Pimps and Hos

While I was a prostitute, some years back, a john asked me, “Why do all you girls marry bums – leeches who pimp you out, take your money and leave you dried up, used and nowhere, in the end?” This is funny (now that I think of it), because – if I remember correctly – this person was trying to “leech” more time from me, well after his hour was up. I tried to answer tactfully, but I also wanted him out, so I’m sure I said something like, “Well, we are, mostly, nice females without a lot of direction. I’m sure we don’t know we are marrying leeches who are going to pimp us out and take all of our money…” then kicked him out.

It is a good question, though. To be fair, most of my friends/fellow porn stars suffer, or have suffered, a crazy boyfriend and/or husband. But also, to be fair, it takes two people to make a messy relationship, so I am going to answer his question – a question from a time-leeching john who was genuinely interested in why “girls like me” marry bums.  People get together because they have something in common. Mine is not a background of articulate people who are most concerned with education, how one expresses their ideas and how one conducts oneself in a high profile setting. Mine is not a history of being gently-yet-firmly cajoled into mastering my patience, learning how and why to listen thoughtfully to other people, with great emphasis placed on stratagem – business or otherwise. I am from a people who hunt deer, drink beer, burp loudly, giggle uncontrollably at “potty humor”, who eat their frozen dinners (after it’s been heated in the microwave, of course), in front of any one of six perpetually running television sets positioned throughout the house. I am from a people who, literally, break their backs working, and who express their emotional needs by yelling… a lot! I don’t mind this, at all.

But, it can make for a scattered person without a lot of direction. My ex and I jumped into our relationship without a lot of thought, and continued that trend for twelve years. There is no easy answer, really, but if I were to try and condense it to an overall answer, I would say that two directionless/ambitious people – a polite, “Whatever you say, honey!”-female and a “I’m a guy hitched to a hot chick and I like a lot of sex,”-guy – equals… what we were. Add those ingredients, mix thoroughly, and you get an instant recipe for hooker/pimp. I must add, also, that there are people who enjoy this situation who are sucessful and their relationships last, but I would distinguish them as “having direction”, if that is the case.

Some people, though they have things in common, are not necessarily good for each other. Balance in all things, right? A healthy relationship for me means being with someone much more grounded than I. I run right out into the ether without a tether to hold me down. I can say the same for my ex. He needs a grounded person. Together, there was just a lot of running around and it didn’t seem to serve our mental and emotional needs very well. We are friends, though, and he is a great person, especially with the right kind of female. Bad relationships happen to the best of us. This thing called “life” just happens. How you learn from it determines what kind of a person you are, in the end.

As for my taking care of him after divorce, that is called “integrity”. A man divorcing a woman that has no job during the marriage, who gives her money to pay for things after the divorce, is being considerate and practical. That is what I did, although I did overextend myself for too long. Still, the basic logic is that of uprightness to the person who didn’t want the relationship to end, even though it was bad for both of us. Integrity is a good thing and I am happy to have it.

I have learned quite a lot in my few years and regret nothing. It’s been an awesome ride, so far, and if my wishes come true, it’s a ride that isn’t even halfway over. Not only that, but girls like me don’t always marry guys that are bad for us. That is the final answer to that question, though I wanted to offer it up from the start – I am married for the second time, he works and he is very good for me. Very, very good for me.

Oh! I am fully operational to conduct interviews!! HoooWeeee! I am so excited! I am trying to figure out how to shoot a cute little “demo” interview to show models that I am not going to be a weird person to talk to. Last week’s article was unexpectedly deep and I don’t want anyone thinking I’m going to ask them harsh questions that will only serve to make them uncomfortable. Imagine: hanging out with a girlfriend, laughing and having fun, talking about whatever you want to talk about – whatever that happens to be. You like squirrels? Do you get squirrels tattooed all over your body in interesting (and scary) places? Cool. (I knew a girl who had a thing for frogs and got frog tattoos on her feet and fingers. It was very cute!) Are you hot for mimes? We can talk about that, too. It’s promotion for you, and shooting and editing experience for me. My way of giving back to an industry I invested quite a bit of time in, that I feel I can infuse with good reporting energy by focusing on the women in a mature, fun and relaxed setting. This isn’t a money-making thing for me, so I have no angle. I don’t need to sell sex to anyone, so it’s really about the female, it’s really about highlighting whatever she is into. And if you can shock me, good luck, because you will be hard-pressed to accomplish that feat. I love independent chicks, so do not be afraid to sit down with me for a little while and chit-chat. I can’t pay you for it, but if my assessment is correct, it will be very good promotion for you. And that is always a good thing. 😀

– Julie Meadows