Today is The Day:

We either get a ruling on 2257 or it gets postponed again.

Jessica Jaymes Makes The New York Post, Asking 1M for Nick Lachey Sex Story:
(From Todays New York Post)

November 21, 2005 — THE already shaky marriage between Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey is about to hit another big speedbump.

Jessica Jaymes, a porn star who performed raunchy sex acts with another woman in front of Lachey and pals at a bachelor party last year, is trying to sell a story to the tabs about what she claims really happened that night — and it isn’t pretty.

Last year, Star magazine reported in a story where no one was on the record that Lachey and his crew met up with Jaymes and two female friends [“an Asian and a blonde”] at an L.A. club. The crew later went back to a Hollywood Hills home where the women gave a sexual performance, which included “whipped cream and sex toys.” Also with the group was a male friend of Jaymes.

At one point, Lachey got on the bed with the girls and seemed “in a trance.” Eventually, Jaymes’ male pal became “so concerned” about something that Star doesn’t specify, he “intervened,” pulling Jaymes away from the bed — to Lachey’s “dismay.”

Now, we hear, Jaymes and her business manager Gordon Yugovich are asking $1 million plus syndication rights to the “entire story” with steamy details that are sure to make Simpson’s hair stand on end. This time, not only will Jaymes be on the record, but her two girlfriends as well as the man who pulled her from the bed are supposedly going to talk — all confirming Jaymes’ story.

Both Jaymes and Yugovich refused to “confirm or deny” details to PAGE SIX, although both noted something was being shopped around.

I’m not sure how this story even ranks one hundred bucks, much less one million…but who knows.

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men: Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES:

You make the bed. (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow. (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5)

In the rain. (+10)

But return with beer. (-15)

You check out a suspicious noise at night. (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing. (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5)

You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)

It’s her pet. (-25)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS:

You stay by her side for the entire party. (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy. (-2)

Named Tina. (-4)

Tina is a dancer. (-10)

Tina has breast implants. (-80)

Really big breast implants. (-200)
HER BIRTHDAY:

You take her out to dinner. (0)

You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar. (+1)

Okay, it is a sports bar. (-2)

And it’s all-you-can-eat night. (-3)

It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

A NIGHT OUT:

You take her to a movie. (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes. (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)

You take her to a movie you like. (-2)

And it’s called “DeathCop”. (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans that was featured on “Oprah”. (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE:

You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)

You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-10,000)

ENJOY THE ‘BIG’ QUESTION:

She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5)

[Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT you say.]

You hesitate in responding. (-10)

You reply, “Where?” (-35)

Any other response. (-20)

COMMUNICATION:

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (0)

You listen for over 30 minutes. (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-5,000)

I Talked To RobbyD This Weekend:

He agreed with me on the Howard Stern assessment, he did note that Howard should have done something better with two of porns top personalities on and I agree but I have bagged on Howard a zillion times, what he does is make us look bad….fuck him.

Robby said AVN had hooked it all up, he said it was like your buddy comes over and says come on man lets go for a ride you can even drive my new car, then you find out your buddie is robbing a bank…

Robby is a riot

He put Jelena Jensen on the phone…Damn she is a hot

Word out to his editors…Adella may hate me now but you guys are still the best in the biz!

Some Holiday Suggestions:

Many of you don’t know it ( OK nobody knows it) but I am a pretty good cook and Tim Case has compelled me to give y’all a couple of my better ideas for thanksgiving

First is a Turkey your family won’t forget, just be warned if you use this you will be cooking the turkey for the rest of whatever:

First rub the bird (skin on) with the juice of one whole lemon (let the juice stay in the pan)

now pour 6 oz of ginger ale over the bird, let that stay in the pan too of course

salt, pepper, garlic and butter (real not margarine) to taste

now rub the bird with real honey

cook according to the directions on the bird, basting every 30 mins or so with the drippings, dont overcook it.

VIOLA!

Shrimp is Cheap These Days:

Heres a substitute for the shrimp cocktail that’ll blow em away

26-30 count shrimp boil them in beer with a bay leaf and some garlic if you like, set aside to cool

Romaine Lettuce and cucumber ( I prefer the english cukes)

Chop the lettuce and slice the cuke and arrange the shrimp on top

make a dressing of freshly grated ginger root (you grate it)

about 1/2 a teaspoon of sesame oil (the concentrate oil) about 3 tablespoons of the unconcentrated the way to tell…if its dark its concentrated if its light or medium it isnt…taste to be sure

and about 6 tablespoons soy sauce (NOT Lachoy) kikkoman or other real japanese brew.

adjust to taste and adjust quantity as needed

pour over chilled shrimp, lettuce and cucumbers

That one knocks em out 😉