PT. 2 – Blow Pops, Bourbon Street and Strip Clubs

PART 2 –

After fighting the massive crowds we finally reached our destination, Rick’s Cabaret on world famous Bourbon Street. We briskly walked pass the doorman at the club and walked up a few stairs into the club lounge where we were to get carded and to pay the required cover charge. While getting carded, one of our friends pulls out his police badge and shows it to a guy wearing an all-black business suit. We are then immediately ushered by “the black suit guy” to a table right next to the stage and asked what we wanted to drink, on the house! Aww, that’s so nice of them. As soon as black suit walks away, I immediately begin bitching at my cop friend which went something along the line of “How fucking stupid are you for pulling your cop badge out? You do realize we’re at a strip club? How are we supposed to have fun sitting at a god damn “cop” table?” He laughed and assured me that we can do whatever we want and, in fact, he just got all of our cover charges waived along with free drinks. Supposedly, cops don’t have to pay a cover to get into certain strip clubs and they get free drinks. Who knew?

At this point, I’ve either been busy bitching at my cop friend or looking down at the floor because I was too nervous to actually look around the club. However, once I summoned the courage to actually look up I realized it wasn’t too bad. In fact, the first word that entered my mind was “normal.”  Almost too normal. We have free drinks, good music, fun friends and there is a naked chick swinging on a pole right above my head. Damn, this is so strangely normal.

So, we all kind of settled in for some fun & entertainment. At this point, my cop friend handed me a $5 bill and told me to go tip the stripper on stage. Uh, no, I’m not fucking going up there! I have no clue what I’m supposed to do? Where do I put it? Can’t I just walk up and hand it to her? Am I supposed to just place it on the stage?  Where is the stripper rule book telling you the proper protocols when in a strip club?

Ok, fuck it. It can’t be that bad? So, as I’m walking over to the front of the stage the stripper sits down and then proceeds to lay down on her back with her head hanging off the front of the stage. My executive decision at this point was to just lean over the stripper and put the $5 bill in her panties.  While doing this I hear her whisper in my ear “You know you want some of this pussy.”  What the fuck… did she just ask me if I wanted some of her pussy? I must have heard her wrong? It NEVER occurred to me that she would talk to me once I got to the actual stage and it caught me completely off-guard. So, I ended up cracking up laughing and then kissed her on the cheek. Because, you know, I’m sure everyone kisses strippers on the cheek when they tip them? Don’t they? It seemed like the polite thing to do? I then turned around and practically ran back to our table thinking “Oh fuck. I’m going to get arrested. I don’t think I’m supposed to actually touch her much less kiss her.  I hope they don’t kick me out.” I immediately look over at “black suit guy” who winks at me and I realize maybe kissing her on the cheek was a good thing? It must be because I’m a girl? Hmm..  I bet I can get away with a lot in here!

As I’m sitting at our table talking with everyone a random stripper walks up behind me and, literally, starts braiding my hair while exclaiming “omg. You have the prettiest hair!” I must say she actually did quite a good job! I wondered if I could have paid her to give me a scalp massage? I bet she would have done it! At this point, I’m getting my hair braided by a stripper and just taking the entire club in all at one time… This DJ plays really good music, who are all of these “black suit” guys everywhere, why are those guys over there just standing against the wall, then holding their hand out when a particular stripper passes by and following the stripper somewhere unknown while holding hands… Where are they going? Hmm? I need to find out at some point.

And then my attention gets diverted back to the main stage. Oh god, look at this fucking tool. I guess that’s what it means to “make it rain?”  I’ve never actually seen this spectacle before.  I had this sudden feeling of yelling “Hey dumb ass, throwing a bunch of $1 bills in the air makes you look like a cheap fuck. You could have at least used $5 bills.” Oh well, I really need to pee. Now I somehow have to actually get my drunk ass up and find the bathrooms. Shit.

TO BE CONTINUED…  PART 3 TOMORROW.