I was asked this question on Quora a few hours ago. For how banal it may sound, I thought that it was a very interesting question instead and I decided to answer it. Either you agree or not with me, I want to share my opinion on the subject because my analysis seems to have sparked quite a bit of interest among Quora’s readers who, maybe surprisingly or maybe not, are taking my side on this, demonstrating how important would be for our industry to inform with open arms rather than choosing self isolation. Anyway, here is my answer and if you would like to read the comments and see how it develops on Quora, here is the direct link: Read Sabrina Deep‘s answer to Why do we consider it wrong for minors to see sex or watch porn? on Quora.
Because we consider it wrong also for adults. Because it is not about porn, it is about sex. Because talking about sex with your children might get you in trouble if people in your circle found out. Because if you get caught wandering naked in your house in front of your children it might get you arrested and you could lose custody of your children. Because countries’ presidents and Prime Ministers are heroes when they support and spread wars who kill innocents, they are untouchable when they are corrupted, but they get impeached or get sacked when they betray their partner or have their private sexual conduct exposed.
The paradox of all this is that people, including kids, will never stop looking at porn, going with prostitutes, engaging in sexual activities, and everybody perfectly know this. The result is that instead of having a parent being a parent and introducing sex to their children in a correct, educative way, we have parents who close both eyes on the subject fearing legal consequences and leaving their kids free to get exposed to the whole lot of rubbish circulating around and sometimes growing with complexes and both mental and character disturbances.
It’s not porn’s fault if a new generation of kids believes that if they don’t have a penis of at least 18 cm in length they can’t satisfy a woman, that if they don’t last at least 45 minutes they must suffer from premature ejaculation, that if a woman’s nipples don’t point up to the sky and are not positioned on a pair of solid Stonehenge monoliths she must be impaired, that women who have multiple partners are sluts while men who have multiple partners are cool. The fault is of those who forbid parents to do their job and leave kids exposed to the whole range of porn out there without a guidance. Parents are denied their role, in this case, by being labeled as unfit for parenting if they try to step in as sexual educators: if you are a minor you can’t watch porn and therefore your parents cannot help you to discern a natural act from a stunt, average from exception, real from artificial introducing you to a certain kind of porn rather than another and gradually showing you the whole lot, once you have comprehended the differences.
Teenagers go to school and talk porn all the time, they even exchange videos, when they don’t shoot one… It’s all good, nobody complains. But only because the kid never mentions his parents. Imagine what would happen if one’s kid went to school and told his pal:
My mom showed me this video of
Sabrina Deep enjoying sex with an unfit guy with a penis my size, let me send you the link.
He would be taken away from his mom that same day and she would end up in jail within few hours. Go explaining the judge that you were trying to educate your child before somebody else uneducated him and turned him into a sex offender or a troubled sexually repressed individual: you’ll be probed for mental illness.
Disgracing sex and nudity moves million of votes, eliminates political enemies and “cleanses” billions of souls. That’s why nudity and sex are tolerated and widely available, so that they can be condemned as needed. Don’t expect any change any soon.
I’m going to wrap up my answer with a statistic:
Does it ring a bell?
13211150cookie-checkWhy do we consider it wrong for minors to see sex or watch porn?no
12 Responses
I have a very different take on this. I think some people are BLESSED that their parents did NOT teach them about sex. My mother hated sex. She never came right out and said it, but I gleaned it from the conversation we had one day about how she “never wanted all you, kids! but every time your dad and i had sex, I got pregnant!” and the wailing and gnashing of teeth that ensued. Thanks, Mom. Always nice to hear that story of how you didn’t want us. I firmly believe in the adage “you can’t teach what you don’t know”. My mother’s introduction to sex began with a story about how a man raped and murdered a small child on Halloween, and how I should never let a man do that to me. Well, okay then. I can laugh about it NOW, but my mother passed on to me all of her fears, prudishness and hang ups, which took me YEARS to get over. I, in turn, taught my many, many offspring about sex by saying, “here are some educational tools and books, kids. Read them, and if you have any questions, feel free to email the authors for clarification…”
Goddess – you and I must come from the same era. My dad covered premarital sex and underage drinking in one cautionary tale. When he was in the army, one of his married buddies had sex with a whore in Italy, contracted syphilis and passed it on to his wife who threw him out. He was so distraught that he got drunk, crashed his motorcycle into a tree and died.
