Perdition in a Post

I’m drinking a beer. Why? Because in my life, and what I’ve been through, and what I’ve seen, I deserve to drink a beer. I deserve to drink. A. Lot. Of. Beer!

I was thinking about life today, and the cookie-cut picture we see that we’re supposed to envision and push for… for ourselves. I should be going to the gym. I should be drinking lots of water. I should be doing a lot of things that I’m not doing… why? Because it’s not practical. It’s not practical for me to want to eat like a herbivore just to keep my weight down when I’m not a person with a naturally fast metabolism. It’s not practical for me to want to go to a gym and pretend that fifty people aren’t standing right next to me pretending that I’m not there and listening to my headphones because the music playing isn’t good enough because I don’t actually follow what’s popular on the radio anymore. I’m supposed to want to hang out around people without hanging out with them and act like I’m having the time of my life sweating and running when I have bad knees and don’t actually even like people anymore and can’t stand maneuvering around strangers like they’re moving furniture that’s in my way. I don’t live in an era where exercise comes naturally because I have to tend a farm or round up my cattle or fish or doing anything outside at all. I live today. I live in a fast food world where everything revolves around the computer and the cell phone and my cyborg-looking blue tooth because it’s illegal to drive and hold the phone at the same time because dumb people have caused traffic accidents by talking and texting, and I can’t afford another traffic ticket!

And then that’s not even true, because I do like people, and I want to connect, it just seems so impractical to try with so little time and so many people to maneuver around. I’m finding it hard to read a friend’s book even though it’s good and interesting, because I work, and after work I work some more. And when do I make time for my sweet, wonderful, loving and incredibly perfect man? After work? Before work? Between bouts of work? Between issues?

I shouldn’t even start about issues. I can’t watch one damn thing without seeing some seemingly intelligent person utter something idiotic about “hos” and “bimbos”. How is it that people who seem educated and enlightened get a free pass to be completely stupid when it comes to attractive women who have sex in a more liberated manner than others? I like Bill Maher, thoroughly enjoyed “Religulous” and even defended him a bit against the dark political observations from my wonderful man as I watched his latest show – I don’t know what it’s called – and then Bill goes on a mini tangent about how some women are just “hos”, and how pimps sing about their “hos”. Thank goodness audiences are becoming more reluctant to applaud these awkward, unexplaining, dismissive and irrelevant rants, because from me to you – IT’S BORING! Irrelevant and BORING. Even Star Jones only got a very reluctant bit of applause after referring to Tiger Wood’s women as “gold digging”. Star, you better not ever get married again, because married women are the most “gold digging” “hos” on the planet. Politicians tell you what you want to hear and play games behind your back, while a few will play it straight. This model is flipped for sex workers. It’s honest, it’s “out there”, and a few shady people will play you for something you didn’t expect. Why is it okay for these “intelligent” people to fashionably blow off an entire group of women with broad generalizations and prejudice statements they would never, themselves, stand for?? One’s African-American and the other is a Jew. Shame on you both! I’ll say this, if you really want to know the actual intelligence of any so-called intelligent person – ever! – ask them about “blonde bimbos” and “hos”. Hell, ask them anything at all about sex. That will tell you everything you need to know.

I have gay friends that can’t get married, female friends that can’t be heard because they’re pretty and they feel like they don’t really matter. Our society pushes down its love and teaches us that we have to fight to earn other’s love. Fight? To earn love? Does that make any sense at all? Fight for love? I’ve been fighting for love my whole life. I’ve been fighting for everything I have my whole life! My life is one big fight, and all I know how to do… is fight! Fighting hasn’t taught me a goddamned thing about love. Fighting has taught me how to fight, and be angry, and feel hurt because no one knows how to love indiscriminately. If I’m at the bottom of the totem pole, who’s below me? When is it my turn to be a fashionable bigot? Should I spout my so-called intelligence and enlightenment and then flippantly put down an African-American woman who’s not that different from me except that she’s still a prostitute and has AIDS? Who is lower than me that I could and should easily discard them in order to fit in with the pop culture icons we watch on t.v. that normally have intelligent things to say and then put down someone like me because it’s accepted, because no one questions it? Is a gay Indian boy with AIDS lower than me? A child, because they’re powerless? Priests and school teachers seem to think so. Our government thinks so. Texas is voting to oust Thomas Jefferson’s very mention from the school curriculum because he doesn’t fit in with the religious views shared by the Republicans in power there, and according to the New York Times, they want to present, “…Republican political philosophies in a more positive light.” By stealing education?? What is left after children? Animals? Oh, wait… What? Animals actually have better representation than I do?! Oh… The lowly blonde bimbo gets dumped on by the voyeurs from every angle?? Great! All I need is a normally sweet and loving cow to flip me the bird and plant a cow paddy in my path and make a joke at my expense and hope I run crying just to prove some non-existence point about my ignorance. Get one of these pieces of shit to actually tell you what’s wrong with having sex, and making money, and showing off your body. They can’t! The emotional idiots will always try to throw you off with emotionally-charged, degrading words that “exemplify” what they mean. Why? Because they can’t articulate what is actually wrong with any of it. “Gold digger, “ho”, “bimbo”… are supposed to convey feelings, not logic. Ask one of these perverts what’s really wrong with any of it. They can’ tell you because it’s actually relative, explainable, arguable and not illegal. Only prostitution is illegal. And they’d have porn be illegal, too, just to throw all the attractive women in a dark cell somewhere, because no matter how much they pretend to like beauty, they hate it, and they rape it like they rape everything else that’s naturally pure.

And I’m supposed to take all this shit and not want to murder anyone, and not want to murder myself, and want to strive for a healthy and wonderful and beautiful and enriched life because “I deserve it!” Because my self-esteem should be better! Because my intelligence should make me more, more, more! I should be trying to set a postive example because I owe it to the next person even though no one ever thought to show that to me! Why do I drink? BECAUSE I DESREVE A MOTHERFUCKING DRINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!