Damien Michaels, and How Porn is Not All Bad

I met Damien Michaels in 1998. I met him shortly after I had started doing scenes in the industry. He was one of five or six self-proclaimed “managers”, at the time, vying to recruit talent away from Jim South and his agency,  World Modeling. Damien’s spiel was that Jim handled too many people and could not cater enough to each actor’s individual needs. I tended to agree because Jim had just pushed me to work for Max Hardcore when I emphatically expressed a desire not to, just from information I had heard. After that experience, having a personal manager sounded like a pretty good idea.

Now, sure I was new to L.A., but I wasn’t born the day before moving there. I met Damien at his apartment complex in The Valley and we got into his car and headed towards his “office”. He immediately went into my mainstream movie prospects; how he could introduce me to big-name producers, get me important auditions, make me a star, etc… I listened, but I was immediately turned off. I had done the mainstream acting thing in Texas. I did not move to Los Angeles to make mainstream movies. I moved to Los Angeles to make porn. Simple. He went on for so long about Sharon Stone and how well he knew her that I started to get really nervous and severely regretted having gotten into his car. I smelled a rat and just hoped, at that point, that he wouldn’t do anything really stupid, because I may not be big, and I may not be a very strong woman, but I have a lot of will, stamina and a large pair of phantom testicles. I will either beat you up or I will die trying.

Damien didn’t seem like a bad guy, just a hustler. I don’t like to be hustled and I didn’t really understand it, anyway. I was in it to make porn. Get me work! There’s no reason to lie to me! All I could gather was that a) no one wanted to work with him, b) he just wanted to get laid, or c) both. I didn’t care halfway through the ride. I just wanted to go get back to my car.

He took me to someone’s “office” but it was locked. So now we’re standing outside of a building in an industrial area in Hollywood while he looks for the guy that’s supposed to be there waiting for us. Then I find out the guy’s supposed to be waiting for us so we can do a scene together. The gods were smiling down on me, because this Don Fernando person never answered his phone and never showed up. I said to Damien, “A scene? Are you kidding? I don’t have my test on me.” It was a mess. He was pissed at Don and cursing, and all I could think was, ‘If this Don guy shows up I’ll just vomit, or I’ll shit on myself. I will get out of this.’ Nothing happened. We got back into his car.

Now, yes, there are seedy people in porn, but unless you live under a rock, guess what, there are seedy people in every industry. The argument against porn – I have heard it a million times – is that it is bad for the people who are in it, involved in it in any way, and bad for the people who watch it. I have met many guys like Damien, but you have to be really gullible to think people like that make up an entire industry. They don’t. Porn is not all bad.

I think it comes down to whether or not we live in reality. I mean, who really believes the mascara ad when the digital graphics suddenly add an extra two layers of lashes to the model’s eyelid, as if mascara could actually do that? As if it has the hybrid qualities of cloning in it’s chemical make-up to turn your tender eye skin into an instant flesh forest. If you have two eyelashes, you are still going to have only two eyelashes after the mascara is applied. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you that… it pains me. They will be prominent, but there will still only be two hairs there.

Living in reality is a good thing. Who really believes that the gaggle of impossibly thin women who appear on the covers of “beauty” magazines really represent  the majority of women and what’s really beautiful? By now we should all know that every hard sell comes with disturbing fine print about the consequences of buying into so much bologna. Look, anorexia is just as unhealthy as overeating. Everyone should know that. Very few people are healthy because they add the right balance of diet and exercise to their daily regimen, but it’s possible to, you just have to really stop and pay attention to YOU to know what’s good for YOU. Maybe porn isn’t good for you, but porn is a healthy lifestyle for a lot of people. “Healthy” is dependent on personal tastes for health and happiness. There are Damien’s of the world everywhere you turn, but there are also good and decent people who just want to enjoy their lives by their own design. Knowing this and thinking about people who crusade against porn begs the question, “What is it these people really have against porn?”

I think one of the reasons people are afraid of pornography, haunted and alarmed by it, is that they think it is somehow too real, and that every porn recruit is a “Damien Michaels” or someone who feels they have to use lies to lure people. That the process of pulling a male and female into a work situation, and that the scene process, itself, is always led by sexual predators and seediness. Sometimes it is, but not always. I would venture to say, mostly not. Unfortunately, I think some branches of mainstream media are much worse, but I also think the balance is that people who buy into bullshit so easily also don’t want to know the actual truth about other things. Somehow the insinuation that there are more pedophiles at Walt Disney Pictures than there could ever possibly be in porn, ‘Is just crazy!’ That’s just too unreal, right? How we gauge real and unreal is askew because we’re led by the media, forgetting that their only aim is to sell us something. The only way to really find out is to investigate. It’s a precarious balance we settle on in our minds. We don’t want to believe that a whore can have virtues and morals while “America’s Sweetheart” is a slut. But why not? What’s wrong with a whore having virtues and some kind of personal integrity, that she has a family to feed and standards when she works, things she just will not do for any amount of money? Why not believe a shiny-faced superstar has blown more men and women than an actual whore, just for the opportunity to be “America’s Sweetheart”? It’s quite possible and quite realistic.