While I have had sex with whores, and gotten drunk and ridden a motorcycle, I’ve never gone to Italy, so I guess I took at least part of the story to heart.
Goddess, I don’t want to convince you, but you are talking about a personal experience. For example, people don’t go bankrupt every day, but some people do.
Lol Goddess…my mom said she had a kid for every form of birth control invented.
Parents split when I was four, dad’s mom lived next door to us. During a family event at Nana’s with all the aunts uncles & cousins cooing over how nice it was Jack is spending time with kids I blurt out a bombshell…hey dad what’s a two dollar lady and why is mom calling Carole that.
SEX was not to be discussed or referred to in any way shape or form at Nana’s not even to explain sending me home. My mom ROFL when I asked how come Nana was mad at me for asking then told me Carole had sex with anyone who bought her two drinks and called herself a lady. So I asked why she didn’t charge money like the toots by dads work in the city…she lol …Carole never claimed she was a smart business minded lady. After I was married Nana admitted she liked making 8/11 kids she raised.
Dogs second litter of puppies proved the stork didn’t bring babies and got me in trouble for telling the neighbor kids so. Older siblings, divorced working parents and a big house meant they either had to explain or catch hell later when little ones asked a grown up what they saw 😉
My step sister was a font of info swearing me to secrecy lest Carole find out she was a lesbian. it was Pre-roe v Wade so learning about sex that couldn’t make you pregnant was a big aha! up to that time every sex convo included caution that sex makes you pregnant and you can’t count on birth control.
Finding peer parents toys, watching reel to reel movies or the earliest cable adult wasn’t a big deal, questions were welcomed and discussed in age appropriate general terms…ie some people like the sensation of butt play with a shit eating grin to address finding benwah balls on BFF parents bathroom sink.
We were also allowed to drink alcohol in moderation at home & even in restaurants to celebrate occaisions. Watered wine for kids toasts, mimosa with extra OJ until we were teens and safety was addressed beyond caution not to drink too much or you’ll look like that ..falling all over stupid drunk. Never drink from a drink left unattended, buddy system, no shame to call for a ride or help if you find self over head.
When my kid called from France on HS grad trip gone awry I wished there was a book or guide. That call sucked more than a house guest/sitter leaving horse beastiality porn open on kids computer. No one called cops, or reported us. Neighbors teased us for corrupting kids morals to let us know kids were talking about it. Priest asked if I was able to remove porn, I said yes & he asked me to see if I could get the pop-ups off religious Ed system.
Neighbors didn’t call me and rat out oldest when her BF started sneaking in bedroom window …they confronted her directly and suggested she talk to me or pediatrician to arrange a visit with lady bits doc. BF was afraid for us to know ..two years hadn’t gotten him over trauma of ‘application to date my daughter’ floating around the web at the turn of century….sex was taboo in his house.
Daughter’s favorite saying as a teenager…I like to think my parents only had sex twice but I’ve walked in on them too many times to believe that. Her way of warning overnight guests that we didn’t lock door, we close bedroom door when we retired for the evening & expect people to knock.
@Sabrina
Had to upvote your take from a broad perspective. My anecdotal experience or 100 others do not change or disprove the truths you laid out. Sharing mine wasn’t intended to challenge, dispute or invalidate yours or anyone else’s. Thanks for posting an example of your thought provoking Quora articles here.
I think there is a basic point that isn’t called out specifically, but is probably assumed on most of our parts, SabrinaDeep, but I feel like we’re jumping to societal judgements before articulating it, and that is that parents need a little time (even the responsible ones) between the beginning of adolescence and when children will have a bit more context to process information about sex without being able to fathom simple consequences, even good ones: emotional attachment, relationship dynamics, safety etc. I think this is where a major problem develops, even before religious interference, or even legal obstacles, and that is parents get lazy and want to put it off too long, or want to give an information dump ONCE and then hopefully is the end of it, and they just keep right on censoring. I don’t envy parents in this era, but you allude to the dangerous “truths” that could be gleaned from porn, Sabrina, and I almost wonder if we would be better off not hiding it from late teens so much as underscoring that it holds as much reality a lot of sex that Looney Tunes had for gun safety. (and there are people that were for censoring those too, amusingly enough.
