This blog post today has more twists and turns than a Harlem high school homecoming queen hair style, so bear with the extended setup because I can’t edit this shit any better at 2am.
My self-imposed exile in Northern California has been nothing but comfort food and downloading iPhone apps. I’ve gotten so fucking fat lately that it looks like I’m smuggling a catchers mitt under my chin (visit my twitter to see the evidence: stevelick666). I should be starring in my own tit fucking videos instead of working on other peoples shit. It’s beginning to sound like I’m breathing through an iron lung every time I’m having sex with my girlfriend now. I’m really one chest crack away from being forced to get out of this cycle and get back down to my fighting weight before I cross the Los Angeles city limits for my return to my adopted hometown.
With that being said, I’m currently working on a bunch of short term projects by day as I continue to fine tune the details of my porno production debut by night. Back in the early 2000’s while making some connections as a result of my TV work, I parlayed a side composing and songwriting gig into getting my own record deal. I used to make techno music and released a bunch of albums and did some touring throughout Europe. It was a lot of fun and I got a taste of how it feels to do that kind of thing for a living.
Now that that motherfucking setup of death has been completed, I’ve been working in a recording studio lately composing and recording a bunch of background music (music beds) for television and home video projects. This is where I met my girlfriend of a couple of months now. She happened to be visiting the studio with a friend that day and was listening to me work while sitting in the lobby. It turns out that she used to enjoy my records back in the day and we started talking for what ended up becoming a few hours ($365.00 of studio time). From that moment on, I guess you can officially say that I’m dating a stripper now.
It’s not like I have never ever shared an intimate moment with a woman who makes a living in adult entertainment before. The difference this time is that I am the fattest fucking animal I have ever been and this breathtakingly stunning woman has volunteered herself to be smothered by me on a nightly basis going on two fucking months now! I would be derelict of my blogging duty if I also neglected to admit to the fact she’s a few inches taller than me too. Not that I’m some abnormally short fucking hobbit. On the contrary. She’s just a fucking tall amazon, and when we walk together it looks like a bad Wii bowling video game come to life.
She invited me to see her strip for the first time this past Saturday Night at a club in Silicon Valley. Just like a special episode of “Happy Days” where the Fonz hangs out in a bathroom stall that he calls “an office” with a bunch of male high school students, I’m going to stop right here and make this blog post a two parter because I know no one could possibly give a shit at this point and I don’t want to run Mike’s site into the ground. Part II later this week.