The Annual Awards

Yup they are coming as I think them up.  If you have any suggestions email em my way.

Heres a few off the top of my head:

Best Porn Attorney:

Hell this ain’t even close, Lou Sirkin is the best of the best and Jennifer Kingsley deserves mention as well. If you have a big adult battle…this is the man you want in your corner.

Best Balls In Porn:

Rondee Kamins of course, she took on 2257 with her own money and won She desrves way more kudos than she gets for that one, she is a real hero. Didn’t hurt that Lou Sirkin was in her corner either.

 Biggest Collection of Worthless People In Porn:

The Free Speech Coalition. Had they spent more time working like Rondee and less time begging, making excuses and trying to fleece moeny from webmasters they may have seen the success Rondee saw. They should all hang their heads in shame, they didn’t even file an amicus brief in Rondee’s case.

Smartest Girl in Porn: 

Forget 18 year old wanna be existentialists and such, if you want to see real brains in a porn chick look no farther than Stormy Daniels.  She knows what she wants and she gets it.

Dumbest Girl In Porn: 

OK thats a crowded field but any 18 year old pornchick who thinks that at 18 she even knows what existentialism is, is only fooling herself.

Harry Weiss:

I don’t know what he won but I’m sure he will let us know.  He invented porn after all.

Best Departure From Porn: 

Kurt Lockwood. Good riddance, now if only he’d take Nick Manning with him.

Porn’s Cutest Couple :

That would have to be Talon and Jean ValJean, I hear they hold hands and skip to the gym together.

Porns Most Shocking Revelation NOT:

That Mary Carey’s tits were fake all along….. I mean really y’all

Worst Thing To Happen To Porn: 

The Internet, considering the lack of quality in porn these days is it any wonder? Porners have tried to make up for it by increasing the quantity, so now you have 2DVDs full of unwatchable crap instead of 90 minutes of quality porn. And the internet is making available for exactly what it is worth. Nothing!

Best Thing To Happen To Porn:

The Internet, thanks to the internet people who had no access to porn before now have access to more than they could ever want.  So much so that college women no longer see porn as any big deal.  Can the end of porn as we know it be far behind?

Crossover Award:

OK let’s face it. If you play a hooker, a pornchick or a stripper….it isnt crossover, it’s typecasting. So that right there rules out everyone but Stormy and Ron Jeremy so let em share it. Stormy represented the industry very well on Nightline and on other TV news magazine shows.

Best Known For Not Ever Having Done Aything Award:

Tony Batman,  I mean exactly what DOES he do?

Trend That Died Two Years Ago Award:

Alt porn, someone notify Vivid and DP would ya? That shit was old two years ago.

Worst Trend In Porn:

Viagra popping gay porn guys crossing into straight porn. It’s a large part of why porn is so bad these days, it has become about the guys, not the girls.

If You Don’t Have Anything Good To Say About a Dead Porn Person Award:

Chico Wang

Best Public(ist)ity Whore:

Edging out the competition this year is Jeff Mullen, He has milked some of the lamest ideas right to the top of the charts. It’s time to let “Not The Brady’s” rest in peace Jeff. BTW for those of you not in the know he also directed it under a different name.

Longest Running Scam In Porn:

That Sharon Mitchell actually has any kind of degree from any accredited school (she doesn’t)

Longest Running Myth In Porn:

That being on Howard Stern will do ANYTHING good for your “career” It doesn’t

The Bigfoot, Yeti, Loch Ness Monster, Chupacabra and Honest Politician Award:

Fluffers, just like the aformentioned, I have heard of them all my life but never seen one…

More coming….