Sounds like growing up in the 50’s (and most of 60’s was the same way). Fortunately my father did explain the basics of what sex was as a teen (along with a warning not to do it), of course this was a time where kids didn’t lose their virginity until adulthood (I was 21, I will admit that I haven’t ever been married so you can fill in the blank about what other people thought of it back then), in many if not most cases people’s virginity was lost on their wedding nights.
Once my brother and sisters had their older kids (and evidently they and their schools did not give them any sex ed — they were both in high school at the time) and the boys were teenagers I was asked quite a few questions about sex (what is a blow job, what is fucking up the ass, etc.). I answered them honestly, gave them each some condoms, gave them the basics on what VD is and made sure to tell my father (their grandfather) what had transpired so if their parents got pissed off about it he had fair warning (as they would go to him to complain, not me). I also dread the day when it is time to give my niece the “bodily functions” talk (yes, my younger sister is almost half my age which explains why I have a minor niece yet), I can almost guarantee I will draw the short straw for the “pleasure” of that one. I still remember being in school in what would be about seventh grade today and the girl in class freaking out when she started her first period in class (her parents hadn’t mentioned that fact of life to her and back then there wasn’t sex ed provided until high school), I certainly don’t wish that experience on anyone.
@spawn
I think too many parents and educators think anatomy, sex, sexuality, relationships can be lumped into a fixed curriculum with some corresponding grading scale.
As a toddler my daughter was amazed…Daddy pees like a water fountain. My husband was none too pleased when she did her duty as a big sister and best friend trying to show them. Around this time a group was trying to ban Disney movies from Church sponsored activities to protect kids from penis pics.
Ooh you ‘let your kid’ …uh yes she watches Disney movies and till your kid pointed out the BAD penis pics she had no clue what a penis looked like. Same mom thought it appropriate to chastise my child for walking into the wrong restroom instead of simply answering ..yes the white things on the wall are because boys pee like water fountains.
Recognizing normal child development allowed me to use the opportunity to explain it wouldn’t be appropriate to show her peers boys peeing. The right to privacy and autonomy concepts reinforced
By the time her parents thought she was ‘ready’ to see the forbidden anatomy they’d sexualized it was too late to fix the simple concepts they placed second to censorship. The peers who bonded over where in the world Carmen Sandiego is while she hunting penis pics in their long forgotten Disney movies bullied and rejected her. She went through four re-habs before HS graduation…
A better question might be “Why does everyone go off the rails when a female breast is shown on TV (poor Janet Jackson) but gunfights, murders, rapes, and serial killers beheading people is ok”?
@karma
Indeed or the football game for that matter. Reality TV wasn’t big when Joe Theisman leg was snapped like a twig. No telling kids that was a stunt, special effects or re-enactment he was gonna stroll away from.
Benny Hill was a great show, didn’t have a bit of nudity but it was great training for keeping a straight face pretending the double entrende were still over my head while Pop laughed his ass off. During commercials he’d go into kitchen to make eyes at grandmother, impatiently remind me he’d stocked in-law suite so I wouldn’t need to trek upstairs 😉
When we tied towels around waist to mimic a Benny Hill hula dance skit, he freaked out least we tempt the older teenage neighbor boys….grandmother exasperated ‘Oh George they’re kids’ took Pop’s side a couple years later sitting me down for a chat to explain why the itsybitsy teeny weeny pink bikini I’d brought from NJ required an opaque cover up to/from the back yard and would never be worn at the suburban Chicago community pool….’people get ideas in their heads so you must consider the messages you’re sending’
Why do network stations obscure or block out words? Why show babies drinking bottles on media that wouldn’t consider showing a nursing infant under a blanket…it’s too suggestive? Suggestive of what … pricey formula or bottled breast milk is better than skin to skin contact between an infant mother/wet nurse? A pregnancy or infant isn’t even proof of sex anymore…it only proves reproduction.
BTW my prim/proper everything in its place grandparents you’d assume are prudes..he painted boudoir nudes, she taught me to sew & design garments including lingerie.
GREAT job Sabrina…nice to get an international perspective too..All the more impressive that english is not your first language..well done!
Sabrina Deep is an amazing writer.