I got a mail Saturday with a “survey” asking a bunch of bullshit questions. It was supposedly going to be sent to Obama and all the senators and congressmen, included was an envelope, return postage paid, to send a donation to the republican party.
I took the opportunity and instead sent them a letter in it, I doubt anyone will read it but hey maybe you got one too, feel free to use my idea.
Dear Republican Party,
You send me a survey in which fifty percent of the questions revolve around government spending. Correct me if I am wrong but didn’t you just have the house, the senate and the executive office and in the process run up the largest budget deficit in history?
You have the gall to ask me for my support? I supported you and your contract with America, of which you renegged on 13 of the 14 points of the contract. Now you want my support again?
Allow me to give you some advice.
1. Stop passing petty laws and creating useless bureaucratic agencies.
2. Stop spending money on things we cannot afford, like wars that we have no business being a party to.
3. Get over Roe V. Wade there are FAR more pressing problems in this country
4. While you are at it get your nose out of my personal life. It is none of the governments business who or what I do in private. All I want from government is to be left alone to manage my own life.
5. Get over the idea that this is a “Christian Nation”, it is not. Most of our founding fathers were Deists.Why do you kiss the posterior of the religious right anyway? Are you afraid they will vote Democratic?
6. Listen to Ron Paul, had you done that four years ago you would still be in the White House and we wouldn’t be in this mess.
7. When you say you are for less government, mean it. If by chance you should regain control make government SMALLER, a LOT SMALLER.
8. Instead of spending your efforts demagoging health care reform do something meaningful , you could start in these areas: Allow me to buy insurance across state lines. Tort Reform. Allow me to pick the coverage I want, I don’t need to be covered for pregnancy, or drug abuse therapy., Make the insurance companies accountable to the public, ditto pharmaceutical companies, there needs to be oversight here. It’s probably asking too much but executing all lobbyists for the above interests would solve a lot of the problems.
9. Stop dropping morons like Sarah Palin on us, I would have voted for John McCain until that harpy was put in the position of being a heartbeat away from the Presidency. Joe the Plumber would have been a better choice and had you picked Ron Paul, you would probably be in the White House right now.
10. Pay attention here, I’m one of those “Independents” that you HAVE to have to win. I lean Libertarian, as do most Independents.
You want my money? EARN IT!
8 Responses
[New Post] Dear Republican Party – via @twitoaster http://www.mikesouth.com/mike-south-comm…
lol! Now I hope you get mail from the Dems so you can rip them a new one as well. great post!
But, but, but… ‘publicans are successful.
There’s a reason why they’re so much more powerful than the Libertarians. They’re just giving the people what they want – and what the people want is to be able to feel like freedom loving Americans without having to do the work to actually understand what freedom actually means. We can feel like hot shit – without being hot shit.
Which brings me to Sasha Grey. Sasha Grey makes us believe we love beauty, freedom, and fun – even though in actuality she lets us indulge our need to see those things defaced, perverted, and trivialized. There’s a reason why she’s gonna be “the next Jenna Jameson.”
She’s successful, the Repubs are successful… what’s your beef South? You can hide behind the “but unlike politicos I don’t use force” mantra all day long, but deep down you know that when you make monsters, monstrous things start popping up all over the place.
Retire. (1234 Bank Account St, Bank Accout, BA, USA, 12345)
I did a similar return several months ago. It’d be interesting to know how many others have too.
If they did what you wrote I would vote for them but its not going to happen.
Awesome.
Uh, you DO know that it’s direct mail marketing and that NOBODY reads the polls sent in, right? That’s just to get you to REPLY.
Funny how in a business (porn) filled with scams and cons, we never quite figure out that the “legit” (political porn) folks do it, too.
The key in direct mail is to get you INVOLVED. To get you to RESPOND.
So, they weight their “surveys” with issues that ought to appeal to the targeted demographic, and people respond, thinking that they’re DOING something and a certain number always think, “heck I’ll stick something in the envelope.”
Which makes money for the direct mail people (who run the same scams on both parties, use the same printers and the same techniques). Think of ’em as porn box covers. The “poll” is the come on for a lousy tape that doesn’t have one frame that matches the box cover. BUT, it makes ’em money.
The irony is, compared to the massive amount from “big donors,” the grassroots stuff is piddling, and doesn’t actually add up to all that much in the Big Picture. If they keep your demographic “involved” and maybe get the mailing to pay for itself, that’s gravy.
Oh, and if you give five or ten or twenty, they make money by “renting” their mailing list to, say, Judicial Watch, and the like. (same thing on the other side).
I’ve been inside politics (R and D) and I’ve been inside porn, and it’s really weird how much the view is the same.
As a buddy of mine says, in politics, no good deed goes unpunished.
One point I forgot: the party leaders, etcetera NEVER NEVER NEVER see the fundraising letters, nor the “poll” results. Generally, they send a copy of their signature and the direct mail vendors (contractees) take care of the rest. A state party chair once asked me if I could save or xerox my copy of “his” fundraising letter because, quoth he: “I want to see what I ‘wrote’ in it.”
And explained the above to me.