Anyone in the Valley Need General Office Help? A PA? Whatever?:

I have a very well educated, well spoken, intelligent young lady who is seeking work in the valley. She has no problems with our business but has no desire to be in front of a camera, If you have part or full time work for her email me and I will put you in touch. She is sharp and is a fast learner, I highly recommend her. (She is easy on the eyes too)

AVN Online, A Review, Sort Of:

I got the February issue of AVNOnline today it bills itself as “Adult Internet News & Webmaster Resource”

Normally I thumb through it for anything that might be of interest and then file it. This time I had some free time so I decided to give it a pretty hard look and report what I saw here.

First of all the Magazine is slick, its printed on quality paper and looks good, no doubt about it.

The thing you notice most in thumbing through it is that there are a LOT of advertisers, and the number and types of ads reflect the current state of porn on the internet. Basically everyone is passing the same surfers back and forth between sites and programs in hopes that he will join one. They do this by forcing popups and other schemes on him until eventually he figures its worth the 29.995 to escape from this pop up hell. Nobody is advertising original and exclusive content. It’s all pretty much the same content with different pitches. but I digress.

Amid the pretty much superflous articles about the Paris Hilton keywords and press releases that are meaningless is an article about how PSWBilling is no longer processing payments, something that pswbillings customers knew back in November. Its a worthless story, the news is way old you couldn’t sign up with them a month prior to this issue coming out…hell 2 months prior. Another article explains what a “Markman Hearing” is and why its important. If you didn’t already know that you are not a very informed webmaster and you are in for a surprise when you find out that a company called Acacia is about to be demanding money from you, if they aren’t already.

As you read through you come on one of the cover stories entitled “A Branding Success Story” about how Taylor Wayne is getting mega rich on the net.

The story lets Wayne make all sorts of ridiculous claims like she gets “1.5 million hits a day” even if you don’t count those hits as uniquee visits thats ridiculous and any entry level web guy can look at the site and other resources and determine that her visits are well under 500 per day and that she might get 1.5 million hits in a year, if she is very lucky.

The article goes on to mention the “mansion that she lives in and her in home studio blah blah” what it barely mentions is that Taylor is married to an extremely successful photographer named Laurien, who is where all that money REALLY comes from. They even mention a taylor wayne site (taylorwayne.net) that doesn’t even work….

The point here is not to pick on Ms Wayne but to point out that if the audience is in fact “webmasters” this type of fluff has no place in the magazine, it’s clearly wrong and even a beginner webmaster can see that there was no fact checking involved, a simple look at her server logs can verify the traffic.

They also profile a Playboy Playmate and Victoria’s Secret model. Nice eye candy but do webmasters really want to read a 5 or 6 page ad for this chick, whose involvement in anything that resembles “porn” is non existant? Sure her site does OK, I can see that easily enough but is it something that I, as a webmaster can use? No way.

When the magazine imparts technical knowhow it is often wrong. In a recent issue some self appointed guru named “Old Tom” was explaining the intricacies of UNIX ownerships and permissions. he was wrong, very wrong and he was about to cross the line from being ignorant to being negligent by making recommendations that would compromise your sites security. When I emailed avnonline and pointed this out “Old Toms” series was cancelled immediately but my email was never acknowledged.

My advice to AVNOnline is to define your target audience and give it what it needs. As a webmaster I don’t need eyecandy and I don’t need bullshit articles about pornchicks that can no longer get work so they have turned to the internet and are claiming riches as a result.

Nor do I need information that I knew months ago. If you are going to succeed as a print magazine that caters to a medium that gives instantaineous news you aren’t going to do it by trying to report news that happened three months ago.

Technical articles are good a good series on how UNIX permissions and ownerships work is something many webmasters could use, but the person writing it better know what they are talking about. Good IN DEPTH technical articles and how to’s ae a good direction.

Another good topic is legal issues. Not scare tactics but real and honest advice on how best to make your site easily defendable should you need to and what the latest legal developments are. Admitted AVNOnline does some of this but not nearly enough and not nearly thorough enough.

Take an editorial stance from time to time, nobody knows where AVNOnline stands on the Acacia Issue, why is that? Sometimes you have to commit, sitting on the fence will do nothing but defeat you, ask Jimmy Carter.

On the other hand if your audience is the consumer then stick with reviews of gadgets and games and websites, consumers want eye candy, give it to them, but be honest in doing so.

We as webmasters only have each other as reliable resources, and so far that has worked well, resources like gofuckyourself.com and oprano have proven invaluable because the participants will help anyone and they are, by and large, honest. But there is a high signal to noise ratio something that AVNOnline should never have. Target your audience and turn AVNOnline into something more useful than bathroom reading.

Thats my $0.02 Worth.

Word Out to AGP Modeling:

When you guys send me your emails pimping your girls of the week it is not a good idea to send me a girl I shot over a year ago trying to tell me she has never done porn before.

“Keli Anderson will be making her first trip to the PORN VALLEY area for her debut of doing adult films. We are very excited about adding Keli to our roster because of the total package she offers the business. She is talent that you might pass on now but when you meet her, she glows sex appeal and energy. She is available for booking from Jan 27th to Feb 8th. Book her now by calling us or our on-line booking form. “

This is NOT her “debut of doing adult films” I shot that over a year ago.

A Guy In Houston Writes:

You don’t like gay people very much do you?

I assume you are referring to my football comments, which I don’t think are anti-gay in any way but maybe you are the sensitive type, in which case you found yourself in the wrong place indeed.

But let me set the record straight here, actually I don’t care who you have sexual relations with in the privacy of your own home, I don’t care who you hold hands with in public and I don’t care who you marry. In my belief it isn’t any of my business.

Further I think of my friends who are gay, I look around and I see guys and girls who have long term relationships with a same sex partner, they are lovng, caring and they treat each other with love and respect. Then I look at a lot of the Hollywood left, like Britney Spears, who have done everything they can to defile and destroy the institution of marriage. Is there any doubt where I stand on same sex marriage? I think gays are much more respectful of the relationship.

Had I been the judge here is what I would have said to Ms. Spears:

As I look at the circumstances surrounding this petition for annulment of this legally binding contract of marriage, I take a few things into consideration. Ms. Spears, you are a bona fide celebrity, you are looked upon as a role model by many young people, you have been granted a priveledge by our society and you are misusing this priveledge. I think both of you are making a mockery of not only the institution of marriage but also of this legal system and of my court. I do not want to see that continue and as such I am denying this petition. Make it work.

NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, YOU DISGUST ME!