. You’re the best brother a man could have.
omfg I love it.
Ivy I actually KNEW youd like Tim’s writing, I am sure many others here do as well…and in all honesty when we were playing off of each other it made ME way better because I had to write up, so to speak. Tim is good and deserves a better audience than he currently has, I am trying to help that along.
Thank You and Thank You Tim for allowing me to repost it.
Dude you are my family man, not by blood but because I chose you to be….That’s the best family there is….
@Mikesouth My problem is my fingers fly when I’m writing an opinion piece I’m passionate about, but I stare at blank pages when it comes to deadlines. Every single time. I always dreaded flash fiction for that reason, as its actually a very concise art. This guy just nails it, and I loved it. One wouldn’t think that a couple of paragraphs would be hard work, until you try to be a writer. LOL.
Exactly Ivy…or as one of my favorites Elmore Leonard said If it sounds like writing rewrite it. That always kinda baffled me until I realized that Leonard was a masterful story teller and his advice was to tell a story not to write.