We don’t want to know that our news spins the truth, that our religious leaders molest young boys. Making a sex scene is too mind-numbingly normal for anyone to accept. It’s just like a scene in a regular movie, except on a smaller scale. It’s like an indie film. Aside from the misogamist gonzo companies of the world, adult movies are made with agents and film permits, catering and crews, etc… And it’s… well, it’s normal. And, just like being on a regular movie, everyone usually has fun. There are prima donnas and jokesters, quiet people and organized and geeky people, rude people that no one likes, but tolerate because that’s just the way they are. They have fun for the same reason mainstream movie-making people have fun – because they get to make their money without having to be in an office all damn day! If you want to know what being an object is like, work in an office. You’re a machine and if you don’t perform at optimal capacity, see ya! That or you actually don’t do any work but no one cares and you spend your days watching your useless life pass before you while you drink yourself into a slow and uncelebrated death. These creative types get to stand around some food and laugh with the same people they see every time they work, and when the time comes to perform, it’s not weird! Someone walks up dispassionately and says, “Are you ready?” and they say, “Yes,” or “No, I have to go do my girlie things,” and then eventually things start. It’s so normal that nervous outsiders are usually relieved and relaxed after only a little bit of time on a porn set. It’s so normal, in fact, that predatory outsiders make everyone so uncomfortable after only a little time that they are eventually asked to leave and then escorted off the set! Predators are not welcome on porn sets. And most of the people who get into the industry are people who happen to like sex and don’t mind making their money doing it – doing that one thing they really enjoy. They feel lucky that they can show up and have sex and also pay their bills. They may not have the kind of longevity a record producer can have, but if you pay attention to people from different creative backgrounds, you’ll notice that there are very few who can pull off a constant living doing what they love all of their adult lives. Hell, for even a few years! One-hit-wonder-musicians, child stars, people who write a successful novel and then disappear, painters, etc… very few people from any given vocation can pull it off in the long term. That’s life. It takes real stamina to be a “Madonna” in your trade. You have to dig in, develop thick skin and constantly reinvent yourself. That’s the only way to make it work.

I’m getting long-winded here, but the whole anti-porn thing is why I get upset at people like Shelley Lubben. I apologize. I know I am picking on her again, but damnit, she’s the most accessible example I have, and I have something very pleasant to say on her behalf in a second.

I get upset because I think, “Really? You never had a good time, not on one set? You didn’t enjoy yourself just once? You don’t think it’s other people’s perception of the industry that’s damaging?” Every time a person from the industry denounces the entire industry, they only serve to do the same thing that the mainstream media does to the industry every time they conduct their silly two-dimensional “exposés”. They set the mature adults of the industry back several years in their developed evolution, and highlight the scumbags, the people that don’t deserve the attention! They reinforce the nastiness and consequently, those people who should eventually be weeded out, thrive from it! I agree with Mike that the people who don’t belong should be “saved” from the industry, but all of that chasing-company-heads riff-raff, and over-the-top “Porn is Bad” stuff is just so off the mark from what is really going on. We should be promoting a healthier industry for people who really want to make their living in the industry. Yes, get the confused young girls out, point out the scam artists and call out the liars and thieves, but don’t attack the people who are not hurting anyone. Talk to Steve Hirsch about AIM and the need for better regulated health codes, etc… but separate that from the movie-making process and stop outright and obnoxiously attacking people. Treat them like the reasonable human beings they are and attempt to educate people through your questioning, ads and rhetoric, without looking like a weirdo. I don’t dislike Shelley, and I hate to pick on her, I really do, but I only do it because I think she’s the kind of person who could actually make some positive waves that way. She’s obviously great at getting attention and motivating people. She is charismatic and capable. Because of that I’d like to see her ideas flower into practical ways of making the industry a better place. And again, you cannot rid the world of all forms of entertainment! What you can do, through unwarranted bigotry and bias, is drive it back into the darkness by crucifying the good people until they are the ones that leave, while the people who thrive on any kind of attention at all are the ones who stick around. When you shed a real and illuminating light on seedy things, it’s the people who prefer to lurk in the shadows that scurry away because they don’t want anyone seeing what they’re really about, what they’re really up to.

One of the things I have always liked about porn, is that it’s one of those “What You See Is What You Get” industries. That is it’s primary mantra. It’s not too difficult to figure out. If you get into porn and you are not aware of the fact that you can get STD’s from unprotected sex with multiple partners, well… you’re an idiot. You are stupid and I can only guess that dumb luck is the only reason you have survived as long as you have. So, to Shelley and every other person who is angered by industry practices, I say, “Go after the people you should not thrive through predatory ways within the industry. Weed out the bad people, but don’t attack the entire industry. Bring up valid questions about health, but don’t shit on everyone who seems to enjoy themselves and can make a dime off of it.” Steve Hirsch may make a lot of money off of porn and porn stars, but every successful entertainment figurehead makes a mint off of the product – children, animals, men and women, teens, etc… You cannot make a mint and not make it at someone else’s expense. It’s not possible. Even someone over your head is benefiting more than you, for your efforts. What you can do is encourage those people to have more compassion and thought about it than they might have, otherwise.

Is porn bad for us? No. Weird and misleading people are bad for us. Not using our own brains is bad for us. I’m no fool. Beer ads say drink their beer when you’re thirsty, but you will never see me drinking beer because I’m thirsty! Beer dehydrates you, dumbass. I drink to get drunk! I drink because it’s dehydrating, thank you very much! 😀

In memory of Damien Michaels, an opportunistic guy who could not have been all bad, either – R.I.P.

– Julie Meadows