What Has Your Publicist Done For You Lately?

I am aware of the grueling physical demands associated with updating a porn stars MySpace or xPeeps profile on a regular basis. Filling in the blanks on one of those Mad Lib style porno press releases, “_______” will be dancing at Crazy Horse in “_______” the weekend of “_______”, is enough to give the best publicist serious Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

Maybe it’s just the blue collar work ethic I was raised with, but me, personally, I would have a very difficult time taking hard earned money from a performer to post message board comments about her brand new rubber vagina mold when she’s out there in the trenches day after day working her ass off racking up cock miles.

Have you ever noticed how this business has so many agencies and no talent management companies? It takes a lot more creativity to break a superstar than to arrange transportation to a gangbang. I like to poke fun at the assembly line of television parody films currently coming down the pike, but you have to give credit to Jeff Mullen for being a true creative thinker. He created a successful niche and he’s running with it. There are some people working in this business who haven’t done anything creative since 1992. They are usually the same people who complain on a daily basis about how the industry is dying. Don’t get me wrong. The DVD market is weak, but porn is never going to die. I should be siting here in a robe and slippers measuring my T-Cell count with what I’m about to say, but there really is something to the saying about seeing a glass half empty or half full. I’ve always admired the type of person who can walk into a room and see opportunity while everyone else in the same room is staring at a pile of dog shit.

If my goal was to simply make as much money as I possibly could in this industry, I would start the Steve Lick Talent Management company. Instead of buying 40 domain names and sending out a press release to Gene Ross advertising my Steve Lick Talent Management Grand Opening Hollywood Extravaganza Party/Steve Lick Talent Management Dick Grower Pills, I would be spending all of my time seeking out 1 or 2 girl next door type actresses who were serious about wanting to be successful in this business. Before I even shot their first sex scenes, I would follow each of them around with a video camera and record them shooting milk out of their noses or tripping over a newspaper on a sidewalk while wearing a bikini. After these videos get 3 million hits on YouTube in 2 days, you mean to tell me that 7,000 people around the world aren’t going to pay $3.99 to watch “the hot girl who shot milk out of her nose on YouTube” get fucked by her boyfriend?

I’m not claiming to be a creative genius I’m just giving an example of how a little attempt at creativity can possibly go a long way. Instead of paying a “publicist” $500.00 a month to get you on the guest list of the “Ass Eater Affiliate Party” at the Ramada on De Soto, invest in a video camera and control your own destiny. Take it from me, I’ve made a career out of turning shit into even shittier shit that makes shit loads of money. You can too… Now that the shit I’m creating for the Pamela Anderson E! show is almost completed, I’ll be getting back to my own adult industry shit. By the way, I haven’t signed a shitty production deal with anyone yet to launch my own adult debut shit. If you think I’m crazy for giving away the milk through the nose idea, what till you hear about the other shit I’m not saying shit about.

21770cookie-checkWhat Has Your Publicist Done For You Lately?

What Has Your Publicist Done For You Lately?

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4 Responses

  1. The publicists out today should be fired. When a performer is appearing on network television, we either hear about it only hours before it airs or the day after it airs. Most of their fans miss seeing it. I only heard about Lux Kassidy, Heather Vandeven, and Melissa Jacobs appearing on David Letterman with Motley Crue last night only hours before it aired. The press release about Paulina James appearing on MTV’s ‘Real World’ was only released after it aired and how the stripper on the show called Paulina a whore.

    You really have to take your career into your own hands. Most of the people you pay to promote your career do shit. For starters, have a real website with updates. Yeah I know your websites make money for you. But have another section of the site, for free, with updates on every appearance and every party and every candid of yourself you have. You’re in the entertainment industry obviously to be famous. So put yourselves out there and promote yourselves to your fans. And by providing daily/weekly candid pictures and updates, it will make your fan base grow and get you on more blogs for more exposure.

    Check out Kim Kardashian’s website OfficialKimKardashian. She has it set up as a fan site. No celebrity that I ever heard of has set up their own fan site. Celebrities have the lame boring websites that rarely see any updates or talk about their new projects at all. Kim posts her own pictures and her own daily updates. This then gets posted on many top celebrity blogs which gets her more traffic to her site. She’s a nobody whose never worked a day in her life. If she can make herself into a “star” with one boring sex tape and have one of the top celebrity blogs out there, then you girls and guys who actually work for a living can become superstars.

    Promote yourselves and get the people you pay to do their jobs and promote you. Think of something original. Mary Carey became more famous after running for governor. She’s a fucking genius! Go to every event you can and make sure people know about it days ahead of time.

  2. I don’t really disagree with anything that was written here. I can sit back and read this while having a smile on my face. The truth is that we all figure it out as we go along and some have more success than others. There is no single correct way to get a message out there but the trick is getting people to purchase whatever bullshit you are slinging.

    I really don’t consider myself a publicist like I used to be especially now that I’m producing and directing and endless sea of hit movies all that will outsell the next (joking here folks). The point is that some products are worth talking about and others are simply not. Some PR folks are good and some are not. I will say that I’m having a really fun time each day which is all I ever wanted to do.

    The truth is that you can have 10 clients that love you and 2 that think you suck and that is why I worked my ass off so that I wouldn’t have to publicize anything but our own product if I didn’t want to. All the best because this is a fucking hard business.

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