Rob Black is dead. He died in his hospital room at Grenada Hills Hospital, he was checked in under the assumed name Ima Pussy. It seems sometime during the night someone snuck in and dumped urine, feces and vomit into his IV, the noxious mixture killed him within moments. LAPD Homocide division is investigating but the lead officer commented “Hell so many people wanted this asshole dead I have no idea where to start.”
With Rob Black dead, Gene Ross was frantic to find employment and he placed a call to Paul Fishbein and apologized for all the bad karma, Paul offered him his old job back saying “Gene was with me from the begining and I will forgive him this transgression.”
Remember all the lukeford.com rumors from last week, well get this, it turns out that none other than AVN did buy lukeford.com and they are giving it back to Luke! AVN honcho Paul Fishbein had this to say: “Porn just hasn’t had enough attention since Luke left, yes we hated him but he did a lot of good for the business, he was always turning up on TV or in print talking about porn and that made people curious.” Another source at AVN who wishes to remain anonymous said: “The guy that bought lukeford.com, that California Pimp guy, what a disgrace we had a meeting and decided to bring Luke back”. When I called Luke today he had this to say ” :)”. Mike Albo is eportedly delighted as well.
In an unprecedented move Tod Hunter of AVN has switched political affiliations, he has changed from a registered Democrat to a card carrying Republican. His reasoning for the switch: ” I just couldn’t stomach the democratic agenda to shift the tax burden so that eventually only the rich will pay taxes, I just got a raise that pushed me into a much higher tax bracket and now I understand how the Democrats are using social engineering to buy votes. As my dad once said If you are young and not a Liberal you haven’t got a heart, if you are old and not a Conservative you haven’t got a brain.” His first act as a conservative was a $1,000 contribution to re-elect President George Bush Jr.
Mark Kernes announced that he has resigned from the Free Speech Coalition, stating “Mike South was right all along, it’s just a worthless organisation.” He then went to join Ron Jeremy at the local “All you can eat” joint to celebrate his new freedom. The owner of the restaraunt, however, saw them coming and immediately set fire to his establishment. The owner went on to say “My insurance covers fires, it doesn’t cover being eaten into bankruptcy”
Kid Vegas has a new home, he has been signed to an exclusive contract with Evil Angel, Evil Angels HWMIC had this to say “I have enough ass oriented videos in my catalog, I think Kid Vegas is misunderstood, he has amazing talent and has huge potential with my customer base”
Anabolic had also hired a new director, none other than Candida ( why DID she name herself after a yeast infection anyhow) Royalle. Chris Alexander said: “Anabolic needed a kinder, gentler touch and Candida has that, we want to move further into the couples market and we think she can get us on Playboy and Spice, a move we have long wanted to make.” It turned out however that the joke was on Chris, Candida, on hearing that he wanted her to make couples fare immediately quit stating: “This was my big chance to treat these nasty little fucking cunts the way they deserve to be treated, I was tired of making lame ass porn I wanted to do really nasty stuff I wanted the guys to spit and urinate all over the little prima donna bitches, there was gonna be facials and vomit and gagging and rough sex and all, I was going to make Max look like a fucking choirboy” It is reported Candida is now in negotiations with JM Productions.
Mike “Quasarman” McCormick and James “JimmyD” DiGiorgio have both decided to quit porn and start a comedy duo. When I spoke with JimmyD he said : “Hey we wanna be like a fuckin Cheech and Chong, ya know Quas is a fuckin Canadian, just like that Chong guy was and we are a couple of funny guys.” McCormick, when contacted said “Update coming Friday”
Paul Thomas has announced that he will begin shooting a new gonzo series for Vivid, the series is, as yet untitled, but Thomas is enthusiastic stating “Everyone knows I am not present for the sex scenes in my movies, my underlings shoot that. With this new series I can make money and I won’t even have to get out of bed.”
Tera Patrick passed gas last night and this morning Adella sent out a four page press release noting that Tera is indeed a virtuoso musician and that nobody should be surprised “It’s all a part of our master plan, just like the audio not matching the video on our webcasts and that solid black background, just sit back and watch, Everything is under control.” Adella goes on to say that Tera’s musical ability will be showcased in an upcoming terapatrick.com netcast, as soon as they figue out how to sync the farts with the leg lifts.
