PT. 4 – Blow Pops, Bourbon Street and Strip Clubs

PART 4 –

Upon our return to the table with our new stripper friend Tinkerbell, who we picked up in the bathroom, my friend Alexis loudly declares that Tinkerbell will now be giving me my first ever lap dance. Within 30 seconds there is money flying through the air from every direction by my wonderful friends. Fucking traitors.

I then feel a hand around the back of my neck and the next thing I know my face is sitting in-between a pair of boobs. I looked up briefly just to make sure it was actually Tinkerbell to find out that it was indeed her before getting my head slammed back into her chest. I never realized boobs were so fun to lay on? They were so soft and pillow-y. Considering I too have breasts I probably should have known this already, but I can’t actually lay on my own breasts so it was a welcome shock. I decided to ask her if I could pass out on her boobs later to which she replied “absolutely.” Well, at least I have somewhere comfy to pass out.

She then takes my hand and leads me over to this sofa/partition/lap dance cove kind of thing. I then became unbelievably nervous due to the fact that the sofa thing was pretty much viewable by the entire club. I thought this was like a private thing? Fuck. She then leans over and tells me not to be nervous and just follow her lead. Ok, so this has turned into an entire show??? Oh, come on!!! I didn’t even want to do this fucking shit in the first place.

Here’s the thing. I generally debate in a way where I just spout out 40 questions in 5 minutes. It’s not necessarily intentional. It’s just a personal style kind of thing. This style of questioning occurs exactly the same when I get nervous. I don’t know exactly why? Maybe it’s a defense mechanism? Which means this stripper is about to get grilled by a customer getting a lap dance. My brain just automatically spits out questions before I can actually filter them to sound somewhat normal.

Then, all of a sudden she does this handstand thing with her ass coming about 5 inches from my face. I didn’t move and the look on my face was probably something you would see in a horror movie. After that it just went into the typical lap dance maneuvers… grinding, bending, breathing, etc. This is the part where my rapid fire questions start: “Doesn’t that guy over there look like he hangs out in the parking lot of Home Depot?” “Do you actually like your job?” “Why is everyone looking at us?” “Are your boobs real because they really are cute!” “Why are there so many “black suit guys” in here?” “Do you ever start jerking guys off while giving them a lap dance?”
And, then I hear her say “Well, I’m not a prostitute.” Oh great. I just offended a fucking stripper. Fuck. But, I still didn’t think the question was totally uncalled for? She must have noticed the worried look on my face because she just started laughing and then told me how cute I was. Whew.

Suddenly, within the span of 10 seconds she has her face buried in my crotch where she proceeded to “purr.” It caught me completely off-guard because it really did feel EXACTLY like a vibrator. Oh my god! What the fuck? Ok Tinkerbell, you can stop now!! But, she wouldn’t stop! At this point, I have my hands on her head trying to push her away from me, while laughing profusely I might add, so she then proceeds to hold my hands down. What the fuck is happening? Oh god, this feels way too fucking good. So, at this point, you’ve got 2 girls “play fighting” while one of them is trying to make the other one cum. But, I’m trying my hardest to get away from her because I don’t want to have an orgasm in the middle of a strip club. It pretty much became two girls playfully wrestling on and near a “lap dance” sofa thing. It really was unbelievably fun, but as I stood up the ENTIRE club was looking at us… Even the fucking stripper on stage. Oh god. What do I do now???

So, I get up and slowly sit on the sofa where the stripper proceeds to sit next to me. She started telling me she knew I was shy, but she wanted me to have fun so she thought it would be a good idea to make it more of a game so that I wouldn’t be worrying about the crowd. I must say it worked perfectly! She was quite the sweetheart.

Tinkerbell then said she was going upstairs to get dressed, but will be right back down to come talk at our table. As I’m walking back to the table I see a group of about 20 guys standing at the tip rail right next to our table who are obviously drunk and licking their fingers, wiping them on their head and sticking a $1 bill to their head where the stripper comes over and picks it up with her boobs. Really? Are you serious? What a bunch of jack-offs. All of them are drunk and spilling shit everywhere, so the guys decided it’s time to go before a fight breaks out.

It really was an overall great night! I had a ball, learned some new things and made my first stripper friend. THE END.

**Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. xoxo, Lacey**