Porn People Make for Better Perverts

I was hired to write a theme song for a network Saturday morning cartoon back in the early part of the decade. I had a series of meetings with a holier than thou uptight moralist creative executive, while being accompanied by a rep from my record company (at the time) and my manager.  This asshole creative exec even had the nerve to conduct a background check on me due to the fact that I was writing a theme song for a Saturday morning TV show.  I had never even heard of such a ridiculous policy prior to this gig.  The only reason I agreed to be put through the ringer was because they promised me majority worldwide publishing rights.  To put it in porn star escorting terms, that means I allowed an Arab sheik to fuck my ass for an entire weekend at the Four Seasons Hotel so I could make a shitload of money.  I basically sold out.  Oh by the way… The important part of this story to remember is that the record company rep that accompanied me to these meetings was a woman.  

I noticed every time we had a meeting with this creative exec in his office, he would always direct the female record company rep to sit in the exact same chair while not giving a shit where my manager and I sat.  It got to the point after the fourth or fifth time where it became extremely obvious what was going on here. This accomplished clean wholesome imaged conservative family man television executive was literally directing traffic with his hands in order to get the hot record company chick into the first chair from the left. 

After getting to know one of his assistants pretty well, I got the balls to ask her what the fuck was going on with that guy and the chair. She went on to dish that he once got caught on his hands and knees by his secretary sniffing the chair after a female co-worker exited from a meeting with him.  He blamed his “on all four’s status” as a result of dropping a vitamin on the floor.  She told me it was a well-known fact amongst the assistants to ALWAYS make sure a woman sat in the first chair from the left when taking a meeting in his office. 

I don’t have a problem with this guy being a pervert.  What I do have a problem with is the big time fucking hypocritical bullshit behavior of people just like him, whether in government or corporate America, who are given the power to make or break a person’s career or livelihood.  Always in the name of security, religion, community decency, or the rule of law. 

I’ll never forget when I announced to some of my close industry friends that I was retiring from mainstream to pursue an opportunity to create a new genre of adult video and web.  This one chick at Viacom actually told me to my face that I was gross.  Mind you, this was a girl who would drink four rum & cokes on a Friday night at Dan Tana’s, then end up eating my ass for the next two hours like she had an outboard motor attached to her head. 

In the end, I have definitely come to realize that porn industry people make for much better, more well-adjusted perverts.  In porn, I’ve learned there is no such thing as closeted perverts.  Just closeted male performers…