This morning when I was working on my Blonde Intuition blog, I thought about my Hott Cops blog. Not going anywhere with this, just squeezing out two more free ads for my sites at South’s expense.
Before he left for Tampa, I said to South, “Send me a couple pics of some good looking chicks so I can distract the guys from expecting a real post like you do.” Then I said, “And send me a picture of Tim so I can post a hott guy for the chicks to look at.” He said, “Ok, one of me and Tim.” *rolls eyes*
So right here is where I’ll post all the pics South remembered to send me. –> <–
Sigh.
I think that if I had one fault, it would be that I’m too kind. So when Richard Freeman asked me if I’d write a couple porn reviews for Batteries Not Included, I said, “Of course I will,” and then promptly forgot all about it. Advance 8 months later to me bitching about South not remembering to send me pics, and I’m thinking, “Hmmm, although my forgetting is totally different from South forgetting, maybe I’ll write up a few porn reviews.”
I picked She Male XTC 2 from the stack because quite frankly, I’m curious about these she male chicks…guys…whatever. I wanted to see if the vids were the same sort of scenarios I see on COPS. A kind hearted, unsuspecting guy offers a complete stranger “a ride.” She’s petite, blonde and has a voice like Barry White. The cops say, “Didn’t you know she’s a dude?” And the Good Samaritan is all, “OMG, Officer, I never suspected!” Even the 12 o’clock shadow doesn’t raise a big ole red flag.
I laid down on the bed and popped in the DVD. Mr. G came in and asked me what I was doing. “I’m going to review a porn vid for Richard. Wanna watch?”
He said, “Sure, why not?” The instant he saw the title he said, “I’m not watching this shit!”
And he was out the door.
“Embrace your inner she-male!” I yelled after him. “This could be a learning experience. We could share high heels and skirts!” All I heard was more swearing and a door slamming. Well, I’m glad one of us is adventurous.
I chose Nefertiti as my first segment to watch. Keep in mind, I’ve never seen this line before so I had no idea that it’s kind of like Tina’s Handy Man video in that it follows one person at a time jacking off for the camera. I must admit that when Nefertiti started whacking it and I heard Joey Silvera, from behind the camera, whispering a softly encouraging “yeah….” that left me feeling rather…what’s the word? Oh, yeah, “disturbed”. Let’s just that when I think of Joey in the future I will no longer be envisioning him nailing Annette Haven.
After a few minutes of watching Nefertiti, I felt like that old lady in the Arby’s commercial asking, “Where’s the vagina? Where’s the vagina?” Yes, I thought they had vaginas AND cocks. I’m totally confused, and at this point, I’m really missing Tina’s Handy MAN vids. At least, I know what…uh, who…to expect in her vids! Besides, what’s the point of getting the boobs if you aren’t going to keep your cock and get a pussy, too? You can have it all, people, if you put your mind and your plastic surgeon to it.
Next up was Danielle Foxxx who claims to jack off three times a day every day. *Yawn* Who doesn’t? Danielle said she likes anything with two arms and two legs. Then added “even if you don’t have like a leg….that‘s ok, too.” I know some peg-legged pirates who are going to be mighty happy to hear this.
Mai Tai was sweet enough to show us an extreme close up of her asshole that lasted several seconds. We just don’t get to see that often enough, do we? I do have a beef with these guys, though. Not only do they all have big cocks, they all have nicer hair than I do, damn it. Ambidextrous Mai even managed to stroke herself while holding her foot to her mouth and licking it Yes, but can she give head and chew bubble gum at the same time? Now that’s a skill.
Carmen Cruise was the most outgoing and the most relaxed with the camera, and she actually reminded me of an older Lindsay Lohan. Minus all the rehab drama, of course.
Amy Lee was the only sensible one of the bunch. She didn’t get those huge ass grapefruit implants. Good for her. All ya get with those is a backache. And lots of attention from men.
Way too much posing and preening in this DVD, and I can honestly say that if I ever hire a guy to jack off for me and he takes as long as these “chicks” did, he’s fired!
