For the most part I have put it out of my mind, there are things about it that bother me, night before last, I dreamed about it and it kind of shook me up I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about it.
One of the things that always bothered me, but is probably a blessing, is that I have no memory of it, but even more unsettling is I have no memory really of my time in the hospital.
I do remember looking at the clock on the bike, and the speedometer, I was running 45mph and it was 1105 I remember thinking I was about an hour from my dads and that it was a nice day for a ride. My next memory is being in an ambulance and asking one of the attendants to get the bags from the trunk and under the seat (I dont remember him doing so but my brother said that they were in my hospital room when he got there, of course I dont remember that.
my next memory as most of these memories is just a few seconds, I asked the ambulance attendant if I was going to make it, I dont remember the answer or if the attendant (EMT) was ale or female, I think there were two. Next memory I told the EMT that I had a concealed weapon, I remember taking it out of my pocket. The next memory I asked could I please have something for pain, then how long before we get to the hospital, I remember the answer …22 Minutes.
My next memory I heard a female voice saying we have a code 4 57 year old white male motorcycle accident ETA 2 and half minutes. I remember thinking code 4…Im not so bad I have no idea what code 4 is or means or even that I heard it correctly.
According to hospital records I got I was given a cat scan of my head and a full body scan, the head scan indicated no strokes or head trauma the body scan found 11 broken ribs on my left side, a broken shoulder blade and a broken collar bone, I had X Rays, I had a bruised liver, a bruised pancreas and a very slight puncture of my lung. I had stitches in my left hand. I have no memory of any of this.
I was taken to my room where Im told my family, my mother, my brother and sister in law my nephew my dad and step mother and my friend Frank were waiting, they all said I was coherent, happy, talkative and I even looked up my insurance company on my cell phone, to get the VIN number so my brother could get my bike. I have no memory at all of any of that my first memory in the hospital is pushing the call button to ask for more pain meds, I remember them saying they would check and see if I could have more. my next memory is over a day later.
Its the blanks in memory that bother me the most, the fact that my mother and brother and everyone said I seemed normal, people called me in the hospital, I have no memory of it. I dont know if it was the drugs…I was on a heavy dose of IV dilaudid as well as oxycodone orally, I was also on anti nausea meds, I guess because with all those broken ribs and the opiates they wanted to be sure I didnt throw up. I was on stool softeners.
I dont know if the dilaudid is what pretty much erased my memory or what but I have no real, continuous recollection of even being alive till I was at my moms. prior to that my memories are at most a few minutes of time.
For the record I had no head trauma (was wearing a helmet) the docs said nothing about a concussion or anything….its just so wierd even the state patrol listed in his report on the scene that I was conscious and coherent, yet how is it its all a blank….anyway I guess Im over it now, I ve always used this blog as catharsis and I guess Im doing that now, but it does help I guess its just one of those things that I will never know the answer to… Anyway if you slogged through this I hope it helps on some way if yu ever need it to…
11 Responses
…you don’t remember the strippers who danced for you in the room…?
Mike, your situation does remind me of some things that I have learned in some classes I took. Had to do some google searches to refresh my memory:
amnesia: retrograde amnesia (loss of memories that were formed shortly before the injury)
In tramatic brain injuries, the knockback of the brain against the skull is what causes the trauma. Were you wearing a helmet?
“When the brain is injured, these middle areas get pressed upon because of swelling (pressure pushes down on the brain). The middle sections of the brain are also resting on the bone of the skull. Because of forward and backward movement of the brain in an accident, they get sheered or torn.”
Link=http://neuro.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/jnp.16.2.127
“patients undergoing functional imaging. It will promote understanding of thalamic lesions and hypometabolism caused by anterograde and/or retrograde degeneration following cortical injury.” Hint get MRI
Ted talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/siddharthan_chandran_can_the_damaged_brain_repair_itself?language=en
Mike, make sure you do your follow ups and take it seriously. The quicker you can connect to people who can help you figure it out, the quicker you will heal. Take some time for meditation, and use all your senses fully. Olfactory (nose) scents can be beneficial in memory retrieval and storage, get some candles get some scented oils. Take up some yoga or something, and take time to appreciate sight (go for walks, look at art) take time to appreciate your hearing (listen to awesome music) and you get the idea. You’re alive! The brain is a miracle of nature, it is plastic (can fix itself, rewire itself) and there is still so much more to know about the brain. The next ten years are going to be a big leap in brain science. It’s still in infancy, and many people are working very hard to understand it and those researchers have my upmost respect. Take care Mike! Glad you’re still here! 🙂
Sounds like you did have a concussion accompanied with some amnesia. A concussion is basically a bruising of the brain and it can’t be seen via CT scan. Doctors diagnose it based on symptoms only. Since you are ok now I’d say don’t worry about it. Anything serious would’ve been picked up by the CT scan.
Memory and trauma don’t mix well. Human’s suck as witnesses because we think there ought to be a cohesive consecutive event. We suck as witnesses in the best of times too…an isolated car, stand of trees or bridge might come to mind recalling a long drive …NFW can we recall all the mile markers we noticed.
I am glad you are doing OK. Obviously I (and certainly you as well) wish your accident hadn’t happened in the first place but it could have been a hell of a lot worse. Now that you are doing better you can go out and make some more porn (or take your boat out in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico and catch your limit of red snapper), preferably with some hot woman that makes your dick pop up the minute you lay eyes on her.
Thank God you were wearing a helmet, Mike. It sounds like it saved your life. Unfortunately I still see far more motorcyclists not wearing helmets.
Ya theres little doubt in my mind that it did but I always wear the brain bucket, to me it makes no sense not to.
Ha Dirty Bob good one
I had three motorcycle accidents that should have killed me. After the 2nd, I made a deal with the gods. Since I loved riding so much, I wouldn’t quit. But if I had another accident & lived, I’d give them up forever. Sure enough, the last one was a doozie–hit head on by a drunk illegal going the wrong way on a one lane, one way, curving ramp over a highway bridge, no helmet either. I lucked out, got a bad knee and I can’t lift my foot very well, but everything else intact. The first one was kind of embarrassing but also very funny (but that story is not for here). And that time I woke up in the ER with no recollection of what happened or how I got there, a lot of road rash and I couldn’t open my eye. But wow man you broke ELEVEN ribs??!! That’s gotta hurt! Anyway very glad you survived!
ya all on the same side and ya it hurt like hell…problem now though is the arthritis in my collarbone….the one that got me though was the shoulderblade…I mean who breaks their shoulder blade…I felt like evel kneivel LOL
I got hit by a car in Miami but it was my fault as I was young and passing at intersections. A bunch of police officers and a helicopter with spotlight showed up shortly after the wreck and one cop asked “who’s bike is this?” I raised my hand and he yelled at me “get rid of it”!
I never rode it again. It even survived Hurricane Andrew. I lost my car and apartment but the bike still stood on it’s center stand even while the floodwaters rose all the way to the handlebars. I guess it wanted to be rode again I just tossed my keys and title to a friend and got the heck out of dodge.